It looks like shit. It looks like shit. What we’re gonna do and I’m gonna play Mario Paint… …and have Bob Ross in the corner telling us what to do, and I’m gonna try my best to paint along and uhh… It’s gonna look like shit. *laughter* But, Bob Ross: Hi, welcome back. I’m certainly glad you could join us today. Joel: I love you too Bob. Bob Ross: I have one of my little friends here with me, Joel: Oh, is that a pigeon? Bob Ross: It’s this little nighthawk. Joel: A nighthawk? Bob Ross: That I wanted you to see, isn’t he the most gorgeous… Joel: Yeah, that’s pretty sexy. f u c k m e e y e s Bob Ross: I’m gonna make a happy little sky in this painting. Joel: Al-Al-Alright. Bob Ross: Just by making little… little X’s, little criss-cross strokes. Joel: Like this Bob? Bob Ross: We start at the top, Joel: Yeah, Bob Ross: And begin working downward. Joel: Ok, I gotta use a bigger brush. Bob Ross: If they look blue, we’ll mix with a liquid white thats already on the canvas. Joel: I don’t know about that. Nah. Not automatically. Bob Ross: Just get lighter and lighter. Joel: Nah, I don’t, not really. Bob Ross: For that, i’ll use a little pression blue. Joel: Ok. Bob Ross: Cause it’s much, much stronger. Joel: Oh, more blue? Bob Ross: I add a little pression blue. Joel: I only have blue and blue dude! Bob Ross: It really will help bring the eye into the painting. Joel: Yeah, bullshit! Bob Ross: Same colour now just make it a small amount darker. Joel: I can’t really do that, Bob. Joel: You sure about this? Alright. Bob, you’re fucking crazy but, uh, fine. Oh man. Bob Ross: Then we’ll come back on this dark, Joel: Uh, what are you?… Bob Ross: …and putting in some little grassy areas. Joel: Are you nuts?! Alright fine, woah. Oh man, that’s some piss yellow, dude, I don’t know if that’s like, the colour you wanted but, Bob Ross: You decide where they live. Joel: Yeah, I’ll decide where the piss is on my canvas, And, it’s everywhere dude. Bob Ross: Time to make some major decisions in our world. Joel: I don’t want decisions, I’m safe. I’m comfortable where I, oh, You want black dude? Bob Ross: Maybe that tree lives there. I don’t know, you decide. Joel: Well, I don’t know either man. Bob Ross: That’s pretty good, I’m gonna do another one. Joel: You want another one?! Nah. Oh wait, you’re doing a house? I-I can’t do I house! Jesus christ dude! Wait, trees?! Trees? No, no more trees dude, Please, no! No. Bob Ross: Don’t worry. Joel: You sure about this Bob? It’s Bob. Bob Ross: You’re crazier now. Joel: Yeah, no shit! Bob Ross: You just take a knife and you can scrape. Joel: How do I scrape in Mario Paint? *rip snes cartidge* Bob Ross: I’d like to wish you happy painting, and god bless you my friend. Joel: Alright, alright Bob, alright, alright, so this is my image, what do you, you think this looks good? Look at it. It looks like shit! But it looks, presentable somehow. Huh. This is fucking bizarre, like I, how did this happen? Oh shit, It’s the magical Bob Ross. Fuck me. Bob Ross: Brush against it, it allows a solid material to settle to the bottom, Joel: Uh-huh. Bob Ross: and we’ll shake off the excess. Joel: AHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA Bob Ross: It’s beat to death, that’s the most fun part of this whole technique. But if you do that in your living room, you’re gonna get run out in the yard. Joel: Well, I live in a crack shack. Bob Ross: No pressure though, absolutely no pressure. Joel: Yeah, no shit no pressure. Ahh… Aaahhhh. Bob Ross: I told you you had power. Joel: I don’t have power I can barely function in society man. It’s a miracle I haven’t, like, suffocated by forgetting how to breath. Oh man, I don’t wanna do that, oh jesus. Alright, woah, woah I don’t like this. Woah, stop Bob! Woah, you’re making me ruin everything! Bob Ross: You have to be a little weird to be a painter, so, Joel: Yeah. Yeah, a lot, I know a lot of furries and let me tell you woooh. Bob Ross: God bless you, I’ll see you next time. Joel: Oh, are we done? Oh, alright, alright. I guess we’re done! Hang on. Huh. Huh dude. He did it again. He duped us again. He duped us again. God damn it Bob. Well, when I added the purple pause menu it fucking looks great! Look! Fuck! Holy fuck dude, I, I did that?! What the fuck man. Bob Ross: Maybe, maybe there’s a big tree over here. Joel: No no no no no no no no no no no no. Bob Ross: They look green. Joel: What are you talking about? What are you talking about? No, no more trees, man! Huh. There you go. There you go, a little bit of smudge, so it’s not a, Wasn’t a clean cut, it was kinda messy. It was kind of messy. This is, this is Ninja Avenue, Little Tokyo, Sweden. um, Then he’s like, he’s like, He’s like Mm-Hmm? Now he’s looking like sexy fuck me eyes. I don’t like that, get rid of this image. Joel: NAHHHHHAHA Bob Ross: Yeah, just beat the devil out of it. Joel: Yeah, fuck satan. Bob Ross: Zooooom. Gotta make those little noises. Joel: Ok, Z O O O O O M M Bob Ross: But this is a good example of how easy this technique is, So I look forward to seeing you the next show. Joel: Wait Bob, are we already done? Bob Ross: God bless you my friend. Joel: Dude, Bob, hang on, I’m like not even halfway done! Ho-Ho-Ho! Ho-Ho-Ho, S E C R E T C H R I S T M A S P A I N T I N G Wooooh! He’s angry at the world man. You dare not celebrate S A N T A??? And he’s using his satanic eyes for this. B U R N I N G S A N T A, S A N T A, S A N T A Bob Ross: You know the most fun part of this whole technique is washing the brush, so let’s do that. Joel: Oh yeah yeah yeah let’s go. Here we go. Let’s beat satan. Here we go, oh yeah brother, alright here we go, *sounds of beating satan* Bob Ross: Covered the whole studio. Alright. Joel: Oh, naughty. Bob Ross: I’m just looking for an excuse to wash the brush. Joel: Oh ho ho ho. Here we go. *more sounds of beating satan* Bob Ross: Cause you know we don’t, we don’t make mistakes. We just have happy accidents. Joel: Are you, are you saying I was an accident child? Bob Ross: I get letters sometimes for people in Crimson. I get letters from people sometimes they say “Oh, you had a beautiful painting there and you put that miserable tree there.” Joel: *laughter* Bob knows! Bob Ross: The studio crew gets a little upset with me when I do because I splash them a lot. Joel: Oh, Bob! Bob Ross: It’s good for them. Joel: Good for them? Bob! Bob! Bob Ross: Get a little white on the ol 2 inch brush. I’m the worlds worst yard keeper. Joel: You gotta shave your pubs Bob. Bob Ross: I’ll act natural. Joel: *chuckle* *laughter* Bob Ross: That’s a way to saying i’m too lazy to go out and maintain it. Joel: Bob, too much information. Bob Ross: Over 150 people came, Joel: Woah, that’s a, that’s a lot of titanium white. *laughter* Bob Ross: We worked them to death. Joel: Oh dude, Bob no! Bob Ross: John Thamm came and he painted… Joel: What, he came too? Bob Ross: Yeah. Joel: Alright, so, so the moment of truth. How will my picture look? Let’s take a look. Doesn’t look too bad. It looks a, like an old like, DOS snow adventure. You know what we need, you know what we need to complete this? *old fantasy music starts playing* Alright, alright. The only thing that’s missing now is this like, uh, you know, *inaudible gingledoof speech* THE MOUNTAIN CABIN OF FLINDISIGN AND GET THE SPEAR OF FINGLEDOOF! WILL YOU GET THE CRYSTALS OF GRENGIF? AND DEFEAT THE EVIL GLUMBOOF? BUT FIRST YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE BITS AND THE BOOTS OF, of of, GINGLEDOOF! Fucking what, what would this game be called? It’ll be called, uh… CRUNDLE QUEST V: THE CRYSTALS OF GINGLEDOOF *laughter* Uh, oh, why am I laughing? At these stupid RPG names. Like old high fantasy names. Like they would always be stupid and like, like FRODOR! You know, you know GANDAF and LEGOLAS, ARLAGON! You know, like uh, fuck, uh… P I L L B O O *laughter* Cause theres a nuclear explosion going on in the background, and he’s going for a walk. It looks like Ash from Pokémon. Maybe it’s Ash, post, post Pokémon. He got slaughtered in the wild and now he’s going around, you know. This, this bear is like “Hey, get out. Fucker.” Lemme obscure him in the grass a little bit, hang on. There we- *laughter* These skies scare the shit out of me. Bob Ross: A beautiful moon this way too. Joel: A moon? More like a portal to hell. The secret ingredient to making this look authentic and good? I’m going to turn shit into gold. *Undertale – Dogsong starts playing* C O Y O T E ! And I’m gonna have the devil make a cameo because this is, this is in animal hell, I guess. Hang on. *laughter* Hang on, I wanna- *more laughter* Fuck this image. Fuck this image. Fuck it, it’s the dumbest fucking it’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. *DOOM music starts playing* It’s furry doom! God this is so fucking stupid Bob Ross: We’re gonna do a barnaktomy, as I mentioned earlier. Joel: Barnaktory? Is that everything like a vasectomy? Well judging from my, my barn here, I guess it is.