UnDeadwood Part IV: Goodnight, Miss Miriam

UnDeadwood Part IV: Goodnight, Miss Miriam

(sultry, country guitar) (twangy, sultry banjo) (ashes sizzle) (ashes sizzle) (ashes sizzle) (ashes sizzle) (ashes sizzle) (intense guitar strumming) (rattlesnake rattles) (campfire crackling) When last we left off, you found out Mayor Farnum was killed. You took his body to Doc Cochran’s and examined it. Both front and back. (dogs barking in the background) (stifled laughing) You found evidence (laughing)– You all laugh. (laughing) Yes, we all do. You found lots of snake bites and evidence that something had tore down his throat and into his body and you found scaly, ashy stuff inside of there. You went to Mr. Swearengen. You talked to Mr. Swearengen, told him your findings, he offered you more money to continue and to finish the mission. As you there were at the Gem Saloon, you heard commotion in the street and undead Wild Bill Hickock was there, unfortunately with your sister, Cynthia, also undead. After a battle that went better for some than for others, you successfully managed to disintegrate the remains of undead Wild Bill Hickock and you, by stroke of luck, landed the kill shot on your own undead sister. Not sure if I’d call it luck. Better you than anybody else. You’re not wrong. Cynthia’s body still lay in the street. There is almost nothing but dust and remaining threads of some of Wild Bill’s clothing. His hat is even disintegrated, his guns are disintegrated. There’s just dust and ash where his body was. Your sister’s body still lay in the street, you are still on the balcony. Fogg, you are on the roof of The Gem. I believe Reverend Mason was there at the bank. And our sharpshooting Clayton Sharpe our Clayton Sharpe-shooter was in between the Bullock Hotel and the Gem Saloon. You are where we left off. What would you like to do? I’m gonna head down off of the roof and I think we should probably examine poor Cynthia, see what we have left here. I’m going to stay with Arabella until I’m sure she’s composed herself and make sure that she’s not looking towards Cynthia, to get her inside. Yeah, I’m gonna… I’m just inconsolable with you. Okay. I might ask Mr. Swearengen if he would, as I descend to the second floor if he would accompany me to the to the outside to see the remains of Cynthia Livingston. He says, I’ve got some other business to attend to, but feel free to take any one of your friends, they seem quite capable. Wild Bill was a much better shot when he was alive. (chuckling) Stay close, I’m sure we’ll have more to talk about. (as Al) I’ll be here if you need me. I’ll stand up in the bank, reload my double barrel shotgun. Is that hooplehead still trying to get into the vault? He is, he’s made about, probably like a half an inch of his way into the safe of about, I would say, 12 inches, so he would finish sometime around the Reagan presidency. (Travis imitates a shotgun pumping) Can I level both barrels at him and say, Now son, you’re about to get yourself in a world of trouble. I’mma have to ask you nicely to clear the fucking bank! He turns around, stops what he’s he stops the picking, he turns around to look at you and he looks you up and down. Make an Intimidation check for me, please, Reverend. Yes! Fear of God!
(dice thud) Three. (laughing) He looks at you and he says, Howdy, Reverend. Plan on donating some of this to your church. Turns around, keeps picking at the thing. I have bigger fish to fry. You guys might wanna come out from behind that desk, he’s gonna be at that for a while. Come on!
(Marisha chuckles) Everybody sort of trepidatiously, they’re looking out the windows, they’re not even looking at you, they’re just looking out the windows and seeing you know, a lot of crazy shit’s gone down in the last two or three days here, so they’re filing out into the front to the windows but they’re not really going out into the street just yet. It seems a little scary. Keep an eye out while you’re working, there are demon snakes afoot. And I’ll leave the bank
Okay (laughing) and head over to the Gem Saloon. Okay.
Throwaway there. Demon snakes afoot!
B-T-dubs. Who’s going outside to take a look at Cynthia? I’m heading there as well, probably to meet you when you make your way down. I’m checking specifically to look inside her mouth to see if she suffers the same wounds that Farnum and other individuals have. Okay, okay. Do you, you two are staying inside Al’s office? I’m bringing her inside but we’ll make our way downstairs as she can.
Yeah. In time.
Okay. In time. You’re gonna go over there too? (Sharpe grunts in approval) The three of you approach the body of Cynthia, you don’t see any snake bites on her face, she’s started to decompose because she passed away a few weeks ago, so she’s decomposing, but she’s not as decomposed as, say, Wild Bill, who was basically just a skeleton. Her mouth is open, you do not see any of the same sort of markings that you saw on the other victims. No snake bites. It seems that the that bodies of the risen are not necessarily the ones that were bitten by the snakes. Right, right, right. Unless they were previously bitten. Like an incubation period. Bit, went on their business, got sick, died. Well, they weren’t killed by the snakes is what I mean.
That’s true. Hickock’s been dead for years.
One of them snakes crawled down and bit a long decomposed bony corpse of Wild Bill, unfortunately, doesn’t follow logic.
Yeah. (Fogg sighs) The one place that I believe that we hadn’t investigated was the was it the Number 10? The Number 10 was one of the you guys found the list in Doc Cochran’s office with his handwriting
Yeah yeah yeah, that was the name of the proprietor, was it not? With the names crossed out, yeah, Tom Nuttall. I think that’s the one place we haven’t investigated that we probably could find some more information. Let’s do it. Mmhmm. As this happens, the two of us– Yeah? Slowly come out and I still have my arm around her making sure that she’s all right. Are you all right, Arabella? Sure. Yeah, I’ll be all right. Good. ‘Cause we’re moving.
Just let me… Gimme one moment. All right. I go over to Cynthia. Does she have anything on her, any jewelry, any…? She does not have any jewelry on her, she just has a dress that she was buried in. But she has no jewelry or other effects on her. (Arabella hums contemplatively) Mr. Sharpe? Mmhmm? Can I borrow that knife of yours? Go ahead and procure my Bowie knife and hand it over. Cut off a lock of her hair, tuck it away in my kit. The second the blade hits her hair, you have this weird sensation in your mind, sort of like you did a few minutes ago when you were successfully casting that Mind Link spell. And suddenly, the image of your sister appears in your mind and then disappears. And you hear a familiar voice from a giant snake pit say to you, (as Disembodied Snake Pit Voice) You weak fools! This game is coming to an end, but I still have some unfinished business, some revenge. Come to where we first met. Or watch me burn this place to the ground. (as Brian) And the Mind Link ends. Did anyone, did anyone else hear that? Miss Arabella, you all right? What’s what? You kind of left of us for a second there. It was… It was a voice in my head, it said that the game is almost over. And to go back to where we first met. Does that mean the snake pit? Where we first met? Where we all had those dreams. All right. I think we need to go back to the pit. Well, if we’re gonna do that, then we know what we’re going into. Need to pick up some supplies. Read my mind.
Agreed. Should we properly dispose of what’s left of Miss Cynthia? If you guys are gonna go out to that snake pit, you remember you will pass the graveyard on your way out of town because it’s up to the northwest. Should you choose to do that. If you want supplies, there are two places in town you can purchase them. The Bullock Hotel and Hardware Store or you can go back to Cy Tolliver at the Bella Union and see if he’ll sell you supplies. Well, there’s no one running the Bullock Hotel right now, so I don’t know how we’d get the supplies, we’d just take them? There might be someone there. Yeah, in the Bullock, probably. Saul Starr operates the hardware section of the Bullock Hotel. Well, I do have Tim as a connection at the Bella Union, I don’t think, unless we require anything that’s under the table necessarily, we can just go to the Hotel. Agreed. I’m gonna go ahead and I guess, if you’re wishing to handle your sister’s remains, I’m gonna go ahead and make an expedition to the hotel. Anyone who wants to come along and pick up some supplies. I’ll do the same. I want to go back to my room for a moment. We’ll need light, lanterns, fire. (Fogg) Horses? Dynamite.
Things to make fire. Dynamite?
That was what I was thinking Oh, well now, uh… You wanna mess with dynamite? Yes. Fuck whatever this snake demon deity is that is trying to take over this town. Fuck that oil. Fuck all of it. All right, she wants to fuck with dynamite. Very well. I’ll help you with your sister. Thank you, Reverend. You coming, Fogg? Sure. We do need horses, I imagine? Should I…? We should probably get two more, since we only have the three. Sure.
All right. (laughing) Let’s try to hold onto these this time, gentlemen? We’ll try to avoid a stampede second time out. Absolutely.
(knowing laughing) All right all right, so yeah, let’s go ahead and buy some equipment while they’re finishing up. We’ll head to the livery, pick up ourselves two more horses and then we’ll regather here at the outside of the hotel, sound good? (Reverend hums in agreement) You know where you got the horses the first time. All right.
All right, so we’ll head to the Bullock?
Yep. Okay, you guys head to the Bullock Hotel. You walk in, you see some of the remaining residents of the hotel just looking out the windows and ducking still, just very terrified, thinking that with the events of what’s happening anything could sort of happen any moment. They’re terrified. Could I do a Notice check? Sure, please. What are you looking for? Nothing in particular.
Okay, yeah. Just anything that might be of use. Cool. (dice rattle then clatter) A four explodes and a five, so. Reroll that four! And that’s a one, so. Okay.
Five, 10. You look down the street as you guys get close enough to the hotel and you see that Garrett from the livery has abandoned it and the horses are all still there. Two of them have been shot in some of the crossfire, but there’s still about four or five horses left at the livery and Garrett is nowhere to be found. He’s probably fled, you assume, with some of these people and left the livery abandoned, so. Maybe I’ll make… Why don’t I go ahead and take care of grabbing a couple of horses before they run off? You think you’ll be fine here at the Bullock, I’ll just, when I get back, I’ll bring the horses to you? Yeah, come on back. I’m gonna head up to my room and grab a couple of things. Pick up a few lanterns for the troop, pick up a few other packs of matches just in case. Pick up some general trail rations, just for the travel portion there and possible return. And as far as dynamite goes… All of it. How much dynamite do they have available?
Fucking all of it. (Matt chuckles) Which I assume they have, given this is a mining town, that’s probably
There is dynamite available. A prominent supply. Marshall, can I say that I would have handed some gold over to Mr. Sharpe before we separated? Of course, yeah, that’s fine. But what he’s going to purchase anyway would not equal up to, you know, he got 250– Gold. 250 Dollars in gold from– So I give you 50 gold from my stash to help.
I’ll take it, [Sharpe] ain’t gonna argue. So Clayton, you wanna buy some dynamite? One of a few things, yeah, but dynamite is the most important one. Okay, how much dynamite would you like to get? How much are they? As far as like, how much do we want, I guess I would say? I know they probably come in clumps of like four sticks, eight sticks. One, two, four, and eight. There we go. I have no concept of how much what does.
That’s true. How, do, okay. Well, the heavier it is, the harder it is to throw. Right, but if you have like several clumps and stuff.
But can you place it? Yeah! So if we wanted to collapse a tunnel inward? Man, I am not a demolitions expert, but! But if we wanted to collapse the pit inward or collapse a tunnel inward…
Yeah, how much (stammering)? It’s probably a decent amount. One stick of dynamite would probably do it, two would definitely do it. One stick? One stick?
Yeah. But it’s a pit! That’s a big pit though. It’s a big pit! Yeah, I thought you said a tunnel. A pit in the ground is different. A tunnel, you just need to
Yeah, a pit. Hit one structure point.
Right, right. Yeah. Would it be wise to spread it out among us? I think so. So, two, two, two, two, two? That way if someone catches fire, we don’t lose the entire bit. (laughing)
Fair! (laughing) Always thinking, Clayton. Who’s the least flammable among us? Well, I have lots of hairspray, so– (laughing) It’s a new development you gentlemen really should know about. Fair enough. Two, two, two, two, and two? Two too?
I’d say Four, four, four, four, and four. Let’s do it! Why not, more is more! Five sets of four sticks, please, Marshall. You got it, you got it, Saul Starr– That’s 50 sticks of dynamite, please. Saul Starr hands you those sticks of dynamite and says, Hope you’re not taking the stagecoach out of town with these. Oh no, just a short jaunt around the corner. (as Starr) Wheels on that tend to be a little bumpy. Also, thanks for helping out my partner. Well, tell him thanks for helping out the rest of the poor fuckers that live here. (as Starr) He’s off trying to find Doc Cochran but when he gets back, I’ll let him know. Appreciate that. All right so, gather up the sticks, gather up the lanterns. And we all have matches too? Matches for everyone set as well, so you got that in your disposal. And actually, can I buy fuse as well? Ooh, extended fuse, yeah. (group murmurs in assent) Hell yeah.
Good call. I just assumed it was on there, what do I know? Saul’s probably got maybe two rolls of 20 feet. Worth it.
Two rolls of 20 feet of fuse, I’ll take it.
Let’s do it. The kind of mining that people come to the hardware store to get supplies for is not usually larger scale like this, but they keep some around for special occasions. I’m just gonna run up to my room for one minute, I need to grab one more thing. All right, all right. You run up to your room, the others will stay down, go ahead.
I’ll run up to my room and I go into a chest where I’ve put some of my clothes and I pull out a photo, worn grizzled photo of me and my husband and I take it and I put it in my chest, in my cleavage, and I open up my second snuff box and I wrap the contents of that different substance in more cloth for padding. Close it up, put it in my pack, and head downstairs. Okay. Not the substance that you… Asked questions about recently? Yes.
Yeah. Okay, okay. And you rejoin the others downstairs, okay. As you get downstairs, you can see through the window that Fogg’s on his way back with the horses. Ladies and gentlemen, mount up. I say we take a leisurely less bumpy stroll back up to the pit. Agreed.
I agree. I’ll have gone into Doc Cochran’s office and grabbed some canvas, tarp, or sheet to come out and roll up– Yeah, his office was open, that’s absolutely fine. Roll up Cynthia? Yeah. Did you just hand her her sister? The dynamite.
(laughing) When we see her next. I was like, Jesus! (overly dramatic pretend crying) Here’s your goddamn sister! I was like, what did you hand her?! We cremated her while you were– The Reverend had me distracted. She’s a lot lighter after a few weeks in the ground. (groaning) A little dehydrated? Boy, let’s see, how many Bennies you, I’ll leave them, I was gonna take one away. (laughing) You come out of Doc Cochran’s office and you approach the body of Cynthia. Roll her, roll her back, cover her up with the canvas. Pick her up, put her on the back of one of the horses. Have you ever done a funeral service twice, Reverend? Can’t say that I have. No. I’m glad that we get to share this experience together. Right. Shall we? Okay, you guys head out of town by the northwest trail. After about a few minutes, you arrive at the graveyard. The scene is similar to as it was before, except there’s no fog. (Fogg grunts in acknowledgement) There’s still a hole where Wild Bill was, there’s still a hole where your sister was. But there’s no fog at the moment. Are any of the other graves disturbed or is everything pretty much the same? Like it seems undisturbed. Go ahead and give me a Notice check. (Marisha hums in anticipation) (dice rattle) (dice clatter) Four, oh no, both of them exploded! So six and five, 11. Okay, nothing else is disturbed. You guys didn’t get to see a lot of the ground ground because of the fog last time you were there, but none of the other graves are disturbed. Nothing has been, everything looks quiet, everything looks quiet and calm. I would say three-quarters of the town has deserted it. There’s no one visiting relatives, there’s no one, everything is exactly as it were. Nothing else on the ground additional or anything like that. Arabella, I assume your sister’s plot will do? Yeah, that’d be fine. Let’s make this quick, I don’t wanna be here too long. And a burial is what you would prefer in this case? (wolf howls) You think we should take any other precautionary measures, just in case? It kind of crept into my mind. Yeah? I would second that motion. All right. Let’s get her in the grave. You guys will remember because she was one of the recently buried people in Deadwood that her grave was a lot more shallow than the one that Reverend fell into so it’s not a problem to sort of just lay her down in there. It’s only a couple feet. Now, by other precautions, do you are you saying we should burn young lady? I think we should. Either that or remove the… Head? (stammering) Yes. I think in many cultures cremation is considered a respectful way– Yeah, you know, that would be– Let’s do it. Mmhmm. Just let me–
Some lantern oil or…? Taking, unscrew the lantern, just enough to start a fire, scatter it a bit. I walk forward and I take off the Tear Catcher from around my neck and I pop open the lid and pour it out. Say my goodbyes. No more tears. Light a match, throw it. The oil catches fire quickly. The body burns as the five of you stand around the grave. Body just burns. It’s just occurred to me that we left EB Farnum in the in the drugstore. I mean, he is open but… Should we take similar precautions? Ooh, oh good point. It seems these undead creatures… I’ll handle it. Thank you. Jump up onto the horse and as I’m turning around, like, Meet me at the Doc’s as you guys are heading out of town. (grunts in giddy-up) And just head off that way. Okay. You ride back into town, only takes you a couple minutes. You get to Doc Cochran’s office, the door’s open. You go inside and face down is Farnum’s body. Take out a Bowie knife and just carve the head off. Okay. You wanna leave it there? I’ll take the head and kick it in a corner and throw a couple of heavy blankets over it just to keep it separate. Ain’t got time to worry too much about it now. Mr. Sharpe! (laughing)
Goddamnit, Farnum! Hello, Mr. Sharpe! (laughing) Let’s see roll for headbutting, that’s about all he’d be able to do, maybe a bite? (laughing) No, you guys are smart, okay cool. So you wanna ride back up to the party? Yeah.
While he’s gone, is anything, you guys discuss anything, anything happen? He’s gonna be gone about–
No, I think we’re– [Brian] five minutes, Farnum had a small head and neck. (laughing) Yeah, and he’s pretty good at this. (Matt imitates knife hitting the floor) I’d say wait for the flames to die down a little bit and then we can bury her. Because she was already pretty decomposed, it doesn’t take very long, a few minutes for you to tell that even though the oil flame itself is still going, the body’s pretty much the body’s unrecognizable pretty much. It’s turning to ash. So we cover her up, we rebury her. Rebury whatever’s left. The fire goes out as the sand goes in. Thank you all for that. You’re very strong, I think your sister would be proud. I think she would approve of my friends. Has Clayton rejoined us? Now’s about when Clayton would have come back, yeah. All right, I suppose now is the time for us to to head out. All right, what time of day is it about? It’s gonna be about, I would say, three to four in the afternoon, so you guys would get there probably just about at when night would be hitting. (Miriam grumbles apprehensively) If you want to avoid the narrow canyon that you took a few days ago to get up to the site originally, it would put you there around nine o’clock. What would be the chance of a second stampede, right? I mean, that would be kind of absurd. That would be impressive. (Travis giggles) (laughing) It’s a well-schedule stampede every night. (laughing) I’m no mathematician, but I feel like we should be safe. The 5pm… The migration cycle’s very short here in North Dakota.
Exactly. We might as well. You motherfuckers. (laughing) I love you all. All right.
Yeah. You guys wanna take the narrow canyon? Take the narrow canyon.
Let’s take a walk. Okay. When you guys ride out for a few hours, before you reach the narrow canyon, anything you guys wanna say to each other, anything else additional before we move on? Just wanna leave space for you. Miriam? (birds chirping) When I came out to Deadwood, I had nothing to lose. I’m only richer now for having come here. I don’t necessarily get the same sense from you, though. Unless I’m mistaken, which I can admit when I’m wrong. No, you’re right. There is still something that weighs on me. Then why? Why do all this, why risk your life? I didn’t leave my husband behind in Cheyenne. I left him behind in a shack halfway between here and Cheyenne. Dead of the pox. You’re not the only one who’s had to burn a loved one. I am so sorry. He was a man of many talents and always told me that I had even more than he did. (Arabella laughs gently) He was a healer and also a bit of a scoundrel. He sounds like he could have been handy. (Miriam chuckles) Before he lost his ability to to speak coherently, he told me to make sure that he died a a clean death. And so I burned him. Like your sister. I don’t know what those many talents are other than procuring goods for other people and whatever it is that they might need. And right now, one of the things that I’m carrying, it may be of use to us, it may be of danger to us. I don’t know what to do with it. I take out one of my snuff boxes and I open up and I unwrap two bottles of nitro. On horseback? No no, we’ve stopped. Okay!
Don’t worry! I wanna show you these. (laughing)
We’ve stopped, I’ve stopped. We’ve stopped behind, thank you. Thank you for that.
Just making sure! I’m an excellent rider. There’s plenty of cushion in here, too. (laughing) Don’t worry, we’re finding the little valley this time. (Matt imitates something cracking open) You’ll see at the bottom of your character sheet you can roll for Nitro Boob Stability. (laughing) It’s a new homebrew that we’ve added. I haven’t known what to do with it. But I feel like we may need to use it this time. I have no earthly idea on where you got that, and I don’t think that that’s the important part here. I don’t think you wanna know where I got any of the goods that I have. I suppose it’s time to share this with the gentlemen, isn’t it? (birds chirping) Gentlemen, I seem to have come into ownership of these two bottles. Unfortunately, and I have stopped, thank you very much. Unfortunately, I don’t know that I have necessarily the athletic skill to be using them. Well, I’ll be damned. Nice to have in your back pocket. Any other surprises you got on you like that? Anyone? Anybody is a particularly good thrower? I’m not bad myself. I suspect that you might be the best. You do have a Throwing skill, you can check and see, you guys. I have none. I’m amazing. Really?
I don’t believe him. That’s a lie.
(Marisha laughs) That is not true.
I think I need both those nitros
That is not true. At my disposal. (laughing) I’ll go ahead and keep those. Okay, so I wrap them back up in the extra fabric that I wrapped them up in and then inside the box and I hand them to him. Smart move. Reverend, okay. As the sun’s starting to get low and they were having this little moment here, I just kind of look out and I have a question for y’all real fast, if you don’t mind. We’ve seen some strange things, we’ve shared some strange things. There’s one thing that’s been kind of eating away at me. Some of the things you been doing. That little little shared dream, that Dealer, whatever it is y’all keep toying with out there. Done some pretty great stuff but… (exhales tremulously) Aren’t a lot of things that scare me, but that scares the living fuck outta me. (swallows nervously) Do you trust it? No. At this point, I’m not sure what to think. I’m just trying to survive. I know that faith sometimes blind faith has become a part of my everyday routine, so, I don’t know if trust is the right word but I’ve given myself over to it. It’s helped us, hasn’t hurt us yet. That’s about all I can say. Faith’s an interesting point, but survival. Survival I can understand. Okay. Thank you. Okay, anything else?
Miriam? Fuck any God-given talents. I think you’ve earned all of yours. Thank you, young lady. Let’s ride. Okay, you guys get back on your horses, continue the ride, as you crest the familiar final hill. You guys made it through the canyon with no stampede. (quiet laughing) I had 400 horse minis painted but I’m afraid– (laughing)
The final encounter! Take a little bit too much time. With every horse in the West! We see three hyenas up on the ledge and one of them’s like (goofy Ed laughter). (laughing) There’s a warthog and a little lemur! (laughing) As you crest that familiar final hill to the clearing, where just a few yards before you is the snake pit, there’s no longer smoke coming from it, you would have seen it sooner. Not yet. But you do see with its back turned to you, a hooded figure in a cloak. (inhales sharply)
(sniffs) Looking down into the pit. And as you guys… Are you gonna stay on your horses or do you wanna get off? You’re still several yards back. I’m gonna stay astride. Stay astride? Has the figure seemed to notice our presence? It’s just looking down in the pit right now. I’m gonna say horses aren’t the most quiet. Yeah, I would second that notion. Things to approach, maybe it’s best we take this to foot. Agreed. Some on cavalry, some on foot? (intense string music) I’ll stay on horseback, but I’ll stay back here. Make a Stealth check for me. All of us, or just him? Just him. (dice rattle then clatter) Explode that motherfucker. Explode that motherfucker! Get it!
Yeah! Explode that motherfucker! 19. Na-na-na-na-nineteen, 19! You can get closer with that horse if you want to. Both the horse and I both go… (laughing) Bink bink bink bink bink! Anyone else gonna stay on horseback? Stepping off. Stepping off?
I’ll trust that. Yeah, I’ll trust that, I’ll pop off as well. Okay. Make sure all guns are fully loaded. Guns are loaded.
Hammer’s cocked. And the rest of the horses are tied back there. Yeah, you guys would tie them off at trees, probably similar to the same place where you guys did before. All right, as you start slowly and quietly and very stealthily while on a horse, approach. As you get about I don’t know, I would say 15 feet away, you see the figure turn its head towards you and remove the cloak. As he does, you see what’s left of the familiar white hair and mustache of Doc Cochran. And he turns around and he looks at each of you and he says, I’m the Servant. You’re servants, but I’m the Servant. And you can tell his face starts to sort of distort and you see the cloak start to rip open, the buttons are ripping open. You see his mouth start to open wider and wider and out of his mouth you see a snake-like tongue come out. But the snake-like tongue is followed by a snake’s mouth and you see, as Doc Cochran’s head starts to be peeled back like skin, as a giant snake head comes out of his body, followed by another giant snake head. Shedding, almost completely now, the body. Leaving the body of Doc Cochran obliterated in the dirt. And as the body is about to hit the ground, a third snake head comes out. It’s time to see what cards you’re dealt. (groaning cries)
Holy shit! (Travis laughs)
That’s grotesque. Is this a three-headed snake, is that’s what happening? Or is it three different snakes? It looks like it’s a three-headed snake. Looks like a three-headed snake. It’s a three-headed snake! Oh man.
(Travis laughs maniacally) We’ve swapped our map out. Ooh, ace of spades!
Yes, Reverend! Goddammit, I’m so slow.
Four of clubs. Nine of hearts. [Brian And Travis] Queen of hearts. Oh, thank you. You’re welcome, you’re welcome. Miss Miriam! Ten of diamonds!
Miss Miriam is always so slow. So. As you have watched Doc Cochran transform and basically be had his body shed from him like a snake, you saw three snake heads poke out and as the end of Doc Cochran’s body is sort of being shedded off like skin, you see two feet (thuds)
step out from the remains of Doc’s body and a long tail. (shouting)
What is that?! Oh shit. Technically, he’s standing right outside the pit, but so you guys can see what we’re looking at here.
Oh my goodness. Jesus! I will let you put yourselves wherever you want to put yourselves. Oh! On the perimeter? Or on the board?
Yeah, I would say that if you guys, while this was happening, started running in crazy directions or sticking together and going somewhere, I would say it took probably about 30 seconds for that whole sort of transformation to be complete, and so once you saw that stuff, freaking out, if you guys wanted to run around, do whatever, you’re absolutely… But you can place yourselves where you would like to be on the board.
He’s on a horse. I’m fucking riding, I’m up on my goddamn feet!
He’s standing on a horse! Preacher got secrets! You are on a horse. It’s like a Cirque du Soleil act. (laughing) I’m getting behind something. Yeah, on foot, probably couldn’t get too far in that time period.
Right. Probably gonna try and get about there.
You guys can get yourselves onto the board but not super deep into the board, please.
I’m gonna be near you. Over here?
Behind that guy, yeah. Where you going, Aloysius? Well… I’d say I’m gonna run over there near Miriam in that area. Okay. I’m gonna be… Also near these.
Just push us behind [Miriam] the rock a little bit, both of us. I’m gonna be behind that rock. All right, so. You guys feel good? Yeah. I mean…
As he steps out, as good as you can, right, yeah. As he steps out into this form, Shit. And he’s kind of looking and you see all three of the heads sort of looking in different directions and sort of marking where all of you are located that can pretty much see. And he’s tall, he can see all of you. Most of you are about half or whatever covered, but he can see pretty high up there. For now, he’s gonna stay where he is. Reverend Mason. Uh-huh?
You are up first. (repeated, nervous agreement) I am going to ride my steed around his six.
Okay. And can I come within enough distance of the pit to look inside and see what’s in there while I am standing on the top of my, no. No, he’s not really standing. I would say, yeah, you can see down the pit, and it looks as it was before except I would say the corpse of the Irishmen are a little bit more decomposed. There’s still thousands of snake corpses and bones and things like that that are in there.
No movement? No movement that you can see at this time, no. Okay, great. Outside of the three heads, the three-headed snake. Okay.
That’s the only [Brian] thing moving right now. So I’ll get around here just to fully surround him. And we’ll see what a little damage does and with my offhand, I’ll reach behind my back and pull out my 40-caliber Starr revolver, cock the hammer and fire off a shot. Wow, okay, not your shotgun. No. Okay! The Reverend has produced a new weapon into the fold. Let’s have a look. (dice clatter) (grunts in annoyance) Nope. I miss, it’s a two. You miss, okay.
Lemme see the cards? Your movement is done – Arabella? Oh shit. You are placed here behind this rock, group of rockings. I don’t know what to do! As soon as I hear the Reverend’s shot, I’m gonna take that as a sign and I will pull out my Colt Army and fire off a shot and see. I’ll kinda crouch down, try and use the rock to steady my aim. (dice clatter) Four, success. Go ahead and roll to see if you do damage or not. (dice clatter)
Okay. Eight damage. All right, you fire your weapon and from where you are, it hits him in one of his arms and the other one hits him in his leg and he moves towards you a few feet. Oh.
But he does not [Brian] appear to be affected by those two shots. He doesn’t appear to be affected? Does not. Do you want to move anywhere? Yeah, as soon as I start seeing him come towards us, I’m gonna freak out and start heading towards this rock over here. Over here?
Yes. Yeah, go ahead, Travis. (Travis imitates footsteps and falling, grunts) (cries out)
(breathes quickly) Thank you. All right, Clayton “The Coffin” Sharpe? Okay. Six, yeah. All right, seeing him storm away from that hole heading in the direction of a large cluster of my current allies– Oh shit! Based on the somewhat effective pep talk from Mr. Fogg over there, I kind of look down at my hands, envisioning that moment the day before seeing those sparks of energy shooting through the veins and whisper to myself, I don’t know what or who gave us this but if there’s a time to give in, now it is. I’m gonna step out from behind the rocks and trudging forward, focusing on the glistening eyes of the serpent faces, and attempt to rob them of their vision, just concentrating as I try and invoke Blind on them. (Travis squeals)
Blind, okay. Yeah! Blind!
Come on, man! Come on, baby!
Come on, blindness! How many power points would you like to bid for?
Two points. To bid for? Oh (chuckling nervously). Don’t get greedy! Greed ain’t cheap!
Choose wisely! (Sharpe sighs) I’m gonna bid three. Gonna bid three?
Oh my god! I like it, I like it! Bidding three!
Let’s go! Going big!
Go big or go home! (Sharpe sighs deeply and nervously) Embrace your power! Six. Okay. Clubs, four of diamonds, jack of hearts
Oh boy, [Travis] we’re all over the place. Ace.
Ace high! Yeah.
Spades. Queen’s high, but– Four!
Oh! Oh shit, oh shit! You’ve at least got two, right? Trying to bid for three. No.
No, I bid three. He bid three and the dealer gave him two. So, you can spend, you can use your grit points, which is one, to replace one of the cards if you’d like to. Just choose wisely which card you’d like to replace. Oh man. I’m gonna have to take back that six ’cause them face cards, I think, is where the luck is. Keep my friends around me. Oh my god, come on, come on. I’m just gonna pull from the middle. Another pair, another pair!
Ooh! Nah!
(disappointed groans) Sadly, Clayton, your spell has no effect. You focus,
Worth a shot. Was worth a shot!
That damn circus! First to cast a spell, first to fail at a spell, that’s the Matthew Mercer brand. (laughing) You feel that rush of energy inside of you that has become sort of familiar to you since you guys had that dream and were gifted these huckster powers. And as you focus and you try super hard to cast Blindness, he sort turns around and looks toward you, one of the heads and he says, Weaker servant. And then he turns back around and he’s gonna move back over towards Arabella. Do you want to move at all? I’m gonna continue to pursue with what rest of movement I can, which is–
Okay. Two, three, four, five, six. That’s it, that’s my turn. (deeply exhales) You tried, that was so good.
You did. Hey, most of you fuckers’ spells have been working, so uh, you know?
Yeah yeah! Would do, would do!
First one to fail yet. Ain’t that true? And in fairness, you bid for much higher than the rest of us. That’s true.
Would have been worth it. I’m the only one left that hasn’t done it and I don’t know that I will!
Aloysius Fogg. It’s your turn, my friend. Well, there’s no use in running around with some nitro in my hand. (Miriam wavers unsurely) I say…
Come on! I was gonna throw it into the pit and see if maybe that affected what he was doing, but he’s kind of in the way, so I’m gonna throw it throw it at him through… If it hits, if it misses him, maybe it’ll fall into the pit.
Sure. Okay, so you can definitely hit it from where you’re at. As far as your throwing distance goes. Make a Throwing check for me, please. Come on!
Throwing check. Let’s see, okay, yeah. You got it, you got it, you got it. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) Four! (clapping) Four goes wild. Okay.
All right! [Brian] Go ahead and roll for me 3d6s. 3d6s, all right. (dice rattle)
Roll two first. (dice clatter) Yes!
That is 11, one explodes! Yes!
Keep going, keep going. (dice clatter) Three, so that’s… 14 and you have one more.
That’s 14 and one more. (dice clatter) Five! 19.
19! Total of 19? Total of 19. Gimme a second please.
I think you got them. With a 19 damage, I want you to describe for me throwing the nitro at the creature. How do you want to throw this at it? (quiet, knowing laughing) Well, let’s see. I spit in my hand grab the nitro and and kind of chuck it like a shot put. You know, yeah, maybe I’ll spin a little, why don’t I spin? Let’s just spin a little bit and chuck this thing right there right at its chest. I wanna make sure that I don’t miss the thing that’s holding these heads together. Okay.
(cries of appreciation) So it’s like mutual neck area? Yeah yeah, the mutual neck area. Mutual neck! Okay, as you do–
That’s my high school band. (laughing) The Mutual Neck Area? You throw the eight ounce vial of nitro at the creature. It hits in the amulet around its neck and explodes. The heads, you see them spin violently and thrash at the air as if they could stop whatever was happening too late. They were not expecting this. This head is shaken, this head is wounded. This head is wounded. Oh my god, yes!
(cheering) Oh my god! As it sort of settles, he turns around and you see all of the heads sort of looking in different directions and he definitely saw where that was coming from and moves closer to where you guys are. Fogg, would you like to make any movement now that you’ve finished your action? Yeah, let’s run towards the pit. Behind it!
(Travis grunts repeatedly) No, he said behind it, no, it’s fine, it’s fine. (Brian laughs)
No no, you can jump over it but come– Behind.
Exactly. Where it’s going towards away from the pit.
That’s good. Come forward, come forward.
Four, five, six. There you go, there you go.
That’s six. Okay, up next, it’s going to be the former Doc Cochran’s turn. (Matt groans sadly)
Oh no, me. Sad for me. He’s going to turn around as he saw Fogg running this way and he is extremely pissed. He’s so mad he doesn’t even want to keep this wound. He wants it to… He’s gonna come towards you and he’s gonna make a bite attack with one of his heads. (Fogg grunts)
Oh, wow. (dice clatter) (dramatic, tense violin plays) Okay, he’s fast. He’s on foot, he’s fast, he’s got arms, he’s got three heads, he gets to you rather quickly. He goes to take a bite at you. You are shaken. And you have one wound. Ooh!
All right. After that, he’s going to turn back around to face the direction of Miriam. Miriam, it is now your turn. Can I run first and shoot later? You absolutely can. So I’m gonna run as far as I can around the back and towards the, sort of like in Arabella’s direction. Four, five, six. There we go. And once I get as far as I think I can, I’m gonna spin around and I’m going to I’m gonna brace myself as quickly as I can and shoot with my Winchester. Okay, go ahead and fire. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) (exhales quickly) Miss. Okay. You can spend a poker chip to reroll. I would like to reroll. (dice rattle) (dice clatter)
Six. Yas!
There you go, explode! Six! Explode!
Yes! Six! Explode!
Oh my god! And two, so that’s 20. I spin around, I turn, I brace and I say, You stay away from him! (laughing)
20? Yes. Go ahead and roll damage, please. (dice rattle then clatter) Fuck off.
That definitely hits. Does she roll extra dice? This would be an extra d6. Extra d6. Okay, so then, two, exploding eight so that’s 10. (dice clatter)
Ten and three is 13 and four is 17. 17, okay.
(Anjali whoops) And I aim for that same mutual neck. I want it going down. Okay, from the angle that you are at– Can I?
You fire, sure, you fire, you hit just under the amulet, piercing his scaly thick nasty skin. (dice clatter) He’s going to spend a Benny to heal himself. Can he do that when it’s not his– Wounded him again.
Okay. He might be able to perhaps because of the initiative card that he pulled, he might be able to for some other reason. Like you have, he healed himself quickly and you’ve wounded him again. Okay, Reverend Mason, it’s now your turn. I’ll use that free action to continue around and try and get closer to Mr. Sharpe. Okay, so you, on horseback, can move faster and you can do another free action there. Yep, there you go. And I’ll hop off the horse. You wanna hop off the horse, okay. I’ll slap it on the ass, be like, Go home, Sally! That horse runs in that direction as fast as it possibly can.
(Travis neighs) Okay, Arabella. Oh, jeez. (indecisive humming) I’m going to can I run over and peek down into the pit? Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, you can do that. You could see down in there. Okay. I’m gonna run over, look down, what do I see? You see exactly what you saw last time, except no smoke, you see the snake corpses, you see bones, you see the dead Irishmen that were there before, they’re just a little bit more decomposed. Okay.
Yeah. [Brian] You don’t see any other creatures like Doc Cochran or anything, just the… Just a big ole pit. The big ole pit with the big ole snake guts and bones and everything in there. And I still have time to do an action? Of course! All right, I’m gonna pull out the dynamite. Okay. One stick, the grouping? You said a grouping is… Four. But it’s a shorter throw range, right? True. Yeah, because you’re just in this case, it’s not really a throw. You’re just gonna drop it in there.
Drop it in that bitch. Into the pit? Yeah, if you miss, that’s just Darwinism. (laughing) Is there anything in the bottom of the pit worth doing that for? All you can see is the bones and the Irishman.
Yes! Bodies, dynamite, fucking do it! I wanna see what happens. I’m gonna light it–
Yeah! And throw the whole thing in. All four sticks, all right.
All four sticks! I don’t know, I don’t know!
All four sticks? [Brian] Roll 4d6 for me, please. Oh boy.
(dice clatter) (grunts of disgust) That one explodes. (dice clatter)
Another six is 20. Exploding again. 24 damage. Okay.
Yo. You throw that grouping of dynamite into the pit and it lands all the way down, it’s about 30 feet or so down, I think I said before. It lands directly in the center and you’re sort of just breathing as you’re watching the fuse just get closer and closer and closer. Come on, come on, come on! There is an explosion and all the way up past the pit I would say 20 feet above where all of you are standing is snake guts and bones and pieces of Irishmen’s body and teeth and dirt and pieces of the mining equipment and everything just starts getting exploding all around. (Matt imitates the whooshing sound of things falling) Oh god. The sides of the pit start filling in with sand and the pit starts sort of collapsing on itself and it gets to the point to where enough of it basically has filled the pit to where it’s only about five to six feet deep now. Oh shit. It has been totally filled in by that dynamite blast. Except for about five or six feet of the top of the pit there. Okay. That sucker, that was an explosion. I don’t know if that helped anything, but I did it! Does this affect the the Cochran in any way?
Doc Cochran? None whatsoever. “The Cochran.” (laughing) No, it doesn’t. He’s definitely pissed, but he doesn’t seem to react to that very much at all outside of trying to figure out who his target is gonna be. (groaning) Fantastic job. Mmhmm!
I guess? Clayton! Since you–
I don’t know, I guess? If you didn’t do it, I was going to. Okay okay okay. Yeah yeah yeah.
You had to! Clayton. Yes, Marshall? It’s now your turn, but before your turn. Because you did fail to meet the required points in your bid–
Right. With the Dealer, there may be some backlash. Wouldn’t surprise me. (dice clatter)
Herpe. (laughing) Clayton, I need you to make a Vigor role, please. Oh shit, that’s serious.
Great, no, perfect. [Sharpe] Perfect, alrighty. (dice clatter)
Come on, you’re good at this right?
I am. (dice clatter) Yeah!
Eight. (Marisha sighs in relief) You only suffer one point of fatigue. Okay, okay.
There you go. Wow, what would have…
I wanna know what happens if you fail?
You dodged a bullet! That was not even a fail, that was an eight and he still got one.
It was a success, yeah. Good lord, all right, all right. It is now your turn if you would like to move and act. All right, so the one point of fatigue for me is minus one to my checks, is that how that works? No. Two points of fatigue and you are incapacitated. Ah.
Yes. Problematic, okay. Okay. I feel the wind drawn out of me and looking at my hands, I don’t know why I tried to deviate from my specialty in the first place! (imitates hammers cocking) Yeah!
Pull out both guns. Okay.
And I’m just gonna go ahead and step forward (imitates guns firing). Just firing at the Previously Known As Doc Cochran. I’d like to call him The DeCochran. The DeCochran?
The DeCochran. The dodecaCochran. I’m gonna step over here. The Dick Cock Ring. I’m just gonna make two shots. Okay, go ahead and roll for firing your weapon, please. (dice clatter) A five on the first shot. Okay. (dice clatter) Ooh, exploding on the eight. (dice clatter) 15 minus two because it’s off hand, 13 second shot. Both of those hit, go ahead and roll damage. All right! Throw in one more d6. Plus one.
All right. First, one. Four damage. Okay.
(laughing) (imitates high-pitched bullet strike) Second roll, this one hit hard. Nine damage.
Okay. Nein! Nein!
Nine. Neither one of them hit, they both miss. No! He’s moving so quickly.
Son of a fuck, His tail.
Piece of shit! His tail is moving so quickly, your first shot he bats it away with the tail the second shot, one of the heads just ducks out of the way. All right, I’m gonna go ahead and take a step back this way with my last bit of movement there. Step back there, okay. (imitates hammers cocking) Cock them both, ready for the next round, I’m done. Ready for the next round, okay. Aloysius Fogg. I need to get rid of these hula hoops. Yeah, you can roll, you need to roll to be unshaken. So go ahead and make a Vigor roll. Vigor roll!
Or Spirit, Spirit, sorry. Spirit roll?
Spirit. Spirit?
Yeah, it’s right above Vigor there. Okay then.
That’s good, that’s good. No no, we got–
Spirit, that’s even better. Eight and… All right, here we go, come on. (dice clatter) Hit. Yeah, we got a hit, we got a five and a two, so seven. Fantastic. Aloysius Fogg is no longer shaken. But you’re still wounded. Go ahead and take your wound. All right, well. You know what?
(shot glass thumps the table) What doesn’t kill you make you stronger. (Marisha laughs) Go ahead and turn that face down for me. There we go. Beautiful! So, you still have an action and movement. Well, I… I grab that other nitro. Go for it, baby, go for it, baby! And I say under my breath to myself, Turn your back on me! And I run cut half the distance between myself and the The DeCochran. You run head towards it? Yeah yeah.
He cuts his distance in half And pretty much smash this thing right into the neck, the back of his neck. Getting close.
You want to smash it with your hand into the back of his– No no no, I mean– (laughing)
Just checking! Just checking. Like a far away slam dunk, you know, that it’s… that I throw it but it’s… yeah yeah yeah very close range. To the back of its, to the back? To the back of his neck. Okay, go ahead and give me a Throwing roll, please. Throwing roll, let’s see. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) All right, that’s a hit! That is seven. Yeah, go ahead and roll damage. It’s gonna be 3d6 for the nitro. 3d6. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) Let’s see, seven. And one more.
(dice clatter) Is a 12.
Get it. (tense guitar music) So, as you throw the nitro at the back of this creature, it hits it just where the back of the amulet is. And you see it sort of thunder forward. And it turns around, it’s flailing its arms wildly and it goes, actually turns around, and falls into the pit. And suddenly you see, as the flames start to spread and catch over its body, former Doc Cochran explodes. You see shards of him go everywhere, all over the place. Completely obliterates it. And then the dirt underneath, as it starts to settle. The dirt starts to move in different places in a way that
Oh, Jesus. Looks familiar to you and you see that Doc Cochran has exploded into several smaller but still terrifying creatures that are now crawled their way out of the pit. Son of a bitch. You recognize these creatures from the first time you were at this pit. Thanks a lot, Mr. Fogg. (laughing) Into the goddamn frying pan. Fuck! Okay okay okay.
Extremely successful with the nitro, my friends, congratulations. Yeah, I think we just got to Stage Two a little bit faster than before. That’s all right! Wait til you see Stage Nine. (laughing) It’s a nine course meal? We’re gonna be here for nine days! Okay, so. So, do I still have a movement action? Yeah, go ahead and move if you want! Can I move– You wanna go back behind the rocks? “Run away!” Yes.
Back here? This cool?
Yeah yeah. Okay great. This thing was a son of a bitch. Miriam, it’s now your turn. Thank you for noticing that my giant… Noticing that the closest creature to any of us happens to be the one closest to the Reverend, I would like to… Can I shoot that far with my rifle? I’ve got my Winchester.
With your rifle, yeah yeah. You’re over there, yeah yeah yeah. I’m gonna aim for that little fucker. Okay. Not so little.
Can also move beforehand, if you want to, whatever you want to do. I don’t know that I want to move towards that guy, (high-pitched stammering from both). Okay, sure. (intentional stammering) Just let her be slightly cowardly. (dice rattle) Nothing about this is cowardly. This is amazing. (dice clatter)
Six. Yes! And five, 11. Beautiful.
Yes, yes? 11 to hit.
11 to hit, it hits. [Brian] Go ahead and roll damage for me, please. (dice rattle) Ooh! So add, yeah, add another d6. Yeah yeah yeah!
Leave that, that’s fine. It’s not cocked.
Yeah yeah! Six, no, no, that’s–
But that’s on a d8. (laughing) I was like…
It’s a six! Oh wait, 12, got my 2d8. (cheering) There we go!
That is 20. 23 and… 27.
Okay. Right as that–
Shit. Right as that creepy looking snake is about to lunge at the Reverend… (nervous yelling) Reverend, you hear a shot from behind you and you don’t see anything except for you feel all of the blood and guts and skeleton bones of that creature as it’s exploded, fly against your back and your body. That creature…
Yes! Very well done, Miriam.
Yes, Miriam! So, as that happens, I just start laughing and I go, I still got you, Reverend! And I move back this way.
(laughing) Okay. Thank you? Up next is going to be this one here, is this you? That’s me.
Clayton, yeah. He’s gonna turn around toward you. I need you to make a Vigor roll, please. Oh perfect, that’s good, that’s a good sign, right? (dice clatter) Four. Four, okay. The creature’s just sort of looking at you. It’s now Reverend Mason’s turn. I will swipe the muck off of my person and I will pull out the shotgun and I’ll move half my speed towards… Here?
Yep. Okay, so, one, two, three. Four, five, give me two more. You wanna to do two more, okay. Yeah, come here, motherfuck. And I’ll empty both barrels into Squidward over here. Okay good.
(laughing) [Brian] Squidward! (dice rattle then clatter) I’m gonna use one of these to add a d6 to that roll.
Reroll? [Brian] Okay, please do. That’s a six. Yes!
So that’s 10, so 12. That hits, go ahead and roll damage for me with that gun, please. So that’s 3d6 plus another d6. (dice rattle) That explodes.
Yes! Get it.
So then… 12. Get it. 15 and an additional d6. That’s 17 points of damage. Both barrels (imitates gun firing twice). You are close enough to this creature and it’s moving but it doesn’t wanna fall back in the pit, so you blast it and you see the whole top half of it just go and all this ooze and this black tar starts screeching out of it and the second half of its body just tumbles into the– Yeah.
Tumbles into the pit. (imitates blowing into a tube) (cheering) [Brian] You have a square left of movement, I believe? If you want to.
I’m okay where I am. Okay. Arabella, I need you to make a Vigor roll for me, please. All right. (dice clatter) Six! Exploded out. Five, 11. Fogg, go ahead and give me a Vigor roll as well, please. All right, Vigor Vigor. (dice rattle) Let’s see, five. Wonderful. Clayton, make a Vigor roll for me. (Sharpe sighs deeply) (dice clatter) That’s a three! That’s a three?
Yes, a three. So that’s a–
You have a Benny! You have a Benny if you wanna.
You do have your Bennies. I’m saving them. Yeah! That’s one has been spent– So. As this creature’s looking at you and you’re looking at it, it doesn’t mouth anything but you hear in your mind, You think this is all I’ve got? Oh shit. You gain another point of fatigue. (gasps)
(deep exhales) You now have two points of fatigue.
Okay. (Sharpe sighs with exhaustion) Oh shit. (exhales with great effort) Oh, Clayton. This creature, after finishing that with you, is going to slither its way over behind the Reverend and he is actually going to make a bite attack against the Reverend. Fast little fucker. Bite him in the ass. Yeah, they can slither
(Travis imitates slithering) they can slither fast–
(Reverend cries out nervously) [Brian] They can slither fast and far. So. Oh boy. Two of these guys left. Two of these guys left! Can I throw my Benny at the serpent? (laughing) Ping! Ow! (various cries of pain and complaining) (Travis sharply inhales) That stings!
It’s just rude! (laughing) No no, no, less dice. Smaller numbers. Nine, six, two. One, just a couple of ones. All right. The creature slithers up behind you. It wraps itself around your leg, pulls you to the ground and bites you right in your stomach. Oh shit! What? You are shaken. And you have one wound. Oh fuck. Okay. The creature is then going to slither away in this direction and sort of hang back. And as he does that, this one slithers away in this direction and hangs back. Very interesting. Bartender! I believe we have a wounded Reverend over here. Ooh, are you gonna take that wound or you gonna soak that wound? Are you gonna take the wound or are you gonna soak that wound? You have one Fate Chip left. I will soak the wound. No. Let it ride. (laughing) Yeah! Denied. There you are, sir. Thanks! With my thanks. (exhales with vigor) Mr. Aloysius Fogg. Well, my revolving rifle is empty. But my revolving pistol is not. Yeah! I unholster that thing… You’re right at it. You know what, I mean if I could, I’d stick the hilt of this thing in its mouth. Okay. And pull the trigger. It’s moving around a little too much for you to get close to it and do that. You can try to stick it in its mouth, but I would make you roll at a minus four. All right, well, let’s just– Because that would be kind of a called shot. Yeah yeah yeah. So if you wanna just shoot at it, since you’re so close,
Sure sure. Go ahead. All right. (dice clatter) Let’s see, that’s a six, minus one, so it hits. That does hit, go ahead and roll damage for me for that shot. All right. (dice clatter) One! (dice clatter) And a five. So the snake moves out of the way, he’s gonna slither away from you because you just shot at him and he’s going to try and bite at Miriam’s legs. It’s gonna make an attack at you, dear Miriam. Let’s hope the thickness of your gown is snakebite-proof. And my leather coat! And your leather coat! (dice clatter) (exhales slowly) (laughing worriedly)
(dice clatter) What words are you thinking right now? I know, I know! Want me to tell you what I’m thinking? (Khary grunts) Miriam, you are shaken. Okay, all right.
All right, all right. I’m okay. It is now your turn, you have movement and action. What would you like to do? All right, I… There’s not like attack of opportunities or anything if I move away from this guy? Is there? Okay. I’ll back up a little bit. (Marisha whoops) And I am going to think about what I pulled off at the Gem Saloon yesterday, at the church, and I’m gonna remember Reverend screaming, “Don’t we have lanterns?” Like six seconds ago, and I’m going to channel that lantern light and I’m gonna try and cast Light again. Okay, okay. Because I’m fucking tired of these motherfucking snakes in these motherfucking Dakota hills! (cheering)
Okay! The Dealer would like to know how many points you would like to bid for, only two? Two!
Okay. Jack of hearts. Four of diamonds. I just got a chill.
Seven of diamonds. Come on, come on.
Six of diamonds. Ooh, diamonds, come on. Come on, come on. Is that eight? So we have four… Is the last one diamonds too? Those are four diamonds, right? It is.
Four diamonds. You got a chance at the gut shot. Get rid of that jack, right, because– Yeah, for sure. Because that would be a flush, no? Or am I making that up in my head? No no, you got another diamond, you’re on a flush. You get a five of diamonds, you’re sitting If I get a five of diamonds.
fucking pretty. But any diamond–
Or any diamond! I get a flush.
You get a flush. It will be dawn, suddenly. Any diamond will be a flush but it could be a straight–
And anything, Five, a diamond, or five of diamonds.
Straight flush, right. All right, all right, all right, all right. Gimme, gimme, I’m gonna switch out the jack. (rapid, tense music) Pew pew! Come on, man, come on. I want you to draw from the deck. (Marisha exhales tensely) Oof, oof, oof. Come on, baby, come on. Why are you making me choose my fucking fate? Because you already chose your fate. Look at these sexy cards, all right. I don’t wanna die. (cheers of surprise)
The Joker! (cheering)
(screaming) Do that shit! Do that shit! What the fuck?! I would like to make that a five of diamonds! Yes! Yes! Straight fucking flush! Straight flush! Poker’s fun, you guys, I can see why people get addicted to this shit!
Totally great. (laughing) So, you were channeling the energy from the other day when you were able to do this. And are you focusing on that creature right there? I want to focus on, because it’s a giant blast apparently.
Yeah, it’s a blast. So I want to like, focusing on this creature but I wanna make it over top of this pit and just… With a straight fucking flush. Okay, you harness the energy. You start to feel that same sort of arcane energy flowing through you as you close your eyes and you focus. And as you’re focusing super hard and focusing on these two creatures in this area and trying to cast this Light, it sort of halts for a second and right before you’re about to cast it, you see the image of your sister’s face. But not like she was when she was undead, like the day you last saw her. (whimpering) And it fills you with rage and power. You cast Light, it shoots out across the field. Both of the snakes close their eyes and start flailing around. They are now blind.
(Marisha gasps) Okay.
Oh, nice. And there’s a bunch of light for 10 minutes?
Will have other disadvantages because of that spell. Okay.
Yes! So, would you like to move? I will just stumble backwards. I already moved backwards but a little bit more bink bink, kind of lean up against this rock. Okay, so you’re back here and because of that flush… (Marisha gasps) Yes!
You get to draw a fate chip. Hey! Hallelu! Yeah.
Green green green green! Come on baby, get your green, get your green! (drumming on table) (groans of disappointment) That’s okay, that’s okay, that’s okay. It’s still a Benny, and it is a no consequences Benny, which I appreciate.
Yep. Fate will do something. These creatures, one of them shaken and blinded, the other one blinded but not shaken, is going to… The shaken one is going to come around the rock here and try and get close enough to Miriam, because he’s pretty pissed at her. He can’t see.
And he’s gonna try and first unshake himself. (Brian sighs) He can smell your perfume. Six? Ew. Fucking hell. That’s how powerful my rolls have been. He does not succeed, he is still shaken. With a fucking two. And I won’t tell you the company I got these dice from, but I’m throwing them away after this game. (laughing) Yeah, so this one, because he does not remove his shaken status, he’s gonna stay where he is and he’s not gonna attack you. He’s going to just sit there and still be frightened. So we’re gonna move him back, I’ll move him back. So it is now going to be Clayton “The Coffin” Sharpe’s turn. “The Coffin?” Mmhmm. Yeah, what…? Go ahead and now that I’m back to back with Fogg there, kind of look over my shoulder. We both kind of glance over at this blast of light that’s summoned by Miss Arabella over there. Fuck, just stick to what works. And I’m gonna spin around between him and Miriam and go ahead and fire at the one that’s slowly slithering in her direction, go ahead and keep him at bay, as the other one seems to be currently assaulted by this strange arcane light and just take two shots at it between the two of them. You want to fire between Fogg and Miriam, or do you want to move around them and then fire? Well, if it’s going after Miriam, I’m actually gonna move around and try and get in front of Miriam. He’s incapacitated anyway. Okay, so now, you’re still a human shield for her, it’s awesome! You sweetie, you sweet, sweet thing. Go ahead and roll for your shots, please, sir. It’ll be done. (dice rattle)
(sharp inhales) With your minuses and everything. Yep, minus two.
(dice clatter) ♪ Shot, shot, shot, shot shots ♪ Ha ha! Eight explodes. That’s a 10 minus two, eight. So still hits with a raise. That does hit, go ahead and roll your second shot. Got it, this one is at a minus four. (dice clatter) Six explodes.
Okay. That’s an 11 minus four, that still bring us to a seven. Both hit. Yes!
All right! Go ahead and roll damage. First one get the raise damage die? It does.
All right. The first shot, yeah. Yeah. Ooh, double sixes again! Come on!
Yes! Can I borrow your dice? I know, apparently!
Can I borrow your dice? Come on, Coffin! Do you know what this is? This is because I touched Laura’s dice at GenCon. At GenCon?
(laughing) This my fucking curse. 26, six explodes.
Okay, okay. Two, so 28 points of damage on that first shot. First shot, one shot! First shot! How many? 26 on the first shot, how many on the second? I haven’t rolled it yet. Oh, roll the second then, please. (dice clatter) Both sixes. Come on!
(screaming laughter) This is dumb! Yes! (laughing) 12 plus six, that’s 18 points of damage on the second. What was the first one? 26. That’s 40 what?
44. 44, okay give me one moment, please. I’m gonna say something to you that I’ve wanted to say for an extremely long time. How the fuck do you want to this? (cheering in Critical Role) So (laughing), whirling around in front of Miriam, kind of out of the corner of the eye give a wink, like Don’t worry, I got you. Looking across at the creature itself slithering up, its mouth open, I go ahead and just put both barrels down kind of squint as I aim and then right as it leaps towards me, (imitates gun firing) fire them both at once. Right down its gullet. Okay, you fire at once, right down its gullet. The impact of the bullets literally split the creature in two and one half of it flops to the side, no movement. The other half of it flops to the side, no movement. Upon seeing this, the last remaining creature backs up sort of behind those rocks and he looks out at all of you, and he says Weak servants. I spin my guns at him, Really? (laughing) He scurries away. But he’s blind!
Slithers away into the woods Can he run into things? (imitates thudding into things) (laughing) He’s running away, he’s running the opposite direction of where he knows all of you are. You see him hobbling– How fast is he going, can we still kill him? Can we still get him?
Yeah yeah, where– How fast is he going? He slithered away incredibly fast, terrified. These guys are pretty quick, yeah. Terrified, you would have to get on a horseback to chase him down. Eh, it’s not worth it, they’re tied up and it takes time. So. Anything you guys would like to do around the side of the pit? Is there anything we can do to help them with their wounds? Yeah.
Does anyone have a good healing? I can attempt some healing, yeah. For the time being, you don’t need to. Okay. Would you guys like to do anything else around this area? What would you like to do? I’d like to rest for a minute, if that’s okay. Do you want to go sit down by one of the nearby trees? Yeah, as I start hobbling that way looking down in the pit and see how much of it has kind of fallen and collapsed. It’s pretty full of just dirt. You don’t see any of the remains or any of the Irishmen– Well, no, they’re all scattered about the outside of it now.
They’re scattered around [Brian] the outside of it, but the inside, it’s just a pit full of sand now. Fair enough. That dynamite just collapsed it. Go over to one of the trees and just sit down and pull out my canteen. Okay.
There you go. Anything else you guys would like to do at this area? I go over to Clayton and try to see if there’s anything I can do, if I can give him food, if I can give him water, anything to try to help his fatigue. “Oh, Mr. Clayton!” That’s not how I talk, nice try. (Travis continues imitating a high-pitched voice) Do you want some more ASMR? (Khary laughs)
(Travis snores) Go to sleep! So, those of you with points of fatigue, go ahead and remove those. All right. Those of you with wounds, the wounds stay. Okay. Can we attempt to heal them? I can try and do a little bit of treating real quick, yeah. Do you have medical supplies with you? I’ve got my good sensibility. (laughing) We could try to arcanely heal ourselves. I could try to arcanely heal ourselves. Do you see something in there that could do that? There’s a healing somewhere in here. Mmhmm.
There is. There’s a healing in there. But it’s a three. It’s a three?
Ooh. Oh no. “Healing removes wounds less than an hour old.” I’m not scared. Definitely less than an hour old.
I ain’t either. I’ll try to heal myself. Now that the danger has passed. All right. You need three points. I’ll try to heal myself. You wanna see The Dealer? Yeah. (cards shuffling) What the hell just happened here, people? I don’t know. That was a three-headed snake jumped out of the mouth of a man. Okay, yeah, let’s just, we’ll talk about that later. It was a little weird. It was a little weird! That was a little weird. Still trying to process all this. If we got our powers from this being, are we able to give them back? I don’t know if we got them from this being, though, we got it from this Dealer fellow. 10 of clubs. Nine of…
Spades. Or eight of spades. 10, pair.
(snaps) (Marisha shouts in support)
10, got a pair. All you need is–
Come on, come on. Nine.
That’s two pair! No no no, that’s eight and a nine. That’s an eight and a nine. Three of a kind! (cheering)
(clapping) Look at that! You are healed, my friend. (cheering) You can remove your point of wound. It’s a miracle!
(sighs of relief) It’s now–
Thank you, Lord! Pretty close to the middle of the night. (deep exhales) Okay. What would you guys like to do? Do you wanna head back to town, do you want to… Maybe, do we have time to head back, how long does it take to get back to town? Maybe I can get some supplies for healing. Gonna take you a few hours ride to get back to town. You gotta heal that before it turns into an injury. Good lord.
I can make an attempt. I guess.
Or it turns into an injury and we..
Three, well. Treat it back home. Two… Or you can see a man about an injury. (hums religiously) Three of a kind in a row? This is, I think we’re starting to push our– It’s is a hot table, it’s a hot table, Aloysius! Come on, baby, let’s go! (laughing) It’s a hot table. Oh hell, you only live once. (whooping) Oh shit! Would you like to see the Dealer? Let’s play the fugue. Yes!
(Anjali whimpers) Why not?
(cards shuffling) Cards back, clear those for me, if you don’t mind.
Mr. Fogg! Mr. Fogg.
(Travis cackles) Aloysius Fogg. You know what, I’m either, if I don’t, I’m gonna end up with an injury anyway, so might as well do something about it. Two.
That’s a rough start. No no.
Not necessarily. Three of diamonds. Queen of diamonds. Eight.
Ew. Eight.
Okay okay okay! You wanted the two points for the healing? It’s three for healing. Oh, it’s three for healing. So, you have your grit point if you want to redraw one of those cards. Healing card’s over there, I think. All right, let’s… He has the healing card. Let’s take away the two. You wanna take away the two? Let’s take away the two. Oh come on, come on, Aloysius. (tense, dramatic string music) (cards shuffling) (groans of disappointment) All right, you still have a wound but that’s okay. And I also have a consequence, I do believe. You do. Worthy endeavor, worth a try. Ah, damn. Can’t win if you don’t play. That’s right. Fogg, because you’re… because your hand was not sufficient… (dice clatter) My favorite part.
I know. Make a Smarts roll for me. Smarts roll. Okay.
All right. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) I got a four.
Okay. (dice clatter) Okay. So for the next six days, you will start to feel your mind changes happening in your mind. You’ll start to forget things that you once knew and memories that were once extremely clear become foggy. No pun intended. The faces of loved ones you can remember, but memories and a lot of the emotional attachments to them no longer connect to your brain for the next six days. Please tell me he remembers the three women! (laughing) They count as loved ones. You remember their faces. You remember their faces. Oh, brother.
That’s okay. He just has to repeat.
For six days. Let’s get… Wow, you have no emotional empathy for six days. No, apparently not.
Fuck! We should get him back as fast as we can to at least try to get to inside the Doc’s office and treat whatever we can. Let’s make our way back to the horses, then. Back to the horses, back to camp? (hums of agreement) Okay, you guys get on the horses. You guys have made your way back to town. As you crest the hill, it’s now the middle of the night. As you crest the hill, down past the graveyard and get close enough to where you can see town, you can see once again all the lanterns in the center of town are lit. The whole thoroughfare is illuminated. As you ride in, in front of the Reverend’s church, you see four women positioned in four different places of the town. Miriam, you recognize these women. Uh-huh… From the Bella Union Saloon.
Yes! Yas, queen. As you crest the corner, leaning up against Doc Cochran’s offices, Joanie, wearing a robe, she looks better than she did the last few times you saw her. She says, You’ve been gone a little while. Had to keep the town safe, so I brought out the whore-ssassins. (stifled giggling) We’ll be keeping watch. Do you want to say anything to her? Well played! (Marisha laughs) Celine kind of gives you a wink and as you guys walk toward the front of the church, you see Al Swearengen standing on the balcony of the Gem Saloon holding his coffee cup. And he looks down and he says, Welcome back! Some of you a bit worse for wear than others. I suppose, you’d like to tell me what happened and collect your payment. Yeah, I think that sounds right, right about what we want, yeah. He says, Dan, bring them the fuck up! Door to the Gem bursts open and Dan comes out. As we’re walking up, Reverend? That’s some mighty fancy work you did on that horse back there. Ah. Thank you. Just just felt right? Just a natural on a horse these days, huh? No. I am quite the experienced horseman, actually. I served for a bit in the Ohio Cavalry division over in Fort Collins, Colorado before I made my way up here. There was an onslaught that attacked our fort. Some terrible sounds in the night and bunch of my fellow soldiers came back bleeding, dying, everything in between. And I ran. Grabbed a horse and rode into the dark of the night as fast as I could. I felt ashamed about that. Tremendous amount of grief. I tried to start over. Found a preacher in Rapid City, South Dakota. Talked about rebirth, starting anew. Glad it came in handy. (Fogg grunts in acknowledgement) Cavalry or no, you still needed someone to look after you. I did, and I thank you for that. (Miriam hums her assent) Make a pretty good team. Not bad. What about you, Mr. Sharpe? Are you gonna be on your way? I got a meeting with Al Swearengen, I believe, with the rest of you folk. We’ll take it step after that. Come on.
All right. Clayton. Earlier, you had a roll of eight upon grabbing those posters from Farnum’s office. Mmhmm. The Bartender will now tell you what you saw. Ooh, you’re gonna go see the Bartender! Holy shit! ♪ Bartender ♪ Bartender wants to see you. Wants to see you at the Bartender, ooh! Hello, Mr. Clayton. Hey, Barkeep. So before I tell you something, would you like a drink? I would, actually. Whiskey or beer? Whiskey for me, please, it’s been a whiskey kind of day. All right. Sir, in those flyers you found you saw a wanted poster for a certain Clayton “The Coffin” Sharpe. As well as a man who looks suspiciously like the Reverend for both murder and desertion. Two flyers, two members of your party, all laid up with wanted symbols on them. Enjoy your drink! Thank you kindly. (glass slams down)
(taps on bar) As you make your way into the Gem Saloon, Dan Dority, kind of smiling at you, he’s holding a shotgun. Everybody that’s in town still is on guard. Everyone’s, you know, pretty shook up from what happened. But Dan’s got this smile on his face. As he’s looking at you, he says, Go on upstairs. As you pass the bar, you see about 20 bottles of whiskey and five shot glasses on the bar. Do you want to do anything before you get upstairs, anyone? I’ll take a shot of whiskey, that’d be fine. If the Reverend’s gonna take one, I think we all might. Okay, so Dan pours you five shots of whiskey. Al comes out and he says, There’s more up here waiting for you. Hold mine, I gotta go take a piss real fast. Okay, you’re gonna go take a piss? I’m gonna go outside and find a little corner on the side of the Gem and take the papers out, kind of push them into the ground a bit, light a match and just ignite the whole batch. Ignite the whole batch of the posters that you found in
Yeah. EB Farnum’s office?
Yeah. Okay, that was about 20-25 pieces of paper, so yeah, you could easily burn all that up. Then you wanna go back inside? Mmhmm. Come back and, Appreciate your patience. (sighs deeply) To another day of living. L-I-V-I-N. As you get up to Al’s office, he’s sitting behind his desk. He looks at all of you. Well? Who was it? Just as we thought. That slithery fuck Doc Cochran. The fucking, grave-digging Doc. I had my suspicions, but… I would have thought Tolliver, but he’s too much of a recluse these days. Well… To say it was just Doc Cochran is a bit of an understatement. Tell me what you mean? Have you had a drink yet? Oh, I always drink. Well, you’re gonna need another one, ’cause you’re not gonna believe this shit. (laughing)
He pulls the bottle of whiskey out from his desk and pops the cork out of it and slides the shot glass next to the side and takes a sip from the bottle. Three snake heads, two arms, one tail. Burned to death by nitro. And emerged from the body of Doc Cochran. From the mouth of Doc Cochran. Oh yeah.
More accurately. To a height of at least 15, 20 feet. At least.
We’re talking Biblical, Grecian god type terrible whatever the fuck it was. Oh, I’m familiar with the human equivalent. Had some sort of amulet around his neck. I don’t know if that had any affiliation. Burst into flames, writhed and turned into ash and then rose from the ashes as what, seven or eight different– Maybe 12, 14? Serpent creatures that we had to fight off. I’m telling you right now, if I didn’t, I would have thought I was crazy if I didn’t have four other people having to fight them off with me. Where was this? The original claim. The original claim that I sent you to?! Yeah.
Yes. Well, it appears George Hearst’s men pissed off someone else besides me for digging in the ground. Let me tell you, sir, here’s the interesting part. Doc Cochran, self-professed, a servant of something. He said that? Him and many of the creatures, they seemed to apparate from within and around, but while we managed to deal with that one issue, whatever it was that Cochran was the servant of is still out there and from what we can gather, seems to be a bit prickly about the greed this town draws. Which means, as long as this town’s around, so is whatever this thing is that Cochran was working for. These creatures, you talked about, did they turn my sign into a brilliant fucking light yesterday? (clears throat) Yes, they did. All sorts of unexplainable shit was happening while they were roaming about. The Reverend fancies himself a liar! Sheriff Bullock told me what you’re capable of. Well, shit. (laughing) I hope he told you, unless extremely necessary, keep that shit to yourself. He did, so it’s a little disconcerting that he immediately came and told you. (laughing) But to each their own, I guess. To be fair, it was only a matter of time until Mr. Swearengen found out. That’s kind of his business, is finding out everything in this town. A building can’t be held up by only one pillar. This town has two. He looks at you and he says, All my life, people tossed me around, used me to fill their fucking pockets. Wasn’t until I started thieving and cutting throats came here and made this fucking place what it is that I found my true purpose. I been a thief, a whoremonger, and a throat-cutter ever fucking since. You folks found yourself in a situation against forces greater than anyone has ever seen. An evil greater than surely this town has seen. Surely greater than the evil that sits across the table from me now. (as Brian) And he kind of smiles at you. (as Al) You understand me not getting involved. I had to see to my own interests and contemplate how to best protect the camp. If the king dies, the kingdom falls. I chose you because this town had yet to piss in your ear and poison you. And, observing your behaviors and hearing of your reputation, Mr. Fogg, I knew if we stood a chance, you’d find a fucking way. You’re free to go. Dan has bottomless drinks and your payment downstairs should you choose to decompress in an environment less hostile than where you found yourselves hours previous. I included a little extra for your troubles or for your travels should the weird goings-on in our town be too much for your delicate sensibilities. This place can make you rich. It can make you a fucking legend. But do not allow yourselves for a moment to be mistaken. Greed ain’t cheap. Oh, and welcome to fucking Undeadwood. (laughing) Johnny opens the door for all of you to walk out downstairs and Al looks at you, Fogg, and says, Oh, Mr. Fogg, stay back a minute if you don’t mind. (as Brian) You guys want to go downstairs and get your payment, deal with Dan? (murmurs of assent) I look at Mr. Fogg, look at Aly and I say… I’ll be along. See you downstairs? Absolutely. You guys go downstairs? Mmhmm. I’ll stay to the back with them and actually sit by the door and try and listen in. Okay. You wanna sit down in front of Al? Yeah. He grabs two shot glasses from the side, takes the bottle, pours two shots, slides them both towards you and says, You’re gonna wanna drink those. Tell me what you have to say first. Reaches in a drawer of his desk, ruffles through some papers til he gets to the bottom. Takes out a folded piece of paper and says, This came across my desk from a friend in another territory. Told me if I ever came across the infamous Aloysius Fogg, he might be interested in this. Forgive me withholding it until you’d seen to my interests. If we all died in the past few days’ events, the matter would have been resolved by itself. All I ask is that should you discover yourself in need of resolution of this matter, that you conduct your business outside my fucking joint. But in the aftermath, you’re welcome to drink and fuck here as much as you’d like. The Bartender has the note that Al slid across the desk to you, if you’d like to go get it. (Fogg clears his throat) Barkeep?
Aloysius. I hope all’s well. (paper sliding on wood) (Fogg clears his throat) (paper rustling) (paper rustling) (Fogg clears his throat) Mr. Fogg. After examining the paper that Swearengen gave you, you have two shots in front of you. What would you like to do? I push them back towards him. He takes both of them, he looks you in the eye. He winks, he shoots one. He winks, he shoots again. He puts his glasses on, continues to his work. (Fogg clears his throat) I head downstairs to the…
Okay. To the bar. When you get down to the bar, you see that laid out on the table for each of you is a thousand dollars in gold. Al honored his promise and then some. For taking care of this. (pencils scratching)
(deep breathing) What would you like to do? As we see Aly come down the stairs, I’m looking at him to try to get to some sense of is he… Is he disturbed, is he all right, anything that I can sense in him without even asking. Go ahead and make a Notice check for me. (dice rattle then clatter) Mmm-mm, failed.
‘Kay. Well. (Arabella clears her throat) Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure. I unholster my revolver and aim it at at Clayton’s head. Uh…
Aly, no. Excuse me? Dan interrupts and says, Thought Al told you to take your business outside. Well, that’s exactly what we’re about to do. Amos Kinsley, let’s take it outside. (tense, quiet music) If you’d be as so kind, you’d allow me the pleasure of at least another drink. Take the bottle and fill a double. May I? Slowly. (Sharpe grunts) Where you coming from? Doesn’t matter where we’re coming from, matters where we’re going. After you. Gentlemen, surely, there must be a more peaceful resolution to whatever this is. Reverend, I appreciate everything you’ve done for me and everything you’ve had to say. But I’m afraid this got nothing to do with you. Aloysius, please, after all we’ve been through together, there’s got to be something. You do this to uphold the law, right? That’s, I assume, what you’re coming after? Or you here for money? Money’s not what I need right now. What do you need? You know if it wasn’t for maybe two, three hours ago, things might have been different. But my emotions seem to have left me and any feeling I might have had for you. All that’s left is the law. (exhales deeply in understanding) What if I told you the law’s been wrong all this time? What if I told you the law ain’t a perfect thing, especially this side of the country? What if I told you many innocent men themselves end up still having to do for the deeds of those who are cunning enough to be absolved of the noose? (tense quiet music) Well, I hope for your sake you’re right. And I’d ask the Reverend to pray for your soul. But beyond that, I got a job to do. (Sharpe exhales sharply) Well, Reverend. I suppose you’re gonna tell Mr. Fogg here that I hope his soul can carry the weight of another unearned victory. (hands hit the table) Stand up and start walking to the door. Stop, stop, both of you, stop! There’s been so much senseless killing. There’ve been so many people lost. Why on earth do two men have to turn after each turn against each other when you have fought forces way greater than the forces of men? Why on earth, what kind of justice is this? Please! Each one of us has lost someone, each one of us has lost someone along the way. I had to kill my own husband as he was dying. She had to kill her sister who had died one more time. Please, please, Aly, please. (Miriam sniffles) Goodnight, Miss Miriam. (Brian exhales deeply) (Arabella breathes out in shock) I’m still standing in the doorway kind of looking back at the rest of you. It’s funny, I figured in all places, this would be the one they wouldn’t find me. Well… Even a lawless town it seems is not immune to the corruption of the law. (Sharpe exhales) Mr. Fogg, I’m giving you one last chance to not make the mistake that many other men have. You’re on the wrong side of this. I’m telling you. I understand what you’re saying. This gives me no pleasure. But you gave me no choice. No pleasure for me either. You seem a decent man. I hate to kill you. (shocked, stifled laughter) Go ahead. Can I make a Stealth check to sneak up behind Aloysius and hit him with a bottle of whiskey over the head? (Miriam sniffles) (chair creaks) No, you may not. You seem a decent man. I hate to be killed by. Are we having a duel? I think we’re having a duel
It seems so. Ooh! (laughing)
Oh my god. (laughing) Fuck this game! (sultry, twangy guitar music) So. Mr. Aloysius Fogg and the man that you know as Clayton “The Coffin” Sharpe are facing off in the thoroughfare in the city of Deadwood. The way this face off is gonna go, you each are gonna get two pocket cards. Pass that to Fogg, if you will. I’m going to deal a flop. I’m going to deal a turn. I’m going to deal a river. If when those cards are laid out, you find a match, you find a set, in whatever order they go, whoever feels like they have the strong enough hand, says “Shoot.” Whoever yells “shoot” first, shoots first. I’ll tell you more after we deal. It’s time to see the cards you’re dealt. (cards being pulled from the deck) Five of spades. A joker. A three of hearts. A king of clubs. A jack of clubs. So. Since both of you are going for accuracy instead of speed, I want you both to roll shooting at the same time and tell me your results. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) Miss. Five. Got a one and a three. Clayton. Show me your cards. (cards rustling) Ace high. With the joker… No no, you got a pair of aces. You’ve got a pair of aces
Pair of aces. If you want. I now want you to roll damage for your weapon and I want you to add an additional d6. Okay. (dice clatter) Ooh. 10. You go to fire and you miss, shoots right past him. Clayton fires you, hits you in the chest just to the left of your heart. Fogg, you now have two wounds. Do either of you wish to fire again? I do. (deep breathing) Roll for me, please. I’m gonna aim for his shooting hand, if I can. Okay. (dice rattle then clatter) Five.
That hits. Let me see your cards, please. Four. I got nothing up here. (sighs of frustration) Okay. Well, no no, it’s a pair of kings. Pair of kings. (Arabella hums with understanding) I want you to roll damage and I want you to add 1d6. (Fogg clears his throat) Called shot to the hand. Called shot to the hand. The gun hand.
Yeah, misses. (Fogg hums in acknowledgement) (Travis exhales sharply) Two (dice clatter), four (dice clatter), 12. (Marisha exhales sharply) As the man you all know as Clayton Sharpe aims exactly for the shooting hand of Mr. Fogg and misses, Mr. Fogg quickly fires back at him, hitting you straight in the gut. You’ve taken two wounds. (Sharpe exhales with worry) Do you wish to fire again? Yeah. (tense laughing) I want you both to roll at the exact same time.
This is is, this is it! (leather hitting the table) I’m aiming for the shooting hand again. You’re aiming for the shooting hand again, you’re gonna do the negative modifier. Disarming.
In nomine Patris, et Filii et Spiritus sancti. (dice clatter) Six. Miss. (groans) Fogg. Clayton. As you aim for his shooting hand again, he quickly moves it out of the way, cocks the hammer back to fire again. Go ahead and roll damage for me, Fogg. (dice rattle) (dice clatter) (Arabella groans under her breath) That one explodes. Six explodes. One. And that’s it. 11. (tense, twangy guitar) Amos. As Mr. Fogg cocks back the hammer and lifts it towards you, you see in his eyes not hatred not revenge not malice or anger but justice, in his mind. And he shoots you straight to the heart. You fall to the ground. What are Amos Kinsley’s last words? (Marisha exhales in disbelief) No words, just an ironic smile. I just grip Miriam’s hand so tight my fingernails start to dig into her palms. Cross myself.
And I just keep saying no no no no no no no no no. You guys have seen this, you see Clayton’s body now lifeless in the street. Mr. Fogg, what do you do? I pull myself up. I walk toward the man that I feel nothing but respect for. I close his eyes. I slowly make my way to the second floor of of the Gem Saloon. I put down my irons. I close my eyes and for the first time in I can’t remember when, I sleep through the night. The rest of you, what would you like to do? I stagger over to his body and I just weep. And I say, this isn’t the law, this ain’t right. I don’t know what he did, but this ain’t right. And I will never forgive that man for what he did. Anymore than I will forgive whatever the Lord is in the world or the God or the creature that took my husband from me. Maybe it was no friends and not new friends, after all. I just stay by Miriam’s side. Okay.
I’ll uh… Walk out into the street, put my hands on both of their shoulders, look down at Mr. Sharpe, or whoever he was. I’ll say, Lord? We don’t understand your ways, but we thank you for who Mr. Sharpe was to us today. He fought on your side, the side of the light. And we ask that you would forgive Mr. Fogg for his trespasses. May he find his way to your tranquility, peace and respite. Amen. Amen. In the stack of wanted and bounty posters. Mmhmm. Clayton Sharpe saw one of himself. And burned all the posters that he found in Mr. Farnum’s office. You, sir, were sent looking for someone. You only had a brief description. Someone sent Mr. Swearengen a wanted poster for the murder of Patrick Harvey’s brother. On that wanted poster was a picture of the man you all know as Clayton Sharpe. But his name was Amos Kinsley. And he was on the run for a crime he didn’t commit 15 years ago. He was involved with the wrong crowd, he was accused of murdering innocent people, and he fled. Since then, he adopted many identities. Clayton “The Coffin” Sharpe being the most recent and the thickest of his aliases. In personality and in name. He’s done a lot of bad things since he went on the run but not the things that he was accused of and not the things he was wanted for. But justice is justice. You have a job to do. And you did it. And by all accounts and by all means and by every measure of the law in every territory that has one, you got your bounty. You can collect it in Jack County, should you choose to. We began this journey with a prayer. And we will end this journey with a prayer (laughs). That’s where we will end this journey into Undeadwood. (breathes deeply) (Matt laughs) Oh shit (laughing) (laughing) No. Good game, good game! That was awesome.
I’m sorry, yeah. Oh, Khary! That was amazing! What a game. (laughing) Thank you for joining me. Thank you for playing. Thank you all for watching. I want to quickly thank our crew and my wonderful cast, thank you for doing this, thank you for —
Yeah! doing this journey with me. (clapping)
(cheering) I want to–
(clapping) Some powerful shit! Yeah, so good!
Goddamn. I want to shout out a few people. I want to shout out a few people very quickly. My creative partner in this endeavor, who I absolutely could not have done this without, and our wonderful Bartender, Mr. Ivan van Norman. Ivan!
(clapping and cheering) Barkeep! I would like to thank our amazing friends at Dog Might for custom making this GM screen with the actual Black Hills of South Dakota. Amazing.
Insane. I like to thank Wyrmwood for giving us the wonderful dice trays for you all to roll in. I want to thank our wonderful friend Ian Phillips at Iron Tusk Mini Painting. Find him online. After our wonderful PA Jerry put all these houses together, Jerry! Ian painted them, painted most of our minis. I want to thank Jay at Emerald Knights for last minute painting my wonderful whore-ssassins. (laughing) Our local haunt there at Emerald Knights. Flip This Bitch for this absolutely incredible set and this coffin-shaped poker table that I will be putting in the back of my Mini Cooper and taking home with me after this. (laughing) I want to thank Pinnacle for making such an amazing world and game, Savage Worlds, Deadlands. I’m sorry I fucked it up really bad with some of the stuff but most of it was my dice! It’s fun to play! Thank you to everyone, thank you for watching, thank you for going on the journey with us these past few weeks. (Khary grunts in agreement) Maybe we’ll see you again. Mmhmm. Welcome to fucking Undeadwood. (laughing) (clapping) Yeah, dude, yeah! So fucking powerful! (solemn violin music) Like, I felt like it was drained out of me. And it was like no matter what you yelled at me, it didn’t matter. Oh yeah.
No matter what I thought [Khary] of you, it didn’t matter. Narratively perfect. And I’m not gonna lie, You played that so fucking well. There are few things more Deadwood than riding off the cusp of a successful venture into the harsh reality (snapping) and ending on such a tragic note. That is fucking Deadwood! I mean, to me, that is that is a Western, that is a Western! You can’t write this shit! His hindrance is that he has bad dreams, he doesn’t sleep. And when they took away all of the emotions–
Take away your emotions! He could sleep. He could sleep. Oh, it’s the best, I saw that.
(Marisha yelling) It was like the worst night of his life and he… And he slept!
Sleeps. That’s so fucking poetic. I love it, I love it.
It’s perfect. And what’s also fucked up is in six days– Five days, yeah, six days, what’s gonna happen to him in six days? Yes, in six days… (ominous thrumming) (ominous music)

100 thoughts on “UnDeadwood Part IV: Goodnight, Miss Miriam

  1. HEY, there might be some SPOILERS under the thing

    1:00 Episode Starts

    3:20 Recap Ends

    4:05 Brian making excuses for his bad rolls

    8:40 Arabella has a premonition

    11:30 Messing with dynamite

    14:50 Discussing demolitions

    15:55 For my money, Reverend is the driest

    17:30 Miriam’s mysterious preparations

    18:30 Clayton returns the body

    21:50 A second funeral

    23:45 Dead heads

    25:35 Brian wouldn’t do the same thing again, right?

    26:25 Arabella and Miriam

    28:30 Nitro stability

    30:50 Clayton questions faith

    32:55 No stampede

    34:25 Horse stealth

    37:00 Cards are dealt

    43:45 Clayton doesn’t get the cards

    47:20 HDYWTTTAH

    51:15 Miriam the sharpshooter

    54:20 Arabella blows the pit

    58:15 Decochran

    1:02:05 Boss moves into its second stage

    1:04:10 Reverend and Miriam have their own language

    1:06:45 Shooting Squidward

    1:09:35 Minis do 1d4 damage

    1:14:05 Arabella brings the light

    1:15:10 A straight flush

    1:18:20 Laura has rubbed off on Brian

    1:20:25 Matt gets the luck he deserves

    1:21:25 HTFDYWTDT

    1:24:00 Old West ASMR

    1:25:05 Reverend plays for health

    1:26:40 Reverend is a bad influence

    1:29:50 Fogg can never forget

    1:31:30 Whorssassins is the next Deadwood campaign

    1:32:25 Reverend’s backstory comes out

    1:34:50 Clayton gets sent to the bartender

    1:37:45 Debriefing with Mr.Swearingen

    1:40:55 Sheriff Bullock is a snitch

    1:44:25 Fogg and Mr. Swearingen

    1:49:05 Fogg and Clayton settle business

    1:51:20 Travis realizes he pushed Fogg to gamble

    1:53:30 Goodnight, Miss Miriam

    1:55:30 It’s time to D-D-D-D-DUEL

    1:58:05 Draw

    2:01:30 Final shot

    2:03:25 Amos says goodnight

    2:04:35 Aloysius says goodnight

    2:06:55 A prayer for forgiveness

    2:08:10 Clayton’s backstory

    2:10:15 The journey is over

    2:11:15 Shout outs

    2:13:00 Episode Ends

    The in-game start date for the episode was the 1870’s in South Dakota.

    Any moments I missed? Feel free to post them here. Is it Thursday yet?

  2. Spoiler/Theory

    I'm curious: Sharpe burned all the wanted posters, did that potentially save the Reverend from Fogg? Man was sent after Amos Kingsley, but a bounty is a bounty: especially with Foggs emotions out of commission..

  3. Like an absolute idiot I ran face first into giant spoilers for this episode and I gotta say watching this knowing what's going to happen is super interesting. (Also: OUCH MY HEART)

  4. Holy shit that was amazing this is why day by day I feel myself getting closers to wanting to be apart of this world to be a player to live and to loss to fight please do more undeadwood sorry you do what ever the fuck you guys want to and I'll be watching thank you so much I'm moved I really am

  5. What piece of music was used for the end credits? It's not on the soundtrack for UnDeadwood that was released by James Charles Miller today

  6. I need to find that violin song when at te end when the bounty's cleared up. It'll never NOT hurt me, but I need that song

  7. I felt so busted when Anjali asked Travis if he wanted more asmr… because her voice was giving me serious asmr every episode!

  8. Wil Wheaton must’ve cursed Mercer so that if he isn’t a dm, he can’t do anything effective in battle. It’s a highly specific curse but he has it nonetheless.

  9. Okay i have to say some things, actually i NEED to say some things. First of all a deep deep Well Played and Great Job to every single member behind the scenes, every single camera shot was fantastic the sound was amazing and in general the entire set and production was priceless! Second to that is the pleasant surprise of Brian's GMing, Brian you did an incredibly awesome job, i would love to see you GM again! The characters were so so so well played by each and everyone of the cast and because of that we got an unexpected but beautiful ending to this story. Thank you so much for creating UnDeadwood and i can't wait to see what Critical Role has yet to show us !!! Much love from Greece, keep being the uniquely awesome and extraordinary people you are…!!!!

  10. You guys might not read this ever but wow. This was just A+ role play. Thank you for just committing and letting the characters come to life. What a show. What a game! Well done everyone!

  11. Do not miss the snippet tucked in right at the end @ 2:16:15!
    Captures pretty much everything you want in response to an ending like that.

  12. I get that he did what he did because of that spell's effect but i still think that this ending is incredibly lame, especially since the others didn't/were not allowed to intervene at all.

    I also think that this last episode was a little rushed what with how they just found and threw down with the big bad in one fell swoop, and with how we got 3 character's backstories flung at us with the Reverend's after a casual remark and Clayton's post-mortem.
    Don't get me wrong, i love this series and think that it's pretty good and fun, but this last part just didn't rub me the right way.
    All that aside there's still some loose ends with a part of the snake monster getting away, the characters still having these powers plus whatever the identity/endgame of this dealer entity is, so i wonder if there will be an UnDeadwood 2 at some point..

  13. holy. this was amazing! everyone here please flood pinnacle entertainment group who produces the savage worlds rpg system to sponser a second campaign! let either shane hensley or jodi black know what a wonderful job critical role did with their savage worlds system. go to: pinnacle entertainment group, hover over About, Click Company, and there you can send the emails to the CEO or President. i personally would love to see Undeadwood: Lost Colony. LETS DO THIS CRITTERS!

  14. 1:14:48 I have a sneaking suspicion Brian Foster stacked the deck to gain a favorable outcome. He took way to long fiddling with the cards, has Marisha draw one, and then a joker comes out? What are the chances? Then look at the expression on his face: he's gloating silently. Also, it's what a good game master would do. You want your players to win when it counts.

  15. 2:17:01 So it's been 6 days y'all… In the Deadwood setting and in ours. Do I smell an encore? An epilogue of sorts? 🙂 Love you all! haha

  16. @ 16:10… five sets of four sticks of dynamite please…

    The Reverend: "That's fifty sticks of dynamite."

    nope. not even close… made me laugh though.

  17. Love they ended it with a old west duel. Moment i heard 2 were on the wanted posters knew someone in the group was bound to be a bounty hunter. And for those who are salty about it, really have no one to blame, but travis, if not for him pushing the heal yourself that failed anyway, would of been different. But I enjoyed the way it ended was the last piece needed for a good old wild west ending.

  18. This has been such an amazing campaign!! From the acting and writing to the detail work in the decorations, the small town, the outfits and the creaking of the chairs. This was such a pleasure to watch, and I'm so happy the team decided to take another week of putting this final episode together — for your sake and for ours! UGH IT'S JUST SO PRETTY!!!


  20. I was with this right up until the "no you can't stealth up". Personal preference, but the attempt should've been allowed. It's the player's game, not the guy running from behind the stream.

  21. …aaand THERE it is! Doc Cochran cockring 'joke'. At long last, I've been waiting three and a half episodes for that. Thank you, Marisha, ya doity goil! MUCH LURVE Y'ALL! This mini-series was a nice deviation from the sometimes overtly cutesy Mighty Nein-stuff. Also kudos for that Call of Cthulhu-thing, more of that shite, please! And it was real nice seeing Mr. Mercer on the other side of the divider.
    Post Scriptum; That was one beautiful focken' ending.

  22. I saw the name of this last week and decided to put it off watching it as Miriam is my favourite character…..so not the way I was expecting that to go! God they’d better do another adventure soon. I loved it!

  23. Damn Brian, I’m a 13 yr veteran Marine that’s seen enough to turn a horny toad inside out and couldn’t stop the tears from welling up and spilling down my cheeks as Amos died. I grew up on D&D since I was 12yrs old in 1987 and constantly find new reasons why I love this game… you, my good Sir, just gave the best reason yet; to be part of an adventure where the success and loss feel as real as my service to this country! I thank you all for amazing talents and interests in creating this incredible story. I hope there are many more to come for… the sun sets on The West. “Outstanding performance”

  24. I like to interpret the GARBAGE poker hands at the end representing both sides complete lack of desire in the duel. Just going through the motions, almost unconcerned towards the outcome. Resigned, and willing to accept Fate's judgment.

  25. between this and Luxastra, this is a great time to be into RPGs (btw Luxastra is an italian campaign with other voice actors and "web people" with a written story and some production value, nowhere near this series thou. It's really cool if you can speak Italian, those people are really good and the comedy is on point)

  26. … Well I didn't see that end coming, Jesus Christ! Absolutely incredible, but man, I think I stopped breathing for a while. Never going to get over that.

  27. I just sat down to watch though all this…and all I can say is….THAT WAS AMAZING! Thank you all so much for the time and effort you put into this content. Why would anyone need cable or satellite when you produce content like this!

  28. I'm glad they allowed Brian out of his cage to sit in the GM Chair. This was a pleasure to watch, I hope they make another season. I'd gladly watch more of it! 🥰
    Love to all 💖 🙂

  29. Wow – Stumbled across this through random YouTube surfing – this was very impressive – Amazing – Better than watching a movie – I can't rate this highly enough

  30. That was cold as fuck I love it so intense.
    Great fucking ending

    Narrative having fog being emotionally damaged being one of the main drives for his decision made so much sense.

    I actually think mat being the one to die was the best decision as a DM he understands narrative deaths more then anyone else

  31. Just starting to get into deadlands, so maybe someone else with more experience can comment on this. Death in this game doesn't necessarily mean dead. Don't they have the harrowed? Characters that have been killed, and then come back?

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