Neymar | Draw My Life

Neymar | Draw My Life


Hi, I’m Neymar and I am proud to endorse
my favourite YouTube channel of all : Draw…my…wife. Sorry, Draw My Life. Available to buy in shops now… what do you
mean you can’t buy it? How do I get paid? I actually have to do it first… fine,
but then I get paid right? And you’ll pay me in cash, right (pause)… the less the
tax man knows the better. I was born Neymar da Silva Santos Junior on
the 5th of February 1992 in Sao Paulo, Brazil. My father was also a footballer. I became
the amazing football talent I am by combining street football and futsal. I joined the youth
system of Santos FC when I was 11, which was also the club of my idol and Brazilian legend
Pele, who was the greatest in the world .. at endorsing products. Sure he scored a lot
of goals, but he will always be remembered for that viagra ad. What a salesman! The money I was paid by Santos meant my family
could afford to buy our first home and improved our quality of life dramatically. Then the
money I got paid from Nike when I signed an 11 year sponsorship deal with them meant I
could buy my first home-cinema and improved the quality of my bank balance dramatically.
Just do it! By the way, playing in my new hypervenom II’s is like playing barefoot. I made my professional debut in 2009 aged
17. I quickly became one of the hottest young talents in the world, in 2010 I even caught
the attention of the only club ever to win the World Cup, West Ham – I think they are
named after their sponsorship deal with a bacon company.
.We reluctantly turned down their £12 million offer, I mean come on, I’ve paid more than
that in tax … well not tax, lawyers fees. The whole country of Brazil was urging national
team coach Dunga to pick me for the 2010 World Cup, despite having not played for the Brazilian
senior team before, instead he took Robinho, Elano and Julio Baptista (pause)… I know…
what have they ever advertised, other than how gullible premier league clubs are and
that they will buy anyone with a Brazil cap. Managers learnt from Dunga’s mistake and
quickly realized who was really in charge. Just ask Dorival Junior, he made the mistake
of appointing someone else penalty taker for Santos. I had to be held back by teammates
and the linesman. He wanted the club to suspend me, instead they sacked him. It was the best
decision they ever made, in 2011 I scored and was man of the match in the final of the
Copa Libertadores. It was the first time Santos had won the competition since Pele helped
them escape to victory in 1963. In 2013 Barcelona made their greatest purchase
ever, a top of the range limited edition one of a kind footballer (pause)… the Neymar
model, available in white and gold boots. Terms and conditions
apply, no money back guarantee, taxes not included. But a quality product
like that doesn’t come cheap. There are a lot of admin fees, extra costs, taxes .
eh not taxes. It’s complicated, that’s why my father’s company was paid €40 million
by Barcelona, for… eh… a consultancy fee. In 2014 Brazil hosted the FIFA World Cup.
The hopes of the entire nation were riding on us winning and I was expected to carry
an entire country .. and David Luiz, on my back. I had to be stretchered off with
a fractured vertebrae in my spine … I could carry the weight of the nation but
even I couldn’t carry Fred and Dante to a world cup final. I was injured before our
7-1 semi-final disgrace against Germany. People weren’t sure if I’d combine well
with Messi, but the addition of Suarez has proved killer (like these new Beats headphones)
We’ve scored more than a hundred goals combined for Barcelona this season. I also learned
a lot from Messi To date I’ve scored 43 goals in 62 appearances
for Brazil. I’ve won 3 Copa Paulista titles, a Copa do Brasil, the Copa Libertadores, La
Liga, the Confederations Cup and I’ve an Olympic silver medal. But more importantly
than that I’ve sponsorship agreements with Panasonic, Volkswagen, Santander, Beats, Police
sunglasses and L’Oreal. Cha-Ching!

100 thoughts on “Neymar | Draw My Life

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  2. LOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

  3. Engraçado q mano qm manda aqui é nois os br os americanos falano uma porrada de coisa e nem conheçe o Neymar qm é br da laike e qm for americano e traduzir isso vai tomar no meio do cu Neymar é brasileiro e Pelé também nois Samo o país manda no futebol!!!!!!!

  4. PLEASE STOP THE FAKE ACCENTS YOU SOUND NOTHING LIKE A BRAZILIAN YOU SOUND LIKE A 80 YEAR OLD MAN WITH A SORE THROAT

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