Unit 5 intertextuality

Unit 5 intertextuality



Ali spent hours lien on her bathroom floor asking what will I do she stared at it the piece of plastic expecting the answer to reveal itself inside an overwhelming sense of despair engulfed her entirely how she thought to herself how many other people are going through this right now right at this exact moment am I the only one how why do I feel like I'm completely alone she wasn't certain of her next move she had too many questions and not enough options was he going to help her what would he say what would he do suddenly allow banging permeated her brain she looked up eyes blinking back tears it was over his hand was still holding her as she could hear the doctor say that's it you'll come back next week for a checkup other than that you're free to go this doctor is nice she thought the doctor had a sympathetic expression a look of knowing on her face she didn't judge it wasn't her place everyone has their reactions has their reasons for this your knees are shaking you see that red line appear how far can you go from here you look in the mirror all you see is a face full of fear what now you think would you rather have a child with nothing or have a life full of something you want to tell him full of excitement you can hardly hold a tear look something is growing but you know the consequences what now you think a tiny image appeared now you fear what now you think how can you dearly how can you really love something so dear how can you destroy something so dear you shut it too you're hoping God will hear you pray God please don't let it fear tell them I didn't mean for it to happen but for now God please hold my child dear you hear the tiny sound of a drum that's when it all goes numb all you can hear is that heart go thump what now you think the decision is yours they say no matter what it's yours a cruel blessing in disguise how can you tell this guy what now you think the day has come one last found it won't stop jumping around God where can you be found you feel it moving maybe it knows what you're doing to stop that poor little baby in the making what now you think it's done you feel shunned maybe you've got to feel all of the pain your tears pour down like it's raining now you think what have I done she gave us the whole she'll read from this clipboard check things off asked if we had any questions now I asked you who's gonna say anything in that group this lady beside me to have rolling up the hem of her blouse and unrolling it rolling up again it was driving me crazy they all felt guilty it was twisted of them to put this pregnant nurse in with us it was like they were saying look really look at what you're doing here because in a few months this could be you don't fool yourself for a second into thinking that this thing growing in you is just a thing and not a baby so I was pissed right off by the time I was on the table not feeling so inclined to be nice and keep my mouth shut thinking that these people were pretending they were all about helping me with my problem and everything but they were as judgment as judgmental as anyone they were about to give me the anesthetic and the doctor looks down on me that's funny he really did look down on me anyway he looks at me from under his mask and says are you sure I pushed the gas away from my face look that doctor ein said I've never been more sure about anything in my entire life and that's the truth – he's looking at me like I'm pathetic and if I'm pathetic exactly how is having a baby going to help me I wanted to stay but before I could get it out I was asleep he might have had issues but not me wasn't his job to make me question my own judgment making me think I don't know what I was doing sure I'm young but I know I couldn't have told him all the reasons why right then maybe didn't even know how to say it all to myself it was none of his good his goddamn business anyway I would have done anything anything to end it if you wouldn't do it I'd have found another way I'd have done it myself that's what they used to do you know back in the day do it themselves coat hangers I never told the guy the father why tell him it was none of his business I dumped him the day after I found out just so I won't be tempted to tell him I didn't want to make my life into some episode of Degrassi junior high I didn't want to make didn't want to tell any of my friends either I didn't want to be a girl in the rumors the truth is it wasn't his fault either why mess him up with it the truth is we were just too young kids with bad luck the truth is I didn't even like him that much he was gorgeous but really stupid not to be mean or anything but honestly some of the things he would say he wanted to start this punk band called scarred for life but he spelled it Gared you know see what I mean sure at the time I tried to convince myself he was something special Sid Vicious jr. but that was just so I could justify this you know I let myself get wrapped up and this guy in this pathetic teen drama and think this guy was somehow significant to me because that was the only way I could have you know without being some kind of blood don't get me wrong I'm not saying you know with him was a mistake but I didn't love him I like that I like the weight of boy Ronnie so sue me he wasn't the first guy I had you know with I was responsible he gave me that this stupid line how he couldn't feel anything well you can feel what you feel with what you feel when what you really feel as nothing I don't know what went wrong but something sure as hell did nothing 100% you know anyway I always thought if one of those things broke it would pop like a bloom but I'm telling you it's not like that maybe one of those little suckers got in there before he put it on whatever it doesn't matter what matters is I didn't want to be pregnant I would have been trapped with it trapped and stuck with him and stuck with it trapped a hot bad speller I never could have moved on I'd be stuck here doing this crap forever I know I'm supposed to say that it was like the hardest thing I ever did but it wasn't just keeping the secret was you know I made this big decision and cover my tracks and found the money I need it in skips school and forged notes and did whatever I had to do to make this happen I took the bus to the hospital I got a cab home got off at a bus stop about a mile from my house so no one would see me I was so tired tired from the anesthetic i sat on the sidewalk for a while had a smoke I remember wondering if I was bleeding through I couldn't really feel anything but I took off my sweater and tied around my waist just in case when I got home I told my mom I wasn't feeling well and went to bed I wish I could have told her but she still hadn't told me about you know for Christ's sake how am I going to say to my mother ma I just had a well I can't say it and I'm feeling a little lousy a little while later my mom came upstairs to check on me touch my forehead like she did when I was a kid brought me some aspirin baby aspirin orange ones

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