The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k – Summary and Application [Part 1/2]

The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k – Summary and Application [Part 1/2]

It’s time to switch things up a little bit;
as the main mission of this channel is to empower fellow students, help you become a
more well-rounded and ultimately better version of yourself, I’m working on expanding the
breadth of Med School Insiders content. I will still be making regular videos on study
and productivity hacks but will also incorporate occasional book summaries such as this one. As you are all aware by now, I’m a huge fan
of reading and the lessons you can learn. I know that not everyone is able to get through
as many books as they would like, myself included, so In this video, I’m going talk about one
of my favorite books from 2016 and a few lessons that I learned from it. What’s going on guys! This is Jay from In this video, we’re gonna go over Mark Manson’s
The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck While I would classify this as a self help book,
Mark Manson is a very atypical self help author. He acknowledges the toxic aspects of the self
help craze; how constantly seeking improvement in your life can actually focus on what you
lack and what is wrong with you, which ultimately leads to an unhappy and unfulfilling existence
where happiness is always just out of reach. Although the title seems to imply you should
not care about anything, the underlying message of the book is actually this: Everyone cares
about certain things – choose wisely what those things are. First, EMBRACE THE UNCOMFORTABLE He explains
it best when he says; The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s
negative experience is itself a positive experience. The more you pursue feeling better all the
time, the less satisfied you become, as pursuing something only reinforces the fact that you
lack it in the first place. On the other hand, pursuing the negative often
generates positive. For example, the pain in the gym improves
your health and energy. Failures in school or work give you a better
understanding of your own shortcomings and how to improve in the future. Being open with your insecurities makes you
more confident. Overcoming challenges and fears is what allows
you to build courage and character. “Everything worthwhile in life is won through
surmounting the associated negative experience.” If you constantly run from the uncomfortable,
you will feel constantly entitled to being happy at all times, therefore any challenge
coming your way is seen as an injustice, any disagreement becomes a betrayal. We must all be comfortable with the idea that
some suffering is always inevitable. No matter what you do, you will face challenges,
failures, loss, regrets, and ultimately death. THE PROBLEM WITH HAPPINESS Many of us are
guilty of delayed gratification, particularly those of us pursuing the medical profession. We say when I finish training I can be happy,
or when I’m an attending I’ll know I’ve made it. Or we can have superficial aspirations. If I can look like person X or be with person
Y, then I will be happy. This entire approach is the problem, however. Happiness is not an ultimate end goal or solvable
equation. Instead, it is an emotion, and emotions have
evolved to be directions to our life compass. Positive emotions are positive feedback for
good behaviors, and negative emotions serve as a call to action – It’s evolution telling
you that something is not right. The struggles that you overcome are equally
important to creating and sustaining happiness. Manson argues that problems never stop; they
merely get exchanged and/or upgraded. Happiness comes from solving these problems. In fact, it’s a huge problem that many of
us, at least in American culture, that we should suppress our negative emotions for
social and cultural reasons. But to deny one’s negative emotions is to
deny many feedback mechanisms that help a person solve their own problems. I love Mark Manson’s breakdown of life goals. It’s a common question to ask someone “what
do you want out of life?” And everyone is going to have a fairly similar
answer. Happiness, family, great job, etc. But instead ask yourself “what pain do I
want in my life? What am I willing to struggle for?” This is the question that will give you better
insight on how to live your life. What pain are you willing to sustain? For example, many premeds early in their college
career dream of the many advantages of being a physician. But not everyone is willing to put in the
long days and nights studying, the 4 additional years of medical school, the 80+ hour work
weeks in residency, etc. That’s a big reason why majority of premeds
on the first day of college are no longer premed at graduation time. Asking yourself what are you willing to struggle
for will lead you down a path that is more worthwhile for you. Manson also applies this logic to relationships:
“Most people want to have great sex life and an awesome relationship, but not everyone
is willing to go through the tough conversations, the awkward silences, the hurt feelings, and
the emotional psychodrama to get there. And so instead they settle.” People want a romantic partner, but you don’t
find someone you believe is amazing without first appreciating the emotional rollercoaster
that is dating, rejections, and failed attempts. People want an amazing body, but you only
get there if you are able to endure and appreciate the pain and challenges associated with regular
exercise and meticulous tracking of your caloric intake. You’re defined by what you’re willing
to struggle for. Those who enjoy the struggles of the gym are
the same people who are strong and athletic. Going back to the toxic nature of the self
help culture, the truth is that we are not all exceptional. Feeling good about yourself for no reason
will actually do more harm than good. Facing challenges and obstacles head on is
a useful and necessary component in development. You guys know how much I appreciate a good
challenge from the My Story video. If challenges and suffering are inevitable,
we shouldn’t ask ourselves “how do I stop suffering?” Rather, “why am I suffering – for what
purpose?” The beautiful thing is that while problems
can often not be changed, we have complete control over how we choose to think about
them. Problems add meaning and importance to our
lives. So embrace them. Beasting the MCAT and getting into medical
school makes us happier than watching Netflix. Raising a child makes us happier than eating
McDonalds. Each of these activities is stressful and
at times unpleasant. They also require enduring through problem
after problem, yet they add value, meaning, and can create joyous moments in our lives. As Freud said, “One day, in retrospect,
the years of struggle will strike you as the most beautiful” We can only be successful
at something we’re willing to fail at. If you are unwilling to fail, then you’re
unwilling to succeed. If someone is better than you at something,
it’s likely because she has failed at it more than you have. If someone is worse than you, they likely
haven’t been through all the learning experiences yet. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF. While some may argue that you measure self-esteem
by how positively you feel about yourself, Manson argues that the more accurate way is
to see how someone feels about the negative aspects of themselves. Someone who actually has high self esteem
can honestly assess their negative qualities and subsequently act to address them. Entitled people, on the other hand, are unable
to be honest with their problems and therefore are unable to improve their lives in a lasting
and meaningful way. They live in denial. This entitlement usually manifests in one
of two ways: 1) I’m great and you all suck, therefore I deserve special treatment. Or 2) I suck and the rest of you are all incredible,
therefore I deserve special treatment. The former is referring to those who are extremely
arrogant and consider themselves superior, and the latter is referring to those who constantly
pay the victim card. CHOOSE YOUR VALUES CAREFULLY Our values are
what determine the metrics by which we measure ourselves and everyone else. Resist human nature in wanting to compare
yourself to others. Instead, figure out by what standard do you
measure yourself by? The best way to reframe how you see your problems
is to change what you value and how you measure failure and success. Here are some examples of good and bad values. –Good values: honesty, innovation, vulnerability,
self-respect, curiosity, charity, humility, creativity –Bad values on the other hand
would include things like dominance through manipulation, feeling good all the time, always
being the center of attention, not being alone, being liked by everybody, being a gunner (for
those of you who don’t know, gunner is a term used in medical school to describe someone
who is overly competitive and brigs others down in order to get ahead) Figuring out your
values comes down to priorities. What are the values that you prioritize above
everything else and therefore influence your decision making more than anything else? Better values lead to better problems which
leads to a better life. Alright guys, that is it for part one, head
over to part 2 for the rest of this video.

100 thoughts on “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F**k – Summary and Application [Part 1/2]

  1. holy shit! i just learned about that term "gunner" and i totally know one who fits that….. and she is a neurosurgeon. haha.

  2. Nice narration. We all need books like this which show us the TRUE way of achieving happiness.
    Thanks a million!

  3. This is a good kind of switch! Amazing video! You must have put a lot of effort with the graphics and, editing, and voice-over too! Great job! 🙂 Sorry for all the exclamation points. Haha! 😛

  4. This is a good kind of switch! Amazing video! You must have put a lot of effort with the graphics and, editing, and voice-over too! Great job! 🙂 Sorry for all the exclamation points. Haha! 😛

  5. This is a great book, a very easy read, and great life advice for any age. It should be mandatory reading for ALL teens before they graduate high school.

  6. I found this book to be charmingly inept or deceptive (depending on the author's real intentions). It IS a self help book and DOES try convincing you that you can have a better life by doing certain things that have worked for DROP NAME HERE. From "don't try" it goes pretty f*cking fast to "try very very hard".

    There is some good stuff in there though. I appreciated the following chapters/ideas:

    The responsibility/fault phallacy.
    The failure/success paradox
    The do something principle

    though I couldn't help thinking I had read those already somewhere else. "Victimhood chic" is a shrewd term for a psychological phenomenon I've observed many times. Well coined.

    It's a page turner for sure: I read in about 3 hours.

    Being a generation older than the author, I must disappoint him on one of his assumptions: as you grow older, you don't really grow wiser. You mostly grow older.

  7. Agree with most of the things mentioned in the book, however, one has to look for his own scenario as well. I myself felt that I kept on ignoring rest of things for work that I was doing, my toil was to make life better and no doubt I got paid for work that I did. But since I ignored my health and family just because I took work as a challenge and an uncomfortable place to be in, now I feel that I am not much of a family person. I skipped simple joys of life to achieve greater things in life by putting myself in difficult situations. Creating a balance is the most subtle art I'll say. This book by Manson if read by an immature person can befuddle him very badly.

  8. Hello. I am from Pakistan. Loved your review. Subscribed to your channels. Have you done more book reviews?

  9. I know your gonna get a bunch of comments here.. Maybe u won't even read this.. But somehow you've put together a very large amount of wisdom in a simple 9min video.. Thank you for opening my eyes to Reality. U've helped me alot..

  10. my girlfriend is reading this book and tried to recommend it to me, i might have to give it a go you have sold it better than she has.

  11. Do Zazen daily and discover that you are the sword you have been looking for all along. BTW Zen is the real training of the mind to not give a F about anything except being level headed at all times. That's true strength.

  12. book is extremely basic. I felt that I was talking to a broken bar drunk giving me bro advice about how to live my life…

  13. This book will help you think a little bit more clearly about what you’re choosing to find important in life and what you’re choosing to find unimportant. Thanks

  14. Jesus is Lord, that’s when I became free and stopped caring what others think and became super successful/ blessed. It’s all His…. loaned by good deeds

  15. Meh. I had plenty of challenges and horrible situations that didn’t lead to anything positive and had no meaning or lesson. Ultimately, you need to love your challenges. If you hate them, there is no virtue in seeing them as building your character e.t.c. Life is supposed to feel good. If it doesn’t, that’s your emotions telling you something is not right.

  16. When you are explaining the summary of a book, your video contains a lot of picture attraction which causes distraction from what you are saying.
    Try to make a less animated book summary which a person can listen to while eyes closed.
    By the way very good video.👍👍

  17. Thank You! And Thank You for doing both! I love to learn and others that do too. Thank You Again! Oh, I like the book. It's Modern Stoicism. Actually Really Awesome! Peace and Love ♡ Tauney

  18. Pretty much a book on following a stoic lifestyle. Yet still very profoundly educational, and a completely different way to think achieving happiness and positivity than traditional self-help books.

  19. Just like the title : unconventional. But boy is it refreshing. The author is not trying to sell BS but rather describe reality and how to make it better or take advantage of the inevitable suffering. Hats off to the author and to you. Thanks, too.

  20. Makes video about not giving a fuck. “In this video I’m gonna go over Mark Manson’s The subtle art of not giving an EFFF.”

  21. I disagree with 'The desire for more positive experience is itself negative experience'. Everything the author suggests can be achieved by focusing on the positive. Our subconscious mind is motivated by positive not negative, and everyone realizes there are sacrifices and hurdles that need to be overcome to achieve that desired results. Focus on positive not negative. Glass half full not half empty. Also having interest in Taoism things are not black and white, negative or positive as polar opposites. Things exist in yin and yang and we should strive to achieve balance.

  22. I’m always trying to improve myself but I always get to a point where I’m happy with myself. Right now I’m happy with myself but I know I can be better.

  23. I don’t agree with Mark Manson on not following the positive. He cannot simply disregard the positive aspect. You must follow your bliss in life, and not take the problems and hurdles as negative. Because you learn from them. Isn’t that the best way to learn lessons while following your call? That’s it.

  24. everything humans create (other than porn) is a waste of time. marriage, children, responsibility, etc….. ITS ALL SHIT. IT MAKES NOBODY HAPPY. IT ADDS RESPONSIBILITY….AN IMPERATIVE…., THAT IS ALL.

  25. Who draws all this stuff in all these videos? Is it just one dude who draws sketch explanations for the masses? Lol

  26. "And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his  span of life?” -Jesus Christ
    Luke 12:25

    Thx for the video, Med Insider, I'm a high schooler aspiring to becoming a doctor, and your videos are inspiring and wise!

  27. Guys what are your thoughts about Manson opinion that we should stop being positive all day and stop with positive affirmations???

  28. this is what I put in my everyday life I put down on the Forefront of my life and after that I put I don't give a fuk on the Forefront of my life this is what keeps me grounded and clean and sober

  29. I was in a bookstore and asked the staff for this book. They looked at me in a way that made me realized they didn't know i am referring to an actual book. They asked me to write it down. Lol

  30. Check out the influencer archive for more of summaries like this and many more from Jordan Peterson and Tony Robbins

  31. Great summary. I've read the book. I was looking for a summary to remember some of the books points.. This is honestly the best I've listened to. And nice reflections on your own life.

  32. "Being open with your insecurities, in turn gives you more confidence." What does this even mean? I have read the book and it wasn't explained there either. Please someone.

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