Romana Soutus, 2017 Lambda Literary Fellow

Romana Soutus, 2017 Lambda Literary Fellow



[Applause] I'm the last one trigger warnings or blood on some heart and the only thing is that it's a one-woman show which is why there are other people here I used to enjoy ripping out my baby teeth while I was eating dinner or liking that account of ice cream or even chewing on the plastic of a Barbie doll shoe I would feel a little wiggle a sheep a twinkle of movement and I knew I take my little fingers with their little nails and start feeling around taking in the angles the smoothness of the bone like a marble hard tense and resistant the curvature of it may think though fingers like Pygmalion de carbón Venus first I grasped the full cheese holding it between my pointer and thumb and the three of us would begin to dance I was taking her out for the first then she was anxious nervous unsure of what was to come I begin to hold her tighter she knew me well but never in this context never with this touch I wrapped my arm around her waist pulling her a little closer I wanted to know her to smell her to grasp her and never let her go well we twirled in a swirl of light and rhythm neither of us knew what was more intoxicating what was or what was to come tied together or pulled apart for both require the same excruciating vibration slowly she leaned into me loose together our hips began to twist first clockwise then counter a rhythm of 1 2 1 2 1 2 3 we were grinding ourselves into powder hoping the wind would blow us away together forever swirled forever entranced and the others movement wiggling and twisting and writhing by the tendon vulnerable and then we stumbled together grasping in the darkness unsure of where the next step would take us neither of us cared I pause I always paused before the big rip it was never like scenes or sheets or albums or rappers or roots from their flesh always like a crack open eggshells fish bones or beloved chicken under heels grinding powder into dust and there in my hand except a tiny piece of me to feed it the gap was gone and blood flowed slightly I felt dirty and soiled and invigorated for doing it all by myself my parents never knew I'd lost a tooth until days later there is this particular school photo fourth grade pigtails and a pink sweatshirt stained smile – canines missing watching [Applause]

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