The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)


Our company has a new strategic initiative to increase market penetration, maximise brand loyalty, and enhance intangible assets. In pursuit of these objectives, we’ve started a new project — for which we require 7 red lines. I understand your company can help us in this matter. Of course! Walter here will be the Project Manager. Walter, we can do this, can’t we? Yes, of course. Anderson here is our expert in all matters related to drawing red lines. We brought him along today to share his professional opinion. Nice to meet you! Well, you all know me. This is Justine, our company’s design specialist. Hallo… We need you to draw seven red lines. All of them strictly perpendicular; some with green ink and some with transparent. Can you do that? No. I’m afraid we — Let’s not rush into any hasty answers, Anderson! The task has been set and needs to be carried out. At the end of the day, you are an expert. The term “red line” implies the colour of the line to be red. To draw a red line with green ink is — well if it is not exactly impossible, then it is pretty close to being impossible. What does it even mean: “impossible”? I mean, it is quite possible that there are some people, say suffering from colour blindness, for whom the colour of the lines doesn’t really make a difference. But I am quite sure that the target audience of your project does not consists solely of such people. So in principle this is possible. I’ll simplify. A line as such can be drawn with absolutely any ink. But if you want to get a red line, you need to use red ink. What if we draw them with blue ink? It still won’t work. If you use blue ink, you will get blue lines. And what exactly did you mean, when you talked about the transparent ink? How to better explain? I’m sure you know what “transparent” means? Yes, I do. And what a “red line” means, I hope I don’t need to explain to you? Of course not. Well… You need to draw red lines with transparent ink. Could you describe what you imagine the end result would look like? C’mon, Anderson! What do we have here, kindergarten? Let’s not waste our time with these unproductive quarrels. The task has been set; the task is plain and clear. Now, if you have any specific questions, go ahead! You’re the expert here! Alright, let’s leave aside the colour for the moment. You had something there also relating to perpendicularity?.. Seven lines, all strictly perpendicular. To what? Erm, to everything. Among themselves. I assumed you know what perpendicular lines are like! Of course he does. He’s an expert! Two lines can be perpendicular. All seven can’t be simultaneously perpendicular to each other. I’ll show you. This is a line, right? Yes. And another one. Is it perpendicular to the first line? Well… Yes, it is perpendicular. Exactly! Wait, wait, I’m not done. And a third one: is it perpendicular to the first line? Yes, it is! But it doesn’t cross the second line. They’re both parallel. Not perpendicular! I suppose so. There it is. Two lines can be perpendicular — Can I have the pen? How about this? This is a triangle. It’s definitely not perpendicular lines. And there are three, not seven. Why are they blue? Indeed. Wanted to ask that myself. I have a blue pen with me. This was just a demonstration — That’s the problem, your lines are blue. Draw them with red ink! It won’t solve the problem. How do you know before you’ve tried? Lets draw them with red ink and then let’s see. I don’t have a red pen with me, — but I am completely certain that with red ink the result will still be the same. Didn’t you tell us earlier that you can only draw red lines with red ink? In fact, yes, I’ve written it down here! And now you want to draw them with a blue ink. Do you want to call these red lines? I think I understand. You’re not talking about the colour now, right? You’re talking about that, what do you call it: per-per, dick-dick — Perpendicularity, yes! That’s it, now you’ve confused everyone. So what exactly is stopping us from doing this? Geometry. Just ignore it! We have a task. Seven red lines. It’s not twenty; it’s just seven. Anderson, I understand; you’re a specialist of a narrow field, you don’t see the overall picture. But surely it’s not a difficult task to draw some seven lines! Exactly. Suggest a solution! Any fool can criticise, no offence, but you’re an expert, you should know better! OK. Let me draw you two perfectly perpendicular red lines, — and I will draw the rest with transparent ink. They’ll be invisible, but I’ll draw them. Would this suit us? Yes, this will suit us. Yes, but at least a couple with green ink. Oh, and I have another question, if I may. Can you draw one of the lines in the form of a kitten? A what? In the form of a kitten. Market research tells our users like cute animals. It’d be really great if — No-oh… Why? Look, I can of course draw you a cat. I’m no artist, but I can give it a try. But it won’t be a line any more. It will be a cat. A line and a cat: those are two different things. A kitten. Not a cat, but a kitten. It’s little, cute, cuddly. Cats, on the other hand — It doesn’t make a difference. Anderson, at least hear her out! She hasn’t even finished speaking, and you’re already saying “No!” I got the idea, but it is impossible to draw a line in the form of a cat…ten. What about a bird? So, where did we stop? What are we doing? Seven red lines, two with red ink, two with green ink and the rest – with transparent. Did I understand correctly? —
— Yes. Excellent! In which case that’s everything, right? Oh, oh, I almost forgot, we also have a red balloon. Do you know if you could inflate it? What do I have to do with balloons? It’s red. Anderson, can you or can you not do this? A simple question. As such, I can of course, but — Excellent. Organise a business trip, we’ll cover the expenses, — go over to their location, inflate the balloon. Well this was very productive, thank you all! Can I ask one more question, please? When you inflate the balloon, could you do it in the form of a kitten? Of course I can! I can do anything, I can do absolutely anything. I’m an expert!

100 thoughts on “The Expert (Short Comedy Sketch)

  1. Check out the new episodes of The Expert: Square Project!
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp1
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp2
    http://bit.ly/SquareProjectEp3

  2. Every time I watch this I get so annoyed… Because this is reality… Especially the "You are a specialist of a narrow field, you don't see the whole picture" part.

  3. So how about this, you use a 3D shape of three perpendicular red lines; and you say the other four are in higher dimensional space and that's why nobody can see them. Problem solved.

  4. expert: it's a triangle, the lines are not perpendicular
    manager: why are they blue?
    expert: I have a blue pen
    manager: that's the problem, draw them with red ink
    expert: that wont solve the problem
    manager: how do you know before you've tried?
    expert: please god help me

  5. Get them to send a written specification and start with a red background and draw close parallel lines with green and transparent. Do this dressed as a kitten and use a surface that is bent at right angles…come on! how difficult can this be? Did none of these people ever work in local government?

  6. A conversation I had with my boss not so long ago.
    'We have to downsize because we are not making profits.'
    'But boss, we have the materials, we have motivated people, we have a saturated market and happy customers. Just use this and you will make profit. I assure you…'
    Silence… 'Just look at this pie chart…'
    'I don't want to look at your pie chart, what I say is just common sense.'
    Silence. 'Just look at another pie chart.'
    Aaaaaaaarch…

  7. 7 perpendicular lines are possible to draw in 7d. like you can draw 3 perpendicular line in 3d. (xyz is perpendicular).

  8. These people will have have this exact same meeting in 30 days, will talk about accomplishing the same things, then reconvene in 60 days to reiterate the same objectives.

  9. This is what it's like for me trying to just live my life! 😅😂🤣😆 Trying to make sense in a world that never understands how illogical and incorrect they are

  10. There happen to be many researchers who have a predetermined scheme into which they force us to enter. For instance https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/dec/06/how-shapes-predict-your-tolerance-of-deviancy. I guess the authors are left wing, tolerant, in favor of homosexual marriage, and so on (please read the link before commenting).

  11. I love this video sooooo much! It took me ages to find you guys (original channel) so I could check the sequence. Thanks for the sketches. Really funny.

  12. And the corporate world functions exactly like this. It's surprising the world functions as well as it does and that's not saying much.

  13. My client told me to design a logo for his welding business, admits he doesn't know anything and I'm incharge.
    (days later)
    Don't do that use this, use that, color this color that, design it like this and that and those. I'll be hiring him tomorrow as a designer.

  14. Without first defining terms, everything else is pointless.
    Redlining has been done for years by politicians and the color of the Redlines is irrelevant.

  15. Oh My! This is so accurate. Reminds me of how i was in a meeting for an app project for a haulage company with a goal to automate their processes as much as possible. It was like i was rocking Mandarin and they were rocking Cantonese (lol, a reference from my fav movie). And most of their ideas still centered around hiring more people to handle the "automated" processes. It was a mentally exhausting one and half hours.

  16. Being a specialist in a world of suits is like teaching your parents to set up the printer, only you don't have love as a backup.

  17. As a software engineer, I have been in that seat far too many times over my career. You know you lost them when their eyes glaze over and they get that 1000 yard stare.

  18. Real talk: If Anderson was business-savvy, he should have agreed and drawn three red lines in one axis and 4 in the other using red ink.

  19. How I might feel when explaining old computers' limitations, dos and don'ts to demanding laymen with short attention span who thought high of their computers because they costed a lot 10 years ago. 😉 Fortunately I didn't feel that way because I knew how to talk to them and to refocus the talk back on the topic. 🙂

  20. I'm a little late to this party, but watching this made me shudder. This is far closer to reality than one might think possible. If anything, what I found unrealistic is the lack of project jargon (and the short length of the meeting). Everything else hits too close to home especially the part where the expert drew the perpendicular lines and asked if they were perpendicular. I've seen this kind of thing happen in real life. ::shudders::

  21. Ah those were the days! I would sit in on meetings, one of twenty people around a table, they would talk and talk for hours, they would ask me questions and argue amongst themselves. It took me some time to realise that no one knew what they were talking about. They were all "experts in their academic field" and all paid much more than I was, but I discovered that I was the only one who actually did anything. I don't think I ever managed to draw any red lines with transparent ink but I gave them plenty that were kitten shaped!

  22. I didn't even get to work. My story:
    -you need to graduate to get a good job
    Me- but isn't the point of school so you actually know how to do something?
    – no, no, no, you need it to get a well paid job, just suck it up and get a degree. Only persistent people get, not smart ones!
    Me- but isn't the point of s degree that you are competent and reliable to do the job?
    -no, no, no, you need a degree to get a well paid job, don't be so incompetent and lazy!
    Me- i give up. I don't want to live on this planet anymore. All I want is to do work I can be proud of and that is pointless? Whay even bother to live then? …

    And remember Illuminati and free Masons run the world ( because how would you deal with reality where it's run by incompetent people? )

  23. This is reality for all of us. We deal with idiots, who know absolutely nothing, but ask about physically impossible stuff.

  24. I mean technically he would have to get into 7th dimension, buy color changing ink, and there you go! (Idk how to do the kitten thing tho)

  25. Suppose a genius makes suggestions
    -then watch that genius get suggested to resign
    I play it the company way
    all company policy is by me OK

  26. this is painfully accurate, I'm dying inside…

    … that being said, anderson is incorrect, 7 lines can be perpendicular in 7 dimensional geometry

  27. This is representative of the last 150 years on the origins of life or the speciation of life. Avoid , omit , discount and
    misrepresent the scientific evidence and then completely reject it and your now your a Neo-Darwinian Expert.

  28. if someone read 'Clean Coder' which written by Martin, those who say i can everything until deadline. we believe that they doesn't expert. The expert explicitly say their competence and possible about their work or project.

  29. Being manager now, I look back at my first years in corporate marketing… Nothing infuriates me as much as the lady in white shirt. She reminds me my first manager. Not only what she says, but how she says. Other… I can somehow ignore and do my job 😉

  30. What if the floor is textured so that light refracted from the convolutions in the surface interferes with itself as to produce red light. Similar to how a blue morpho butterfly's wings are blue despite them containing no blue pigment.

  31. Not a problem! I can have the whole thing done by last wednesday. Just get me a Hoverboard and two copper magnets, unless of course you have a striped irregular bucket.

  32. i mean, if you're working in a non-euclidean space, with asymetery, you might be able to draw 7 lines that are perpendicular to each other

  33. Reminded me, how I spent 2 hours explaining to client, why our team can't make website. That records users by webcam, without user's knowledge

  34. I specialised in Black Lines which transacted Two Dimensional Space and had the Outward Appearance of being Manifest as a Black Dot because the Black Line was seen End On as it penetrated the surface of the Two Dimensional Space of the Board and entered ‘n’ Space beyond.

  35. Thank you guys… thank you so much! FInally I have an easy way to explain my work to outsiders! I only have one boss, but he is ALL of those people in one person! I had to watch it twice just because I felt so relieved that there are people out there who understand what my work day feels like! Getting asked to do things, that are just not possible (in my case not because of geometry, but of laws and rules). Thanks guys!

  36. That is absolutely possible. Those lines are not required to be seen simultaneously, so we can draw them in a 7-D space. However, Every time we try to observe those lines, we have to chose specific 3 dimensions from 7 to watch them. In this way, that expert just need to draw 3 lines in each space of 35 possible combinations of dimensions. As for color, their is no conflict between red and transparent( like red glass), and we can also use a special green ink, which will be automatically transformed into red after being used for a certain time.

  37. Working as an IT consultant I also know customers like this. But that's no big deal for me cause I have been well trained during my school life!
    When I was like 12 years old or so, I had to explain to my arts teacher that it is impossible for me to draw rectangular blocks (or "houses" as he called em) using 2 vanishing points as long as he insists on havin one side of the "house" being perfectly rectangular.
    I tried to reason with him but it didn't work out. So I went to the black board, took his chalk and drew a rectangular shape. "If this is the side of a house that you're standing in front of… aside from the backside, all its other sides need to point to a single vanishing point at the horizon in the middle of your field of view. If you use two vanishing points for the sides, then the footprint of your is house is no longer rectangular. It will become a f***g trapezoid!"
    He didn't get it.
    "If you want to use two vanishing points, the sides of the house can never point to each vanishing point if you want to have a ractangular shape as the house's front side. It's impossible to keep a rectangular footprint! If you use two vanishing points, the part of the house that's the nearest to the viewer's eyes must always be an edge. Not the front side. Simple geometry."
    He still didn't get it.

    After a while, he suggested a compromise. I should draw the rectangular shapes for the front of multiple houses but use the left vanishing point for the leftern houses and the right vanishing point for the houses on the right side. I tried to tell him that the result would be multiple houses with the shape of parallelograms. Instead I gave up and just drew the blocks the way I wanted to.
    I got a bad grade because the end result was not what he wanted.

    That taught me to always respect the customer's stupidity. If someone is so dumb that he does not understand even the simplest concepts of his requirements, just tell him you can do anything he wants from you. In most cases when the project is done, the users will inform him that the end result is not working as it should, so he'll come crawling back to you asking to fix it. He will then be surprisingly open for your suggestions. Less stress for you but double the costs for him.

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