Ricky Gervais Guide To: The Arts (Karl Pilkington, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant)

Ricky Gervais Guide To: The Arts (Karl Pilkington, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant)



Pablo Picasso once stated we all know that art is not truth art is a lie that makes us realize truth from painting and poetry to symphonies and sculpture the arts bring beauty and illumination to some confusion and frustration to others but what is art the idea of a work of art created by an artist did not truly exist before the Renaissance and what value did the art still have do they still make us realize the truth or are they increasingly rarefied knobs illipe in this digital disposable age with me to discuss the wide spectrum of the arts are Stephen Merchant graduate of the University of Warwick and award-winning writer thank you so much for having me and karl Pilkington a man with no qualifications very little education but who is now known the world over as a man with a head like a fucking orange well I suppose if I can pick up on something from your introduction ringing you you pose the question in a sense what is art it's a very broad term it's a very difficult one as well um I think there are these people to ponder it with it with the Greeks and I think they thought that art was and its point was to try and emulate as close as possible the beauty of nature they knew art was a sort of you know a quest for beauty and I suppose they thought nature was pretty perfect I mean it's this aesthetic and so the point of an artist was to try and tap into that well let me throw that question over to Carr Pilkington what do you wanna know well we were just trying to clarify what art is where he's just referring back to the Greeks it's just something for your eyes to look out she was just a change from the norm and that mmm I mean that's why I think most people of it but then the problem is I'd never buy a piece of that I don't see the point in buying something cause I know that my eyes will get bored of it eventually right so it's better to keep it in a museum like a lot of places you know a lot of museums keep the stuff they rotate it because people get sick of looking at it the shifty are around not make people go I'm sick of that now to move it around the world let someone else who's always look at it that's more to get everyone the chance to see it as opposed to the people who looked at it once and now sick oh not the shitty Mona Lisa again the same thing I think there's a snobbery with art I think people do go when they see the new the new one at the Louvre well I think they should be a snobbery with that why because the world is full of idiots and just because the there's not safety in numbers with art I think you should be a complete fascist when you're creating a work of art I don't I don't think it is open to utilitarian or democratic referendum I'd end up with the expert to win it that way no no but that that pleases the masses that's what I'm saying when there was a pain in knocking about when I was a kid right called the blue boy yeah now every ounce add one alright it turned out light was just a bloke who had a load and he was flogging them to everything but the thing is that sums up our to me someone's got a load you want one go on then I've got a wall to fill and they stick it on it's not now what does that represent well what's not gonna bring to the room it's just filling a fill in a gap and that's what art is to me is filling a gap that would otherwise I've now in it but you're obsessed with the functionality of things this is all you ever obsessed with there's what's its function your things always need to have a lead to get you from A to Z in some way and our it's not about that have you got my chart in your house yes yeah because it gives me pleasure and I don't get tired of it I don't get bored okay every day what it's there isn't it just as other things unless you're joist is there but surprisingly I've not compared if I think I've I've often as I practice but the thing about and this I think may be intriguing to you they mean Hearst of course is more of a conceptual artist like Tracey Emin and a lot of what contemporary art does is followed on from the guy called Marcel Duchamp who I'm sure you're familiar with now he famously he famously took a gentleman's white year I know like you'd find in a pub toilet then he put on its side and he signed it with a fake name when he put it in an art gallery now he did that in about 1917 perhaps a bit later it just annoys me because they'll be snobby people who haven't got a clue and they're looking out that and he's trying to say well that might make them think they may mean us I don't I don't feel angry with Amy a nurse really because I was getting away with it but why does that annoy you because it's people falling into the trap they mean you notice before he dies a bit girls what a laugh that was I had everyone on there's a very good point as well because some people think that the greatest art form of the last hundred years is marketing hmm some people say that that is his art that it's not good enough to do it you've gotta then get away with it and if are if the point of art is to inflame I don't think anything in flames people more than the discussion about whether some things are or if someone's taking the piss or if someone gets fifty million for something do they deserve it is it worth a hospital what do you think what do you think of a shark in a tank I think I was blown away by it I thought I don't never say this idea before it was sort of spectacular because it is so huge and so vast and to have put a shark you know in formaldehyde and to have hung it in our art gallery it's very striking when you see it you know if they're a fishmonger could have gone what he did yes but not everyone did it he did it this is an interesting point that you raise this is same hopeful you are not anyone could have done it that's always the same point you make anyone could have bug you could say the same but Michelangelo is he an artist or a painter and decorator well it hasn't caught on us it like the crying boy photograph no one's having them in their house no one's gone have you seen this have you seen the new trend of shark in a tank on no one's got the room no one wants it and that to me shows you what's popular at the end new day if everyone wants one he's got to be good on it but I think if he were given a chance to appreciate more sophisticated things then then they would and I just think that that's I think that's true in all walks of life you know it's it's an acquired taste and the best things are an acquired taste they really are well you know if all you eat is processed cheese and white bread you get a taste for it but if you try something that's you know in my opinion better than that then you know you'll leave that behind that's pretty rich coming from you I know I love a bit of cheddar on mothers pride yeah whereas if you were to be offered perhaps some calamari your reaction would be squid get it out of my face sure yeah but I take your point calamari wasn't a nice by the way when I haven't got pictures in in our flat because of that mirrored wall I've got yeah so it makes tiny he's been in it I've got windows on one wall door to get in on the other kitchen on the other mirrored wall on the other whoo so there's no way there's no no space for art I'm intrigued days sit at home what's the where's that where's the sofa at oh yeah facing the mirror so you sit looking at yourself all night yeah as opposed to a painting yeah but at least that changes each day no it doesn't he does those nice round and miserable every fucking day no no honestly it's good too because you don't lock it yourself otherwise especially me I am got in the air to comb or anything so I don't look in the mirror as much as the normal person so where is now I'm looking there every day so you're sat staring at yourself no cuz they tell is in front of the mirror but are you not slightly distracted by yourself yeah you do when the adverts run you look up and they Suzanne stuck next to me I tend to talk to her through the mirror why don't you look at would you talk to her yeah you don't have to turn your neck everything there's no neck usage going on I can just look forward I look at the telly lift the eyes up look in the mirror look at me look at there's nothing wrong with that it's like there's more people in the room there's nothing odd about that why wouldn't you use it doesn't matter sorry remember I always talk to your girlfriend via a mirror all the time is that your question well no I think it's quite normal if your head is facing a mirror where you can see everything in that room you know it's a small flat I can see everything that's going on in there without moving me ed Stephen Hawking would be well happy to look forward she sat next to me if if I'm watching the telly I can say something now she's getting the sound from me still because she sucked clothes yeah but yeah we're further away but things look better from a distance anyway little man but yes it's not odd you see there was a woman on on the estate who did yous ever told you about miss Peggy before no it rings a bell go on I think it's how you ages go it's this fat woman it used to be on the estate each other three wheeler bike pedal bike yeah like a tricycle thing but a big one she's the set her husband in the basket in the back cycle about yeah she was known as Miss Piggy anyway oh is this the one that she used to beat him up so your dad pretended to be a policeman yeah that's it oh yeah yeah no I don't remember yes you saw his daughter husband up on that and people in the area knew that she was being a bit tight on him and my dad went round with his mate and so but what's this got to do with the mirror anyway well the way she used to communicate she's always going quicksaving Nick biscuits and if anyone went up to her to save stop nicking the biscuits she'd pull out like a little mirror out of a bag and she'd look in it but talk to you via the mirror it's like it's like a Salvador Dali painting you exist in there so she used to talk to people through the mirror because she was mental I can't say it was this Ellie and look at me watching the telly in a mirror all night no that's only very conscious of myself no it gives you confidence in that and if you are a confidence well yeah because you've seen yourself more and you pick up what habits you do and stuff like that so what have you change through your yourself I sort of grew grew a beard do the week just something different to look up for a bit and then you get sick of that it's like a piece of art change that I have a bit of a shave can you see the back of the telly in there a little bit yeah if the flats a mess it's a mess twice the earlier start which we know which we call cave paintings they date back between 30 and 10,000 years BC even those people tried to brighten up their cave with a bit of art so in many ways they were more advanced than you but they didn't have a big mirror I mean if you're living in a cave let's face it you're not gonna go mad so if you kids start drawing doodling on the cave wall I doesn't matter right brighten it up but they always did the same thing it was always a yak all right flowers they yak yeah but they drew what they saw that I mean yeah I love the fact that 30,000 years ago they're being criticized for being a bit literal no but surely if all you ever see when you step out the cave is a yak do something different on the wall for when you get in it's always a yak on every wall you see I see yak it's always a yak whenever you see these Tom Robinson time team programs Tom Robinson yeah and a 70 singer/songwriter Tony Robinson you Tony Robinson whenever you see him digging digging around to say hold up everyone get the brush what's this what's this it's always a yak yet they pretend they're interested so you're saying that you you wouldn't know you'd have been something out of it oh yeah I just saw yeah okay so this is what I'm saying to you about trends one person does it the next caveman I'll have one of them on my wall I'll do a yuck why was he no one who's doing something a bit different well it's not true they did it's not true this thing about is yak it's just in your own head the programs I've seen it I've been to Pompeii where they are doodling on the walls and that was all like knobs tits and ass yeah over the shop now do that now people go that's a disgrace rub that out clean that get it down where's now if you see one in Pompeii Logano looking I said look at the detail on that well yes I'm saying this snobbery in art it's the same knob the knob has not changed I imagine in 50,000 years time if they dig up a cubicle and there's tits and ass you take pictures of it this is this is the interesting thing with the way we live now we clean and stuff up constantly now there's no almost no record of our time because we're getting rid of everything we've clean everything up everything's clean getting rid of rubbish recycling everything well that's a very good point is graffiti a valid art form some of it is I think it is yeah I mean we're not talking about the the classics bunking dick which is still I mean it's still great isn't it well I mean if obviously a lovely clean white war you see a spunk and dick on it you're gonna laugh always laugh do you add hair to the testicles winter a few the testicle it's always clean my testicles are always clean really I never I put into the four or five bristles sticking out strategy I always thought that was a kind of common aversion it looks like mine looks like I've been my real one I mean my um it looks tight like two gooseberries and Thunderbird 2 do you add much detail at the tip of the penis no it's a straightforward it's dissection across just a line across to show the helmet yeah there one little line for there the I tend to keep the same number of droplets coming out I I do three but I don't do the line I actually do the little teardrops yeah yeah and that is that that is the spanking dick as is at school it was referred to this may be specific to Britain it was referred to as the sacred I wanted on a sacred oh really I don't know where the origin if that was some graffiti is funny I um I saw when in London it just said Rachel is a big-assed big chind cunt now I think Rachel's gonna see that and know well that well I'm I'm the only big ask big chin cunt around here I don't how big her chin was sure I think of a chin maybe looking like the ass yeah maybe she couldn't see the last part of it cuz the chin was in the way rachel is a bit and that now where was he it was in our near Centrepointe so do you like someone was so angry well I think well maybe Rachel Nick this woman's fella right and she went out yeah yeah a lot of different places I'm someone that was something known as brick and Bristol it was something like Michael Peters is gay and I was wondering if that was Michael Peters himself who was having trouble coming out of the closet yeah I was just writing down a number of different places so that by the time you finally mentioned people they knew that anyway the toilet sculptures what do you think of sculptures I mean because that's something that really is getting into the the 3d world there's no longer you have to represent something as 3d you can make something you know is it you know the statues are amazing aren't they clever aren't they I mean they always look the same well that's not true is it because recently there was a quite a controversial one a huge one in London the pregnant thalidomide woman what you think that thoughts I want have it in my house well there would be route because it would just be you Suzanne and a pregnant thalidomide watching telly I don't know why it was trying to say sir maybe she was saying okay we've had the human form this is an example of the human form yeah but do you think she started off trying to do normal and it was all have chipped a bit off one of the almost got me makes you wonder Don it and why eight you see though that's we're too far this well you've got that Nelson's column he's got one arm and a leg missing or something and a patch over his eye then you've got the thalidomide why can't they just do a full person well that was what they saw that was what the artists saw it's about confronting us with certain preconceptions of what what we expect of the human form what we expect of sculpture it's probably a little ironic comment as well on the famous road and it's wrapped up with all kinds of ideas of Maternity of the human form of what sculptor is why wouldn't you put that in a big public place what about the subject did you think that is that subject who is that woman no not really because because the demands are around and we've we've all seen one it's not like a shocking a shocking image it's one of life's little things that you chopped out is some out there so it's not as my junking is it I don't understand what you mean I think what I thought is it just goes to show we cut the sort of running out of ideas what do you think of people who are so angry at art they they try and censor it or they try and destroy it do you think art should ever be censored it's where you put it if it's in a gallery then it doesn't have to be censored if it's in Trafalgar Square where everyone's wandering around having a nice time you don't want a 12-foot cock so it's all about where you put it I think somehow it looks better because of where it is angel and the norm that's a bit of our but it's a bit of a surprising that you're driving along a miserable motorway yeah oh well but that gives you something for your eyes to look at again moment ways that the most boring place to drive over there yeah should you be looking at art when you when you're 70 miles an hour along on that way well yeah it's really big you can keep your eye on it and look in the mirror you can it's not a problem wait you go past it and look in the mirror like normal what are you like the aim to the north because it's something in the middle of nothing right but if you put it somewhere else stick it in Trafalgar Square you'd go more clutter now you've spoken Karl about you know our and what impact is a half life apart and as Ricky's just pointed out of course in some instances are has been considered incredibly controversial very provocative and it's been banned famously one thinks of the Nazis but banning and burning certain books not all of which were just books you know criticizing them it was often artistic works things which they felt were subversive in some sense and you get that in many repressive regimes where people's artistic work is not allowed to express the way they feel about something Stalinist Russia for instance are there literature not able to express its views because people see it as dangerous as provocative well yeah the threat always comes from scholars without any dictatorship you know and they know that but not just not just scholars writing you know scholarly text criticisms but also people expressing themselves through poetry through creativity well yeah yeah it can be abstract in here they can still be subversive yeah but I think if it's done in a way that isn't just like a lunatic they get away with it like a nice poem some people would say read it in a different light I might read it and go I don't even know what they're going on about there so as long as it's done clever get away with it normally so it makes it a suspect but it's not often not the case what I'm saying often in these regimes these things are repressed no but it's always like cold words and that you can use in the car of you on it such as I don't know oh you you've just made a say whatever he's not backed over there was a very good point there the McCarthy era where he he was threatened by communism infiltrating the country and any thought that entertainers that might be a part of that the conspiracy it was a hotbed and that he made everyone come forward right as actors say they're not they're not a communist and some people were out in the cold and so people have to be a bit cleverer like um was Arthur Miller of a crucible that's it's a metaphor it's about witch hunts but it's about that and McCarthyism so yes good point you can put coded messages subin's radio was the same thing go on oh there's all the codes I thought you either I mean I was trying to make your point sort of more valid than it help you know but if you if you need to refer to CB radio that's the obvious right we've done this there's no point in CD radio they go they go Avenue candles here burning what how old do you i okay yeah I mean there's no point to those codes at all you know so this is in no way but this is in no way related well to the crucible why would you be talking about one of the most respected plays in 2014 that century and suddenly this in your head reminds you of CB radio just having having this code going on that only certain people everyone great everyone know it no it's pointless not madam pointless I remember we we were shown the cartoon version of Animal Farm or me about like 15 16 we were discussing it afterwards about Oh Anna podium oh yeah great oh yeah communism versus all the poor proletariat and all this and this bloke went do not make me sick it was just a nice film about some animals brilliant yeah what's your take on that cop always your voice if you can see the irony there can't you seen it there if you want to do a serious point don't use animals no well I disagree there because some working on to literature light on what I think my favorite is probably Charles Dickens and I think the greatest story ever told is a Christmas Carol and there's only one way that could ever be improved and that is a muppet Christmas I helps me write yeah so well and I think they could and I think people could take a lesson from that and maybe do other films with them up it's a muppet Schindler's List yeah I mean you could make it so moving couldn't you Schindler's List in Spain yeah yeah yeah well I think it would certainly help bring that story to a wider audience I think so yeah people who like Carlo were put off perhaps by the depressing black and white of it they would suddenly see the Muppet singing a dancing Miss Piggy's choice make his Miss Piggy's choice yeah yeah well we talked about that what about things like that in in our as well to know that something bringing some it's so serious to the masses like that like films do things like the Holocaust and like Sophie's Choice where she has to choose which child lives and dies why does chef the pit well because the Nazis were horrible nasty evil people well which one did she pick I don't I don't think that's the point I don't nest the point she's not a betting game no but I'm a this is this is like Deal No Deal it's kind of you down for last now the last two looks when you're gonna go for but why did you ask which one did she choose because if you said the names Robert and Allison what difference would it make you don't know the story boys because they're smart that's more than if you said Allison I'd go what was it with Alice than that what does she have over Robert that's what films are meant to do you question it whenever I watch your film with Susan I always say at the end what was going on there because you just watch The Muppet Christmas Carol II can't understand why a frog say twas a talk I'm all for films with it with a good storyline yeah he's gonna follow this up mate he's gonna float on something there he's got among you Karl go on then what's your take on films films films are really good you can you can get lost in them right and you like one with a good story I like I mean whenever anyone asks it's always the same Elephant Man hmm who cares Mission Impossible – these are ones that I've enjoyed enjoyed recently there's so many films I haven't seen yet you always say Oh have you seen some so maybe a possible one it was good news for you freeze out as true one of the most striking art exhibitions that I ever attended Carl was an exhibition of outsider art I'm something I'm sure you're very familiar with outsider art of course is work that is made by people who are often institutionalized for mental health problems or they are just incredibly you know the people who aren't in any way part of the artist well they uh right up to psychopathic murderers clinically insane mass murderers would count as outside their art and I went to an outsider exhibition in New York it was incredible and I bought a painting of this guy he's a chronic schizophrenic and he paints in tar like Road tar that he gets from roads and he paints in that on wood he finds in sort of skips and it's incredible because it sort of like scratched in and it's amazing and there's this thing that Jesus being helped down off the cross and you have to study it but it's there and it's it's quite incredible that it's just scratched in this wood by tar and there's no things that I was walking around admittedly I was walking around there going this is fuckin mental and James going you've got to stop saying that because of course some of the people are mental and there was one letter down a sculpture of a skull for I it was like a little head with his teeth underneath he put aside said Realty what I think's interesting about that is how much therapy provides for these often mentally unstable people I which is another important value of our of course people self-expression people being able to give a little piece of themselves through their work do you not see any value in that how do you express yourself whistle you whistle yeah I found over Christmas I whistled a lot more than he usually do and I think that was just freedom what you mean free though really expand on this point if you would well that's what that's what heart isn't it is you being free of all the world's heaviness when you say that's a great quote that that's great that for art is freedom I love that because I think I think you've really hit on somewhat there would you would you include the free of all the world's heaviness only about one in it I mean I would include the world's heaviness in my freedom you know some artists are attracted to the dark side the heaviness of the world but I just want to I just want to return to you whistling astok expression of freedom I mean what why do you find yourself whistling more that's what was weird so just take us through it to see how I went with the whistling begins oh sorry this was that you spent defending Kent with Suzanne and her parents yeah could I suggest something your freedom was thinking I'm in my own place now I'm gonna annoy them well it was mainly it's when we were playing Scrabble hmm and they were taking ages to have their ago and couldn't have the radio on because the boiler affects the radio it works it just gives something off every time it kicks in the radio goes all staticky right Sarge's was sort of supplying the soundtrack you've really hit on some of their would you would you include the free of all the world's heaviness I mean I would include the world's heaviness in my freedom you know some artists are attracted to the dark side the heaviness of the world but I just want to I just want to return to you whistling as a mystic expression of freedom I mean what and why did you find yourself whistling more that's what was weird so just take us through with the whistling begins oh sorry this was that you spent you spent Christmas down in Kent with Suzanne and her parents yeah could I suggest something your freedom was thinking I'm in my own place now I'm gonna annoy them well it was mainly it's when we were playing Scrabble hmm and they were taking ages 12 there ago and couldn't have the radio on because the boiler affects the radio it works it's just get something off every time it kicks in the radio goes all staticky right Sarge this was sort of supplying the soundtrack and what kind of things would you be whistling it was like I just sorted a whistle medley mmm it was going from one thing to another a wedley and her mum was impressed she was like you can whistle going and then she so now routing you girls just doing all different levels so it this sounds like the scene for 1/4 of the Cuckoo's Nest the boy is setting off the radio ok we saw you're good with it yeah let's grab Oh talk about outsider art I love the fact that Karl's life is like living in a home when you're in your 80s yeah but you thought that this was your way of expressing yourself I just found it odd because I'm not I don't whistle that much I think just because I'm I think I'm fed up most the time when I'm in London and you never get you don't whistle when you fed up you whistling is a happy thing you never get angry man suddenly breaking into as well as people who aren't whistling are usually pissed off but yeah the bloke is whistling it's like yeah it's the least he's the least annoyed person in the room when someone's whistling same as holding a drill the only person that noise doesn't annoy is the bloke who's drilling everyone else wants to punch his face and same with whistling whiskers there's no point in whistling know that there is no that's not the only the only good the only point to whistling is in a bloke's changing room everyone's whistling going I'm not looking at your cock if I'm whistling I can't be looking at your cock anything else there's no other there's no calling a dog maybe calling a dog changes the atmosphere yeah it knows everyone else don't know I mean our window cleaner was known as like you know that's how he knew was there he always whistled and in the end he fell off his ladder broke his front teeth Oh retired because he couldn't whistle that was that it was like this all the time can't whistle yeah clean windows it's a bit tragic could he take along a whistle just pop that in his mouth yeah I suppose you could have done didn't think about what about a flute or a recorder not London's burning again fucking clean the windows no fuck off he didn't really think of this through that he retired at the age of 28 bankrupt with no teeth yeah and just a white working dad because I can't whistle I can't whistle anymore and if the day you give up whistling the day I'll give up window cleaning so you never whistle now I can't really whistle very well no well I don't whistle barking whistle better than that what you did this for hours on end while playing Scrabble nice hours probably word though I'm sorry can we just hear that again just hope so Ulysses you're whistling after you lad you'll go as well yeah barking now Carl but hang on this isn't a bit that is Carl's self-expression that is his artistic self expression right there and now no chin no nothing there's mental patients who have sameach calluses with shit you've expressed more than you have enough yeah but it's not about other people I'm not there to please other people you're there too annoying what was the best word you came up with in Scrabble don't knock me out Scrabble because I do all right what's weird is when a play Scrabble you brain come up with words that I don't normally say like okay this isn't know I would cheat here your brain can come up with words you would normally say just words that are I'd never drop into a sentence tree cat gone squirm that's using a cube to a 10-month it's not bad is it now I'd never say that never use a square where is weeds I get your brain put that one out and then yeah when it wasn't I go just anyway so I'm sort of doing our for yourself as opposed for other people I don't even count what you just did there is our hobby maybe craft pastime I don't think even count that as art I'm not being funny I mean of its knobby air but I think there's a difference between Beethoven and squirm as a keyring no classical music I wish I was more educated on classical music that which I've heard I've adored I gain you when you find it challenging because it is so spectacular as so is so of another place where do you sit with classical music it's good it's good for background the line yeah you know me I like a song with a story and there's nothing going on in them that's the problem of that is how many times can you hear the same story quite a lot I'm not asking you watch this home film same thing except sit shorter than watching a film yeah but the film goes into the story with more depth than a three-minute song yeah but there's also do you know like when you watch what's an example say I think of a film yeah there's not many no but a moment in a film that it doesn't matter how many times you watch it you go I enjoyed that bit Godfather swings – I'll say no over Christmas on the bosses was on the moon when you were with the Godfather he was on the bus's Varney I don't know which is better it was a bit where like the toriel that blows up after shook in the Fagin that's how paint in it right that's all the buses they pop I can't remember to enjoy that bit I knew it was coming it's like oh I'll just watch this before an account but look at a lot of mums just see this how many times have you seen me on the buses feel about four or five but all I'm saying is music is there to sing over no it's not music is there to sing over that's a ridiculous thing to say music does some it to me I don't know what it is I don't know I don't know why a chord can say something to you I don't know mate gives you that feeling I mean all of it I'm in awe of musicians yeah my favorite piece of music is a thing by Vaughan Williams it's five variants of dives and Lazarus right and there's a bit there where they hit this chord and I I can't listen to it when I'm away from home because I I well up it reminds me of everything England just it does have a Jimmy and it does it on on a level I can't sort of quite understand it's just immaculate you can be a decent vocal on top of that mama's got a CD of Roger Whitacre right right whistling again no whistles jealous guy now the thing is I can't listen to that I'm this along I end up singing jealous guy on top of it so singing drums whistling yeah when someone else is doing the whistling okay I like whistling what if someone else has did that first Roger I think you'd ever sky you be whistling it so to make the classics live on I'm surprised someone hasn't gone I can I can up to this and da bomb a bit of vocal so you would have classical music with lyrics just for people they know that spheres Beethoven's fear that would be very to you that would what you meant to do without what do you do when you've got that on done do you we're so long gone now I don't wait long I just let it oh do you hustle along I just don't know what to say you obliged to whistle us the only way you could enjoy music if you can whistle along well that's the same with anything a good song you join in don't you it's not oh I like this one No so by that token YMCA is one of the greatest of all teams I mean it's not one of my favorites but you can't knock it he certainly gets the crowd up when I mean I did DJing and why did you hear about the ground with this crowd I'm just saying over this crowd that you have to live in your head with fuck the crowd most of the meridians although in middly if I was doing a wedding DJ yeah I probably wouldn't do YMCA over Vaughan Williams and why is that because it's it's happier go lucky he's done in three minutes classical music goes on for ages mmm you know it comes back in again well mmm it's a good point so I'll over the shop are you going are you staying it's overtime and I'm not saying we should get rid of it and I might grow into it you so I think that's music for older people well I think Mozart was disagree as he I think it is first symphony when it's five or six probably playing piano and writing music before you could read when the piano come out when he was a kid what do you mean if it was trendy table a piano when he was a kid it's like how kids now they messing about on Google at the age of two because the laptop is new it's new to us to them it's like Google in it what's your point because he was born at the right time Beethoven yeah even though boys are you saying that all three-year-olds around the time votes out with brilliant it would have been quite a lot of a Mozart Beethoven all out there all handl they're all around the same just gets him wild stars in the dark just names he's earned this names he's so was young sighs a poem came out everyone's composing on the styrofoam yeah exactly so it's all what you brought up with it nothing Zard if you're giving it when you're a kid nothing is difficult mmm didn't be taught all sorts I'm got room for a piano it's too big for a pastime a hobby shouldn't take up a whole corner of a room it's so limited isn't it his scope his imagination but a piano at the idea that a piano in a Hanks would be a frustration and annoyance music you could plan any I'd worry about annoying other people with it later you whistle when you're playing Scrabble you don't worry about annoying people at all I'm sure people would rather have gentle piano music in the background than squirm squirm so one of the earliest and most celebrated art forms that's you know along with painting and music still going today is the play and of course the most famous and celebrated exponent of that is our very own William Shakespeare some say maybe the greatest literary genius in history I'm not a fan right and I'll tell you why I'm not a fan one reason and one reason only sure and they were the structure is themes the fantastic the pun right oh I can't stand the pun yeah but I mean although Shakespeare did include a few puns in this work I don't think you could now I suppose it's the people have taken on home it just reminds me of bloat in the beard you know and a and a pipe at a party doing puns you know it seems like Shakespeare things like them or take their maiden heads and you look it Brody's notes to go okay cut off their heads and take their virginity are brilliant you know you can't it's like you can't explain the joke in retrospect you don't laugh if you then explain to you I'm ever gonna have to take issue with the idea that Shakespeare was not a truly great master of our language I think he was a nicely into the language he invented words or at least II stole words and and trains nobody took them from you know other languages which is a totally valid and he made up loads of sayings are still around today and there's a poetry in that inventing new actually Carl you like signs don't know got a list here of some of the sayings and phrases that that Shakespeare made up really in a pickle was his yeah well we know in the pic know what it means I it's a saying I'd never use because when you're in a pickle it's not something that you would say know if you're being sort of if you're captured and you're being tortured for information yeah you wouldn't and you and you get access to a phone you wouldn't call go mi5 I'm in a pickle hmm he'd be screaming doing taking me to town much as I love Shakespeare ease when that play was first staged and someone said during the play oh I'm in a pickle did the audience understand or were they baffled or was it like watching Ken Dodd when he goes you butchers exactly Oh hilarious yeah so Shakespeare is about as good as Ken Dodd that's what we appear to have established while you've been talking about that I just was looking on the computer at the pun of the day website because I felt like take much of what you say about puns and agree with it as a couple that you might you might like there was a sign on the lawn at a drug rehab center that said keep off the grass okay okay now if the pun is the lowest form of wit and let's face it sarcasm isn't sarcasm is up there compared to the pun then the drug pun I think is one of the lowest of the low ah people who congratulate ourselves on getting drug references keep off the grass with grass can it no smoking around yeah show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll fail on my flat my god okay good okay I mean that sums up puns isn't it it's things that kids get in a cracker I think puns should be short for punch him in the mouth idioms about go on in lausanne idiom is that a new word you made up no I did a complete idiot yeah I found out what it was because I thought oh I liked them what are they i mix like little sayings yeah got some stuff up go on give us an example of your favorite I just say one that are talking about signs Carl was getting fed up with someone it was it was too fed up with not getting replies from something he's you know he's having a hard time you know and I went all the worm has turned they went what I knew the worm has turned you know you've stupid saying it no okay tell him why you think that's a stupid saying because how do you know when a worms turned of all the creatures that you could flip over and know it's turned why pick a worm it's a bad that it's a it's the worst thing that could have picked to express something turn it but you're taking turning literally it's means changing doesn't it changing your attitude a new broom turn over a new leaf I'm sick of it chameleon nobody is a brilliant thing to use for something to change chalk that in the sentence this this there's nothing that you can link a worm to human life – you're talking about something that's it's blind in it deaf gay it's got no features just because it's a weird thing to use something that eats Hasse's more it does more than its head that could be said of you cards to be fair we've talked about about what our ears we talked about painting sculpture we've talked about music briefly we've talking about whistling over music to make it better poetry a completely different type of art form their car was your thoughts on poetry I've never really been a fan of it there's a surprise I think it's sort of it's all right for the person who's doing it you know you say that whistling is just for the Whistler I think poetry is more like that because you've sometimes you read it and you thinking what's he going on about so he's a bit I don't know it's sold in about lights a bit sort of gay in it right I mean hens what sort you talking about because I may be this poetry out there that I am earth there's some poetry gayer than others war poetry can't be gay can it that was parameters go on people fight in the trenches and probably gay they weren't gay they were there right into there sweetheart I don't know his name and what might be in a bloke I don't know but so is it was it was it sort of a what sort of poem was it was sort of a limerick sort of it no it was it was well this those famous ones Wilfred Owen and secret so soon and they're very moving they're about you know what usually happens is that they talk about why are we here this is you know we've been we've been sold a Ally here you know and they really started seeing war a different light from from from their point of view in the trenches famously some of them died soon after that you know reflect on the poem but a proper letter no sort of cryptic nurse that's the problem with my whims okay so you'll be disappointed to get dulce de coeur ms through the post would you either just said what you're trying to say mate is what's the weather like when you're coming home did you get my socks well yes sometimes life is a bit like that and it's like say what you mean right well that's it well then there's you have just wiped all art off the face of the earth if you literally just say what you mean no I'm just saying in a letter say if I say if I was a woman and my fella was fighting in a war right what you fellows named re okay so how early that's right so when we married about 19 1935 935 so you'd be married about four years how I don't why don't you go off oh yeah woman aren't you don't the fuck okay so what what did you see in Harry what did why did you like Kerry was he he just was like for me but it wasn't that butch but not know about landed it in the war know and you everyone but what did you say when Harry was set would said to you well I thought it was coming because a lot of a lot of our friends right just hug him and say don't go someone no point because that all just made it tougher him off the point just go with it but if he's right he when he's free win that's what you're doing it you wouldn't do it in front of him he's gotta go to battle okay so your man goes off to battle then I get a letter from the colonel in bitter bad news our he's dead now I get a letter in the pay said he said what he meant did he in there well yeah and he would they want they don't any around say no he was he was on the warpath in the cloud the cloud went dark what just tell me what happened I don't want a weather forecast he got shot at the art and the bullet came out his head right now the colonel he would just tell me the basics now because he sent is by telegram to the telegram they sent a telegram hmm the letter I get from Ari has been stamped so I get it late Oh cuz I get a letter from from Ari after he's died made yeah I and you know he's dead I know he's dead so I got this letter with his I'm writing on the other state because I was just getting over his death yeah it's all brought back to me when this letter drops through the yeah three days and you're pretty much over it he's done writing yeah oh god what's this what's the open it yeah and instead of saying things about their socks are damp you know everything's grim is cold I'm sick of it there's a poem it wouldn't feel like it was from RE well without in his words poems are never in note in the person's world but did you know how he was a poet when you married him and made love to him exit up because other people were doing it someone to do in the trenches but when he carried you over the threshold car and he laid you down and gently kissed you [Laughter] there are a few things Galen poach though I want to throw one into the pot the continental breakfast no the continental breakfast that annoys me when I see it who orders that if you've got the choice of eggs beans burger chips it sausages make all that you've paid for it already if I was away until I said was long forever tonight and the bullet went all right of a little bit of grapefruit juice and a question I go dear Johnson come on that oh you have a vote on the second cop yeah so with you there what else is some Wells's gayer than poetry I won though when I was at school once right the worst thing you could be growing up was gay yeah in school was the way it was the worst thing it was the you know and um I remember I was about 1450 don't swap with this bloke I talk about my stand-up man David Beasley he's the one that said if you get captured by cannibals they show you pornographic pictures when you're in the pot so you get an erection there's more media around so it was a it was an idiot a maid Carl look smart whoa really whoa and he said you know that thing that kids always do what would you rather be blind or deaf mm-hmm we did that and we discussed that for a while anyway what would you rather be blind or queer hmm and I went whoa I'd rather be gay because Oh would ya oh would ya well what rather than be blind I said yo and I said also if you were gay you'd like being gay he went I wouldn't know you would I said if you were gay you would like being gay he went I would amaze sounds like you would I went well if I was gay I would like being gay he went well I wouldn and he looked at me accusingly and I went no nor would i but gays would which made no sense at all right yeah this is just like such a stone wall attitude that I'd rather be anything than Gaia Carl thoughts blind or gay this is about our is it so there you have it our comprehensive and definitive guide to the arts next in this series is philosophy while looking forward to that one enormous lyric because of course you have a honours degree from the University of London in philosophy yes but I predict that that one will also be as bigger than a bollocks as all the others we've done thank you just reminds you that you can still get the wreckage of a guide to medicine the wreckage phase guide to natural history and now of course the reader face guide to the Arts

31 thoughts on “Ricky Gervais Guide To: The Arts (Karl Pilkington, Ricky Gervais, Stephen Merchant)

  1. Piano didn't exist in Mozart's time. It was Clavichord and Harpsichord. Same for Bach…even though the most famous performances of Bach are on the Piano by Glenn Gould.

  2. With Karl talking to Suzanne via the mirror, it just sounds like when a cabbie talks to you via the rear view mirror.

  3. Poor Gervais is either inhaling when puffing those cigars, or he's had a big meal and his head is lying on his chest – you can hear his laboured breathing throughout.

    Never thought buying a higher quality pair of headphones was actually a BAD idea 😉

  4. Had to listen to Vaughan Williams – Five Varients of “Dives and Lazarus”, beautiful 🎼👍🏻.
    Also Ricky’s laugh at 50 mins (ish) is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
    Wish these three would do something together again.

  5. Ricky and Steve are just parroting pretentious opinions they're read about on art and looking down on Karl's opinion, when his is the only one being honest and brave about it. Go, Karl!

  6. Never thought I'd hear the words "It's arse does more than it's head" in a guide to the arts! Bless you Pillockton for your idiocy!

  7. Ok here is an interesting topic (to me at least). Aren't memes pretty much a form of pun? Not all of them I suppose, but quite a lot. If a pun is the "lowest form of wit" then that would say quite a lot about an age when memes are the most ubiquitous form of comedy. Here is another one – Are the double, triple, and sometimes even quadruple entendres that a so key to being a really successful hip hop artist forms of puns? Discuss….

  8. How can you be a comedian and work with with language and not know what an idiom is? Also why the hatred for puns? When language was younger, they would have been more fresh. Shakespeare used puns so much because they used to be popular. Of course there are puns that are cringe worthy but there are jokes that are as well. Some are super creative. How about portmanteau? Not a pun but it can be a creative way to play with language. If it makes someone laugh who cares? Funny faces and bathtub selfies aren't every bloke's cup of tea, after all.

  9. I’ve been listening to the podcasts for about 4 years but I’ve never once heard Ricky laugh like he did at 28:06 😂

  10. Lmao Karl comparing sophies choice to deal or no deal is so fucking wrong haha what an egghead fucking mong

  11. Plonkington makes the characters on Phoenix Nights look like a room of astrophysicists.

    Also, I'd like to see Gervais' thoughts on continental breakfast visualised on a T-shirt:

    "Cum on a bun ?"

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