Zavé Martohardjono 2015 Lambda Literary Fellow

Zavé Martohardjono 2015 Lambda Literary Fellow



I I'm gonna read we're going to read a bit from brother lovers Arjuna sits at the bar of a gay club in a beach town people only come to vacation bartender comes around to serve arjuna drink arjuna is crying he looks up at bartender who sees disinterest the trees out there with the white palms those rubbery living ones they're like ones where I'm from where you're from nowhere near here something you drink sure you know sometimes despite your best efforts you are a rather you just feel totally I came here I'm trying to focus on work a rest I get tired I try to locate I'm nowhere I collect refuse artifacts blood rage spit tears this is the cleanup job of a healer but I forget it's not my home we're trying to her mind trying hard to get clean Kobi back with something for you bartender busies himself with another customer those trees my brothers and I would go down to the river whichever river we could find cuz we were always traveling we'd peel off our clothes someone always help being the littlest one the water cuts the heat it cones your back and neck rushes like ice against your feet and belly we don't need anything the river is ours no matter what River no matter where it's always the same feeling light heat cool and breeze a place to wash off the crusted blood that cakes your skin to get free from yesterday's memory of being hungry or move awfully being internal old sun-bleached sarang somewhere to gal we laughed so hard about nothing our stomachs with ether and twist something tickles you a soft frond of moss that broke free under the water or beam on coming up behind you pretending to be a salamander licking your salty face it took all of me parts I don't have left to leave them and I told myself leave before you die you're not for your body but because your spirit is fading away hey buddy you know where you are do you have somewhere to go didn't archana lipstick bartender and a slender nugget of Hope rises in his belly bartenders eyes seems softer to him suddenly less strange karna walks into the bar his broad thick body radiates heat and shine he's already drunk but his swagger conceals effect the crowd shifts to notice him then drinks again arjuna does not feel his presence yet don't forget it don't forget to say thank you I love you off your howling you my new and that's done and to sleep tax rate how is our day and I'm never very unknown never enough everything seems fine then suddenly burst in my stomach then creeping up to the place behind my eyes maybe I'm just hungry or my blood sugar is low or it could be that last conversation from therapy that just can't unstick itself or my brain it could be an unexpected call a movie I saw I can't figure out who this means I'm supposed to make with four days it drags its feet around inside of me making endless afternoon no moving family implies you've had one to begin with it was a dream it's not about you all this justifying the parts missing peeled back unhinged slayed open an intricate tapestry of up leaves quickly motor runs on their own acceleration heat where there is speed parts missing cover over in the thick knots and unknown some hole a wireframe skeleton wrapped endlessly in carpet tight can't let in can't come out some ways like this it's always like this with you I'm somewhere in the world you don't know where the I am yes I know the feeling Siam I'm here just look at me I can't [Applause]

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