Draw My Life | Emma WhispersRed | ASMR

Draw My Life | Emma WhispersRed | ASMR


hello this is Emma and this video is through my life I have so many stories to tell you some of them fun some of them not so fun but all of them have contributed to the person I am today and that means I’m really grateful for every event no matter how difficult that may be for a while now I feel like I’ve been living two lives my whispers read life and Miami home life it’s been really lovely to have the two separate because when I started this channel it was nice to just be me and not someone’s mom someone’s wife or all the other roles I played just me and you all saw me not having to fit in anywhere not being the certain way to conform just me with my soul you with yours I’ve been able to express myself in ways I never could anywhere else just be the true me so thank you I’m ready now and it’s about time for those two lives to come together for me to show you all how much being around you guys has helped me this channel and the kindness that comes out of every video has literally saved me transformed my life and the lives of the people I love and care for so many of you over the years have trusted me with your personal experiences and now I’d like to show my gratitude for you by trusting you with mine so this is something you’d like to share with me then make yourself a nice cup of tea and snuggle up cozy let’s begin I was born in the late 1970s in a small city called Lancaster which is in northwest of England we lived near the sea my mom and dad were very young when they married she was 17 and he was 21 a nurse and a builder it wasn’t long after their marriage when they had me and I’m the first of three children life was lovely when I was little and I was cherished by my family and my grandparents I’m from English Irish and Scottish descent we had very little money just like everyone else around us in that time but my dad is the hardest-working person I’ve ever known I’m quite not like him we’re close and I’ve always been able to go to him for advice and support he’s a really good man he’s very sensitive and admittedly he was stressed a lot when I was younger he hasn’t always made the right decisions but right or wrong he’s always tried his best for me and I love him so much that by the time I started school my sister was born life changed a lot she had celiac disorder but it took a long time to find that out not to then she just cried all the time she was sick and in a lot of pain it’s well managed now and she’s fine but it was really difficult when she was maybe I was very sensitive surprise surprise and an empathic child and learnt very quickly to put myself aside and be a help to my mum the new baby took up all her time or a certain but I’d always been very happy in my own company anyway being an only child for about four years I was very quiet and well behaved emotionally older than my years and loved playing tea parties in my Wendy house making mud pies and gathering early school was fun I had lots of friends there were some really lovely tingly teachers but some mean ones too one in particular would hit me when I used to use a pen with my left hand she shouted all the time and once pulled me to the headmaster by my ear I can still feel it now when I think about it I used to fake illness a lot because she just terrified me thankfully she left school and it was fun again I especially remember playing marbles on the grids’ in the playground learning to play the recorder and getting tingles and carpet I when the teacher read a story at age 8 I developed Bell’s palsy apparently free was from an ear infection I woke up one morning and half of my face was completely paralysed I wasn’t too concerned for my looks at that age but it did make me stand out from everyone else and being sensitive that caused a lot of embarrassment I had to explain it a lot and the unkind kids had a great time making fun of me I already had the nickname granny due to my short curly blonde hair which I hated after several months of heat treatment and physiotherapy my nerves started responding again and I was able to smile fully my face has been uneven ever since so if you notice my face twitching or my eyebrows are uneven in videos then that’s the reason I recovered pretty well considering around that time my brother was born he was the loveliest baby and such a funny boy he was sensitive and empathic just like me and I felt really protective over him we had a lovely bond and we still do being eight years older than him he looked up to me and now I look up to him because he’s so tall he’s done a lot of interesting things in his life so far and now he’s a doctor life with my dad was full of new beginnings we moved house a lot after finishing work dad would come home and he would start work again on our house once it was done we’d moved to another beaten up old house and start all over again eventually we arrived at a lovely place that he thought would be nicer to grow up in it really was it was small green village just outside town it was so great and I could go out of my bike all day long playing the fields go to the park changing schools though was really really difficult for me being the new kid I got bullied a lot by group of girls the ringleader of the pack still gives me shivers every time I think about her but don’t worry she grew up to be extremely boring and unattractive as spoiled kids I often do once I’ve been there a while though I made really good friends and everyone lived nearby it was great to go for sleepovers have dinner at other people’s houses I became an extra family member in a few households in that area food wasn’t very nice at my hills and because my mom has never been much and dad’s never in the shopping ran out really fast and I just remember being hungry all the time I had a favorite dinner in all my friends houses and became quite the people pleaser I tidy up my friends bedrooms and be extra polite so I was always invited back my favorite things to do on sleepovers was to invent dances to pop songs and read the problem pages in girls magazines squeezed to sit underneath a duvet cover whether I taught and just absolutely crazy with laughter with both my parents working a lot I got very used to taking care of my brother and sister our mum worked nights by that time so I had to be quite inventive in keeping the other two quiet so she could sleep when they were home though I preferred my own company and if they went out I’d sneak out my dad’s old Beatles and stones records growing up so close to Liverpool meant that the Beatles are in my blood John Lennon was and is just like a family member to me and his voice has always been a comfort I love him I also used to take myself to church on a Sunday morning my friends and their families would be there and I earned myself a spot in the choir which meant I got two pounds for singing at weddings this was amazing to me because I didn’t get pocket money at home in fact once I got the taste for having my own money I started working at age 13 first babysitting for different families around the area and Hertz the local dog kennels when owners went on their holidays and then after that I started working behind the music counter of Alworth which I really really loved as I grew up I increasingly felt the odd one out in my family my dad was either at work or stressed about work he left all of the emotional stuff to my mum we had our moments of fun and connection and she was there for me at a few key times but as I grew older she understood me less less I find myself trying to please her a lot and it never worked I was very different from her so she struggled to understand my needs and wittingly or not she often sabotaged my confidence there was always a separation and something missing I’ll never forget something she’d say to me which started when I was very little I’d shout to her in sheer frustration you don’t love me and she’d say I love you I just don’t like you it kind of sums up our relationship really I’d firstly assume the issue was me being a child that’s what you do but I was also smart enough to know that something was wrong I could never put my finger on it I was the one in the family brave enough to point out the truth when things were wrong but when I did they called me selfish and ungrateful I was the troublemaker in my family I felt now when I had my back so by the time I reached high school and my teens I was really shy and I was really well-behaved all on the outside but on the inside I was just confused and straighted all the time then everything changed music happened the high school offered musical instrument tuition so I took up clarinet and later I took up tennis saxophone and I was really good at it suddenly I was valued for having a talent and it gave me an identity after school rehearsals orchestra the county jazz band local shows and festivals wherever they would let me play I was there I always wanted to be a girly girl but I was given short her all of my life short back inside every time I was so embarrassed and I couldn’t speak to people without going bright red especially to boys so I finally took control and refused another haircut it seemed to take forever to grab it I was now speaking through my instruments I had a way to express myself and he gave me confidence but to be tough eventually seeing I had a talent for it my dad bought me my own instruments and it must have cost him a fortune and he never had that much money so I understood the value of that they were really big and heavy and I carried them on the bus every day if I’d been to an after school rehearsal the bus home had already gone so I would carry them with all of my other stuff gym staff and books and everything two and a half miles along the coast to home I didn’t mind it because every now and then I’d set myself goal and I would take a few bench stops to sit and I would sit and watch the sea for a while and think about what my future was going to be where I would be in ten years time come up with ideas and tell myself that everything was going to be okay sometimes my dad would see me on his way back from work and I’d catch a lift it was one of the only times that we really talked and I loved it he would give me loads of advice and tell me I could do anything I wanted to do my life and tell me stories about his life – finally once my hair grew long and it was the biggest bushiest hair you’ve ever seen and a sort of ready brown color by now I was in the sixth form wearing Doc Martens which I customized myself I painted silver stars all over them I was dressed like Janis Joplin and knew all the words to every slit song ever its music was everything to me I loved Jimi Hendrix navona Stone Roses The Cure The Charlatans you name it whatever I could get my hands on I was just obsessed and I would read biographies about all of the musicians songwriters it was about that time that I was sneaking out at night to meet the older University students in Lancaster and I was going out to all of the indie clubs I even made my way to the Hacienda Club in Manchester one night without anyone knowing a friend at school one day said she thought I looked like Tori Amos so I looked her up I didn’t know she was ten that from that moment I was absolutely hooked after about us different hair colors black purple blond I dyed it bright red like hers and I’ve been doing that ever since that’s the color you see now she was my idol but I still soon I hooked myself a guitar-playing boyfriend and we started a band my voice wasn’t very strong but I was determined to be the lead singer so I just shouted until eventually the note started to form and I became quite good we’ve got support Jools Holland when he came to town a couple of times and had lots of fabulous band disagreements which we even got into the local paper for we won a battle of the bands competition and got to play to a crowd of 800 people in France we thought we were really caught as well as all of that I was earning money as a wedding singer plus my Woolworth’s job and going out socializing I really didn’t have the time for school and exams I hated school by this point I hated the system and the system hated me teachers would get frustrated with me because they knew I was wasting my intelligence but they went about it all the wrong way and they told me I’d never be successful at music and I was wasting my time it just turned me off completely so much so that when the a-level exams came I wrote poems on most of the exam papers when it was time for the exam results I knew what was coming so I poked the bag and I got on a plane and escaped to Paris my friend was working there as an au pair and she offered me a bed I had the most amazing time I spent my days sitting on the steps of the sacre-coeur listening to Rage Against the Machine on my walkman deciding what my next move was going to be I just knew that I’d ruined my chances of getting into uni but I was desperate to leave my family and the town I grew up in at that time I just thought that I turned mad or boring if I stayed there and I just had to leave so I decided to put an advert in the national music paper the Melody Maker for singer available and joined band in Nottingham which is in the Midlands the drummer agreed to put me up on a camp bed in his house and that was that I’ll never forget the day I moved out my parents drove me there all I had my name was 250 pound savings a ton of CDs a guitar a clarinet saxophone and a bag full of charity shop clothes my mum was there crying doing her usual poorly you’re upsetting me routine and my dad was disappointed and scared but proud of his crazy messed-up brave daughter and trying to comfort his wife and and there was me absolutely terrified but pretending to be in control so that my dad would stop worrying I had no idea what I was doing and I cried myself to sleep that night in a cold damp uncarpeted room on a creaky old campus it was awful eventually the boyfriend I left behind decided to move away too and after a short time we both moved to London this was a new boyfriend who had been in one of the other local bands we were great friends and he was an amazingly talented musician and songwriter he was the moody tortured artist type we were tragically poor that managed to rent a cheap place together it was above a Jamaican barber shop and near falling to bits if he went into the bathroom at the right time in the morning you could see the landlord cleaning his teeth roll in the floor we didn’t mind so much being poor we take numerous trips to the supermarket to buy the maximum daily allowance of 9 pence beans and cheap life spread and just lift off beans on toast I joined an all-girl rock group and he had his own band he was really tough trying to make it in music but we both had tons of fun we’d support each other in our gigs all over London and had some really great experiences I remember once he supported Coldplay at a gig in Camden they hadn’t signed a record deal yet and that night they had all of the A&R people from the record companies coming to see them the venue was packed and they when they came on my boyfriend and his band were being really beauty by the bar so I went to the stage to see them all on my own it was the most amazing atmosphere and such a great great night that night I also met a BBC Radio one DJ his name is Steve Lamacq and he gave me his home address to send him my songs I didn’t do it I was way too scared there were so many opportunities that came my way at that time but I was always too scared to do anything about them being behind the microphone on stage or in the studio I felt like I could conquer the world but all the other stuff just terrified me a big us label wanted me to send material over but I didn’t Buicks manager was interested in taking me on but I was again too scared to pursue it I just wasn’t cut out for the music business me and the girl group we did appear on a channel 5 TV show once but thank goodness it’s not online I think my diet has a copy of it some but I could never bear to watch it mine and the boyfriends relationship was coming to an end we outgrew each other and found life I found life with him quite depressing I was excited for a new start so I left the girl band and my best friend from high school was in London – she’d been to uni there and we decided to move to Brighton together which is on the south coast however when it came to organise our move she was nowhere to be found and none of her friends would answer their phone to me as it turned out she was moving in with my ex-boyfriend and they both just disappeared from my life I was alone again with no money no home no friends apart from one who was a sort of our friend of a friend and that dancer who was in between acting jobs she’s really funny actually she’d been left behind as well and was in the same circumstance so we found somewhere to live me and my two cats Sydney and Lily and all the other stuff moved the new place was just as much of a wreck if not more the windows didn’t fit the frames the boiler was a health hazard and the fridge never kept anything Lord but it was all we could afford so we made the best of it and I survived on instant mash tinned tomatoes and brown sauce until I got the job my friend helped me with that she also did agency work for marketing companies and offered me to either join her lap dancing or the agency work I chose the latter I’d never had the courage to be a lap dancer even if I did think it was a good idea she never really took any of her clothes off anyway she was such a good talker that I think they just paid her to be quiet most of the time single life was amazing I didn’t earn a lot but it was more than I’d ever had and I would never work in the same place for long so I really got to explore London more in the mornings I could be at the train station handing out free chocolate bars or something after that an exhibition and in the evening I could be handing out free drinks in a bar I did everything and anything from dressing up as a bananas to walking around celebrity parties handing out free stuff I loved it and I made tons of friends I have so many stories from that time but I’ll tell you just one of them there was a new cable channel out caught the dating channel and me and a friend were hired to walk around a shopping center asking people to film a profile for themselves by the end of the job they needed a couple more profiles so my friend and I made one each I didn’t want to do it as myself so I created a character called Millie with pigtails and glasses and filmed a profile I never saw it but apparently they played it a lot on the channel I didn’t have a TV let alone have cable so but later on iPhone the radio one the BBC radio 1 breakfast show saw it and started a week-long nationwide appeal to get a date for Milly one night about a year later my life was about to change again a friend of mine invited me to a Halloween party in Brixton so I put on my best long Tassili black dress and black buffalo trainers like the Spice Girls used to and went along as I was getting ready I just knew that I was going to meet someone that night I remember looking into the mirror and just smiling at myself I just I just knew the party was terrible there weren’t even any nice people there let alone nice men but I did make friends with a DJ and he offered to take me and my friend to another party so he went along we didn’t have any money to buy drinks we’d run out by that time but I was quite good at pool so I challenged someone to a game and we won our drinks my friend and I were dancing away when I looked over the other side of the room and I saw the most beautiful man I had ever seen he was sitting there looking at me with his arm over the space beside him I played it cool and spoke to his friends first but then made my way to the empty space next to him we talked for hours he was dark-skinned and exotic looking with the kindest face really deep eyes and the warmest of voices his name was them he was Thiet nummies with a strong London accent and was a DJ I fell in love with him straightaway I wrote my phone number down for him on the tiniest piece of paper he managed not to lose it and called me the next day and we started dating now had had a tragic upbringing having left the poverty of him after the war as a baby with his mum only to end up in the poorest of homes with a physically abusive stepfather he was living alone in his sister’s old place it was a real bachelor pad DJ decks in the lounge friends around all the time and it needed a really good clean he needed a woman in his life so I moved in and cleaned the place up we were very close very quickly and knew that we’d one day be married and have children we knew each other already as soon as we met after a short time dating we decided to get our heads down and work really really hard just to make our lives better after a lot of work and saving all in one year we bought our first place we had our first baby and planned a wedding so in 2003 I became a mum to the most beautiful sweet little girl with dark thick hair gorgeous olive skin and big juicy red lips her name is MIA her birth was a really bizarre experience it lasted all night long and by morning I was screaming at the top of my lungs in broad daylight curtains wide open looking through huge big windows at the houses of parliament hospital was directly opposite I had no pain relief or gas in ER I’m surprised they didn’t hear me in cabinet poornam didn’t know what to do with himself mia didn’t look anything like me and people used to assume I was a child minder but I didn’t care about that I was a proud young mum we had a few cultural complications over the wedding plans nothing too major I was well accepted by his family and him by mine but we decided that pleasing everyone else was too difficult so we did our own thing and we got married in the mountains of northern Thailand it was a lot cheaper to go there than it was to our wedding that home surprisingly enough so we had a super budget but the Buddhist wedding we had hungry local villagers as guests some dancing girls a band and a drunk videographer neither of us speak Thai so we didn’t understand a word of what the mum was saying but it was the most beautiful ceremony I wore a green and gold wraparound dress with a purple orchid in my hair and Nam or a cream Thai style linen suit our wedding flowers were Jasmine afterwards we traveled sonam’s birth town in Vietnam to see his family that he’d never met he never knew his dad because he unfortunately passed away whilst nan was growing up in London however he was a well-known football player during his lifetime in Vietnam and people recognized him in the streets because of it they were pointing at them saying his dad’s name it was quite an emotional trip with a grandchild in the family my dad decided he’d like to move to the south and be nearer to us my younger sister had already moved down south to London for other reasons with her fiance and dad was ready for another house renovation with me being a mum now and more settled I think my mum found it easier to relate to me so our relationship improved a little bit I really enjoyed being a mum but it was so lonely for me I had none of my old friends anymore they were still all busy partying away for a whole year the only friend I had was our elderly neighbour calf he would come in every day at 2:00 p.m. for tea cath is still around now living in the same place I go back there and I take care of her every couple of weeks I take her shopping and help her we think she needs we’re very close and she’s been like a mom to me she never had any children of her own so I’m like family to her I began spending the weekends with my family wouldn’t like a dutiful daughter and it wasn’t good for me at all both feelings I’d had that made me want to leave them came back again and I began to feel trapped then was working really hard to keep us he was so tired and he was stressed and I was stressed then we argued a lot so I did what I knew best and threw myself into work which incidentally made me unavailable at weekends so I didn’t have to hang around with my family as much I borrowed whatever I needed to start my own business and I became a London market trader I drove a silver transit van with pink fluffy dice hanging in the windscreen and I sold electrical hair products it was so much fun working alongside really lively people as some of the best people ever so funny and so happy they took me under their wings and really looked after me the work was hard usually starting between 5:00 and 6:00 in the morning and we couldn’t afford childcare so I took Mia with me I was determined to take care of her myself anyway so she would sit on a stool in the middle of my pitch all wrapped up with her breakfast in hand and I would build the store all around her it was really tough but we had lots of fun she’d have her nap beside me and then help moving boxes and selling things before long I had four different market pitches working seven days a week and I was a big hit with the African girls who always needed new hair straighteners I didn’t make a huge amount of money because I kept feeling sorry for people all the time and I gave my stock away but I did all right it was a dream of mine and nems to move somewhere quieter and with both of us working constantly we never wanted took a break no holidays nothing we were finally able to do that so we sold up and moved to the same area that my mom and dad were living in it was a nice place and we thought that it would be nice to raise me over we bought the only house that was in within our budget nothing worked and it needed complete renovation which we couldn’t afford but it had a garden and it was ours and we were so happy to be there away from the city and into a more child-friendly area I remember the first year we had no heating and barely any money left over each month for food but we loved each other deeply and it always got us through life was tough and we had our moments of stress just like everyone but we were happy things are ticking along nicely in our old rickety house our finances had improved a little bit and we were saving up to pay my dad to renovate the place which he had kindly agreed to do I couldn’t leave him twiddling his thumbs could I needed a new house to renovate so we did the sensible thing and added to our financial obligations by having another child in 2009 I became a mum again to a beautiful kind sweet and empathic little boy named beau which pronounced in Vietnamese means father I had built my stall every weekend right up until I was 8 months pregnant so I managed to stay quite fit the midwives agreed that I could have a home birth and it was the most beautiful experience of my entire life we hired a pool and because we were at home mia could be there too which I really really wanted so she was the first person he saw when he opened his eyes she cut his cord and she helped the midwives now near enough passed out from the anxiety of it all but as girls has it covered it was time to say goodbye to my market days and I started working with a friend of mine on a small business I helped him with his work and I got involved in the community for my children on top of work two children are falling apart house to take care of I run the local baby group youth club preschool committee and I had an allotment where I grew food for us I used to grow my own vegetables between wanting to please everyone all the time and trying to prove how good I was I became the most stressed and worn out I’d ever been in my entire life I took on everyone’s pain and responsibilities I barely looked after myself and even all my clothes had holes in once again I was the smiling hard-working people pleaser on the outside and a total mess on the inside nan was tired from working all the time I was totally overwhelmed so again we argued a lot then one day just before Christmas disaster struck finally after saving and borrowing we were able to renovate our house it needed near demolition so we couldn’t stay in it and luckily my dad had offered for us to live with him till it was habitable again the building work and the accommodation wasn’t for free of course but we were so grateful for the work to be done and have a place to stay I planned to be the best daughter ever they wouldn’t even know we were there and I fell over myself to make sure that everything was going to be perfect housework cooking everything I bought fancy presents for everyone and planned the perfect Christmas with minimum stress I was aware that it wasn’t my mum’s choice that we move into her home so I wanted to have a little impact on her life as possible and just keep everyone happy the 17th of December that year was the most stressful day of my entire life my mostly it was mostly self perpetuated which I understand now work school events emptying our house and both of the children had flu my work friend watched the children for a moment while I went to run an errand and whilst I was getting into my car another car came skidding around the corner on the ice and scooped me up onto her bonnet suddenly everything was in slow motion and I was looking into the eyes of the driver I felt really sorry for her first of all because she just looked terrified and then I had a feeling of just total surrender like I was about to die and there was nothing I could do about it I fell off her car bonnet and hit my head on the side of the road and blacked out the driver was in the hand and she managed to stop her car further down the road due to bad weather conditions and our location my dad’s truck was a better option than the ambulance I was in and out of consciousness that came around on the journey to the hospital my left tibia was crushed on impact to the car and I needed an operation to save my leg so I was admitted to hospital they took bone from my hip to build up the tibia and I had a plate and some screws to hold it all in place on top of that a full leg plaster and steady stream of morphine a hospital stay all over the Christmas period my life was complete completely turned upside down but I was really grateful to still have it and what struck me the most about that time with all of the medical professionals kept saying you’re so young we can do this or you’re young so we need to make sure that we do this and it just surprised me because after my life so far I felt like I was anything but y’all slowly but surely after that life became near enough unbearable I was stuck in heavy full leg plaster and crutches on a bed in my mum and dad’s garden shed which they called the Garden Room which luckily had a toilet and a sink thank goodness and it was the middle of winter I was in a lot of pain and unable to do very little for myself let alone do anything for my children they were sleeping upstairs in the house and I couldn’t get up there to read them a story and say goodnight then it was really awful now I’m had to keep working night and day to pay for everything on his own because I was out of work and we had to rely on others to take care of the children and pay child care and stuff I coordinated everything from my beds and asking other people to do things for me was the worst thing ever my dad threw his everything into finishing that house working was his way of dealing with things so his way of helping was getting on with that so that we could move back in there mum had started off helpful and involved but I could tell that the enthusiasm was quickly running out and we began to feel unwelcome in that house a lot happened between me and my family during this time I was at my lowest and in need of help which allowed people who should have been there for me to behave in ways I’d never seen before to such degree it wouldn’t be appropriate or smart to go into details about those events at this time mostly because it would invite negativity into my life now and in the future which that one needs however I will say that emotional manipulation is one of the worst kinds of bullying to endure especially when it’s coming from the people who you should be able to rely on for love when it’s needed I don’t often talk about my lack of a close relationship with the women I grew up with for a lot of people it’s one of the worst things ever to speak disrespectfully of family especially the woman who brought you into this world and in many cases I would agree with that and by talking about it you also run the risk of sounding as though you’re the one with the problem especially when it’s hidden narcissistic style behavior type when everyone else sees a nice version of them that you Burt right is right and wrong is wrong there are bad and good people in this world and are plenty more in between and they all have to be related to someone so if you’re one of those people in the same situation as me I get it I totally get it I’m just really glad that none was there even after his upbringing he couldn’t be he couldn’t believe the behavior he was seeing and finally I had someone on my side to see what I had always experienced and thank goodness he was there we finally moved back into our home our new improved little house was amazing there was still work to do when we moved in and it’s still not finished but it was the loveliest place either of us liftin after to further operations to my leg physio therapy exercise and determination I was able to walk again and pick up my babies from school and nursery the rest of the healing started to begin and as my physical health improved my mental health needed a lot of attention I couldn’t sleep I had a regular panic attacks and was depressed and completely distracted at times I could make the dinner from start to finish and afterwards couldn’t remember a moment of it then the most amazing thing happened to me I found you or my insight he was sky-high and I would wake up at 3 a.m. wide awake quite often I remembered years ago that me and my ex-boyfriend used to fall asleep each night to tapes of the gun show an old BBC show from the 1950s the Foley sounds and the voices used to send me off easily so I searched for background sounds and relaxation videos eventually ASMR videos came up discovering the name for my tingles was incredible in so many ways it felt so my whole life that made sense up to that point I found my people and I didn’t feel so different anymore I started sleeping through the night after a while I found the clarity of mind and the courage to get help for my anxiety and was diagnosed with severe PTSD I didn’t feel sad about it at all at that time once I knew what it was and that it wasn’t my fault after a course of CBT with the most amazing therapist my symptoms near enough went away I still have the odd symptom now but I’m so much more self aware and I know how to manage myself if it wasn’t for being run over by a car and everything that happened since I would never have learned self-care and the importance of that I’d been pushed to such a point with my family that I couldn’t be in their presence anymore without starting a panic attack which meant I had to minimize contact and that really helped a lot about six months later I started making a few here’s some other videos of my own to make friends and to be more involved in the community aside from being a mum and for meeting them this has to be hands down the best thing that ever happened to me life became really fun after that gnome and I started making more time for socializing and our group of friends grew we had so many good times and we met families with similar age children it was nice to do our own thing and to put all of the stress behind us finally it was good to have the space to heal however it wasn’t meant to last we must have had a few more life lessons to learn because there was much more drama on the way and what I’m about to say isn’t the last of it either so thank you for listening miss frost here goes I ended up in an impossible situation and one that I wouldn’t wish on anyone and it’s the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to deal with even after everything I’ve just said there was family in our social group that stood out to everyone else and not for good reasons each other family seemed to have something they weren’t comfortable with some little things some pretty worrying but no one dared assume the worst the children from different families started reporting events back to their parents and things that had made them uncomfortable and unfortunate unfortunately our son had an experience we had to act on there’s a heck of a lot to this story lots of events that there will be no point going into now but suffice to say that after taking advice from someone qualified and a lot of soul-searching I made a report to the authorities I’ll never forget how terrifying the phone call was but they assured me it was serious and they needed to investigate the investigation was complete force the parents were alerted to reports but nothing more was done for over a month and due to staff shortages they only looked into it for the minimum amount apparently that’s quite a common occurrence for cases in rural areas and it’s such a massive shame this made the situation worse and when the parents discovered that it was me that made the call they went on the attack they tried everything they could to deflect back onto me using people in the community making up stories about me telling lies thankfully after all the work I had done for the children’s groups and other community projects lots of people knew me and knew me to be quite the opposite to the person they were describing so the plan didn’t work so well however the mother threatened my life which was really scary she also called my close friends and threatened various levels of violence towards me the father would stand and stare at my children’s in the school playground and block my way on the pavement outside school they are wealthy you see and their close friends with a lawyer who tried to intimidate me at a community event all of this stuff was reported and don’t worry I am safe now but it was a difficult time for sure since then another separate incidents nothing to do with me someone else apparently another incident happened and another report was made I can’t finish with a conclusion to the matter but as far as I know it’s still ongoing however I will say and this is the purpose of me telling this story that if anyone any of you are ever in the same position if you ever witness something you know isn’t right Child Protection is the number one priority and incidents like these should never be ignored but please please don’t forget how important your protection is to always make sure you’re safe and that you have support by your side because you will need it so throughout all of this time I was making my ASMR videos the strength and the relaxation I got from that was immense spending time with you all was an escape from the stress for me and thank goodness for it I didn’t tell many of my friends about the channel and certainly not family I think when you’re so used to not talking to people about the tingles it didn’t seem like something I needed to mention and it was just my little hobby anyway however I thought I’d start to mention it to my friends my channel was growing a bit and I was just really proud of it a close friend at that time I just relocated her family to LA and I missed her so much there’d been so many stressful events in my life and we hadn’t been on holiday since Nam and I got married so I decided that we go poornam had to stay behind and work but he said go ahead and enjoy yourself I really needed a break and it was an exciting opportunity for the children I decided to tell my friends about my channel when we got there it was so great seeing her the children really missed each other too and na was fantastic just hanging around doing normal stuff taking the kids to school shopping driving around we had a trip to Disney as well it was brilliant everything was going so well until I told her about my channel and I also told her that I wanted to take layouts to go meet another content creator she tried to understand about ASMR but had a really hard time and the rest of the trip was so tricky I tried to keep the energy up that we were just not welcome at all after that I couldn’t wait to get back on that plane and go home to Nome she and I spoke afterwards and apparently she thought it was narcissistic of me to put myself on YouTube she said it was sad and I must be missing something in my home life to want to do something like a Samar it was such a big kick in the teeth for me and I was absolutely devastated mostly because I couldn’t believe that I had continued for so long to allow such awful people into my life I loved everyone despite their faults but I was learning then that there needs to be a limit and I had to stop allowing people to hurt me from that moment on I did a complete evaluation of everyone in my life I studied everything I could find out about narcissists and sociopaths and became much more aware of what personality type I am and why I behaved the way I did for so long I realized that I had been a victim of my extroverted highly sensitive personality through sheer lack of understanding self-love and confidence I vowed then to turn it into an advantage from now on I know half the most wonderful very small group of friends close by people who have been there through all of it and they know me inside out and then there’s you guys some of you I have met some of you I know of and many that I don’t but I know that you’re there and I know you’re listening and I know that you feel and that’s so important and this means the world I have one more story to tell and one I have promised a few times before but it’s just never been the right time um but now you know my past I believe it is the right time and now you’ll be able to understand it all and that I am able to explain it properly so this is a story of what happened to my wedding ring and my engagement rings after the big storm that had been mined and lands life so long there were suddenly calm the odd ripple here in there but nothing we couldn’t handle none and I had been through so much together and we worked so hard we put ourselves through a lot over the years and we’d been very hard on ourselves we went over and above what was necessary at times too and we attracted heartache into our lives and ultimately our day-to-day relationship there was a lot we had come up against as a couple and we got into the habit of acting out our frustrations on each other me quietly building resentment from unresolved disagreements and him reacting to all of the pressures we’d had around us impatient and resisting what is became his default and I always knew he hadn’t processed his past not fully my life had changed incredibly I went through a lots of personal growth side had therapy I learned a lot and my eyes were just wide open nam and I had finally achieved what we set up to all of those years ago we had somewhere nice to raise our children we had and albeit modest but steady income with which to do it – absolutely beautiful children the most loving of friends and we were still not happy not in a day to day sense we’d always said things will be better when this happens or things will be better when we have this or when we have that but when was now and everything was the same just prettier looking and we had kitchen cupboards and the boiler that worked finally we agreed to separate there were lots of frustrations and heated discussions of course but we knew it was the right thing to do we were all sad the children included they were involved in the discussions as well and it was important for us to listen to them and keep them just involved in what was happening so that they didn’t feel like they were left out and that they weren’t in control at all we took our wedding rings off and nem moved out of our home I had Mia and Beau during the week and he had them at the weekends which is when I filmed my videos and I have to say that I said a little was and how hard it was being poor again though I’m quite good at being poor and how lonely I was at times I couldn’t remember ever feeling so much peace and calm the children flourished in the atmosphere and that the weekends they had a lot of fun with their dad he’s never spent that much time with the money zone before and he bonded with them in a way that he’d never had the time or the patience to he’d always been a really loving dad and he always really loved and adored his children children but all of their practical care had previously been my job so suddenly he had to know their timetable their homework what was going on with their friends everything I became the most centered I had ever been in my life and with the love and support from you guys who never knew anything other than that I had removed my rings I just couldn’t be anything but strong I was finally taking care of myself and it just felt really good it was touch and go for a while but now eventually took control and he pulled through he never missed childcare payments would agreed to he always kept his word with the childcare arrangements and got himself into therapy which was so important in fact the same lady who treated my PTSD he went to see her her name is Lorraine and she’s our Savior she’s an amazing woman he also gave me the space I needed which was just right I did yoga every day I lost weight started studying sound therapy and Reiki there were even more hours in the day it was just amazing I was on top of everything at home it was lovely after therapy lots of time patience healing and growth now completely turned everything around and we started to fall in love again just like we did when we first met but with much more understanding and maturity it felt like we had pressed the reset button and we could build a relationship that we both wanted through everything we had learned we got to show our children that if things aren’t right then you fix them and how to do that properly eventually after lots of dates on our own and with the children having fun together and being a team now move back into our little house and we became the best family we could be Nia and Beau are really proud of us for making things better everyone is respected and we purposefully show kindness to each other nothing and no one is perfect and we still have the odd disagreements but nothing big nothing big at all and now we have a way through with love and patience we just come to a compromise and we could never do that before we were just so busy and focused on other things that we just weren’t doing things right above all now neither of us want to have the same experience as we did before and we’ll never again allow outside influences to affect our day-to-day happiness as a couple and a family I’m the love and support he’s never had from anyone in his entire life and he’s my protector and he’s my home we saved each other when we met and we’ve been taking care of each other ever since even when we were apart now has always supported me in anything I want to do and he thinks you’re all really wonderful he enjoys it when I read the comments to him all the nice things that you say I sit and read them to him quite often and he has a really big heart and he appreciates all of them some of you have said in the past that they’d be quite spoke stepping out of the tingle sheds at night after filming well I’m not taking on the dark either so he waits for me to finish recording and he helps me back into the house just so you know he doesn’t get tingles and sometimes tries to give me ideas for videos he’s getting he’s getting a bit better with that but um yeah some of his ideas are quite for me Mia doesn’t feel tingle Ivor but baragas and he loves me to stroke his hair to sleep and he loves me to draw on his back so I do that feeling quite often so I’ll finish this rather long video now and tell you a few things I can see in the future just to finish off on a super positive note and I feel like if I say it here then it’s definitely going to happen ok I’m going to continue to show anyone and everyone how wonderful ASMR is I’ve experienced people in my local area gossiping about my youtube channel I think I may have spoken about this before I’ve said all kinds of different things one woman even came up to me and said that she’s been watching my porn channel and I’ve been told that people have passed my videos around the local pub do you name it I’ve seen it but you know what I don’t care about that stuff one bit those people just make me more determined to keep going and my mission is to make it so that no one ever feels embarrassed to talk about their love for tingles or for some more videos to family and friends I will continue to make videos until you guys tell me it’s time to stop then my dream is to build an ASMR residential retreat center I went to find a beautiful green space and have Mongolian yurts for accommodation a community space therapy rooms and a vegan cafe and with the proceeds from that I would like to fund a project to rescue children from the streets and to give them a home education and lots of love so I hope to set up a foundation for that I know it’s going to happen and I know that when the time comes you guys will be supportive and I’m so excited about that I expect I’m about halfway through my life now everything I believe up to this point spin to teach me how to live the next half and I intend to do it consciously so I thank you so so much from the bottom of my heart for everything and there isn’t really much for me to say no apart from sweet dreams and goodnight you you

100 thoughts on “Draw My Life | Emma WhispersRed | ASMR

  1. I'm not really sure what to say here! Other than I hope that at least one person gains something positive from my life experiences. This video kind of signifies a closing of a chapter and the start of a new for me. I hope you can join me on the next leg of the journey. The story I promised to tell a long time ago is at the end. If you can make it that far, here is your medal! 🥇 with love, what else is there? XX Emma XX

  2. You are such a beautiful soul Emma, and I love that you didn't give into the sad things that have happened in your life.. You just became this amazing and compassionate person. What happened to you is awful, but it seems to have made you into this strong woman. I'm just so proud of you. I know you have no idea who I am, but I am sending you so much love and positive thoughts. <3

  3. I’ve only just seen this, you have had a very interesting life! … I can sure relate to your family stuff! .. hearing how you changed careers and succeeded in so many roles, I can now understand how you managed to pull that wonderful ASMR night together in London! Thanks for sharing Emma x

  4. I can relate to you so much after hearing all of this. Please know that your videos are the would to us! Your videos help me sleep, calm me down in times of frustration, and keep me relaxed when life is overwhelming. Thank you for everything you do!

  5. What a bizarre and tragic story. I pray an believe it is the result of your tremendous creative imagination. Other than that I cannot imagine what to say—-!

  6. I was very touched by your story Emma and applaud the courage it takes to share yourself with the world in such an honest and open fashion. I am happy to know that ASMR has improved your life as you certainly improve the lives of others. You are a lovely human being and I thank you for sharing that with the world. ASMR is a genuine tool that works well for information, relaxation and calming. I am a therapist and was introduced to it by a client a few years ago. I have been enjoying it ever since and have shared it with many clients, although, unfortunately for them, many people just don't get it. I recently have been struggling and came across your video for anxiety and it was like a little oasis on the middle of a storm for me. Bright Blessings and joy to you.

  7. I truly admire you Emma. It's not easy to be such a kind and strong person after so much hardship.
    Please don't ever stop making videos, I watch you every night. I hope to visit your beautiful place when established. I just hope it's not out of my reach because I'm also good at being poor Haha

  8. Emma, I’m shuttered to pieces, I’m completely shook and have got no clue how I’ll sleep after this. Each time I complain on my working and studying life….I have to remember that there are people out there, just like you, who can’t even afford a vacation. And still you struggle, do not complain and go on, and keep working. I admire you.

  9. I have had similar issues with my aunts since my mum died, which affected mine and my dads relationship, it has only now started to heal and my mum died 5 years ago. I will keep you in my prayers Emma. We all love you. Thank you for sharing your life with us xxx

  10. You Emma are the strongest woman and survival . God bless you always and beyond. These are just things to proof your strength in life. And you have come out strongest. Hugs Beloved Emma.

  11. I adore you I'm going to have to play this story for my husband. I was pushed away by my godmum (red haired Irish descent lady) who is a super kind person bc her daughter despised me. Being around someone gentle I remember in a way, around someone nurturing through these videos really does help one keep in touch with that feeling. Thank you so much.

  12. dont feel bad, i have a mother who has told me on multiple occasions that she hates me. and everyone thinks she's just wonderful.

  13. “I love you but I just don’t like you” is Page 10 of the Narcissists Handbook. I heard it constantly growing up. Eventually the “I love yous” just stopped and my mother thought I was weak when I asked. It never got better. I left the country.

  14. Really insperational story/journey. ❤️❤️❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️🥰❤️. 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦
    Your asmr videos really make a difference. Thank you

  15. I felt the same as you growing up with my mom. If and when I tried to talk to her or addressed my feelings she will say 'stop feeling sorry for yourself'

  16. OMG what an amazing story. Thank you so much for sharing this. You are an amazing person and I absolutely love your channel xxx

  17. wow what a story emma , like you i have walked the long dark path of poverty , im also a mum and ive had to give up so much just to make sure my kids have what they need and i will continue to do so , i can relate so much to your story as i have had a very dark and lonely up bringing and suffer with anxiety and PTSD , and your videos have helped me so much over the past 6 -7 months when i discovered ASMR, what you do for us is so wonderful , and you are a wonderful lady emma , keep up the great work and keep inspiring, lots of love <3 and thank you again for sharing this story with us xxxx

  18. why do people feel the need to be so horrible, it’s awful. insanely proud of you emma, your story is amazing and you deserve to live happily ❤️❤️

  19. Stumbled across your videos trying to find something to help me sleep..I knew almost instantly that you were very genuine..I wish a lot of these other young ladies performing ASMR videos would realize there's no need to make them sexual..Thank you for everything you do!! And thank you for sharing!! May God bless your family and may he bless your BEAUTIFUL Soul 😘

  20. Wow, Emma. You're incredible.
    I understand NPD abuse. Even in the family. I left nearly everyone I ever knew behind. I'm so sorry. We love you so much!

  21. AMAZING. You are simply AMAZING. You were the very first person to ever introduce me to asmr when u went on loose women. I have looked up to you ever since. I will be there at ur retreat centre because you will make that happen. X

  22. Some of the stuff that's happened to you
    Is sad but I understand that you had a difficult time but it's ok so I really understand you

  23. Thank you for being a creator and for being that loving, calming voice that sends us to sleep when nothing else works. Thank goodness for you and the ASMR community – you help us get restful sleep without chemicals. I’m constantly amazed that content is free to watch.

  24. I only recently found out what my seemingly random tingly feelings meant (when I googled it, I was told that I had bad circulation *eyeroll*) and I'll never forget what it was like to meet a girl at uni who asked me if I liked ASMR. I'd never met anyone who got tingles like me and most of my other friends thought ASMR was eating pickles in front of a mic. Please never stop making videos, they're the only way I can sleep at night and you're my favourite ASMRtist!! Lots of love <3

  25. I was supposed to revise for my exams but couldn't stop watching 😂🤷‍♀️ I really hope you and your family are doing great now xx

  26. omg emma!!! you’re the strongest woman, a true role model. thank you for following your passions despite what closed minded people may say. you’re helping tons of people and spreading truth and peace around the world. I CRIED watching this and feel for you and the pain you’ve endured and i was soooo happy when you got back together with Nam, by the way you spoke about him I knew he was your soulmate. your ASMR videos are my favorite and have helped ease my anxiety so much and help me look forward to going to bed which I never want to do. I also very much understand your situation with your cold mother as I grew up with one myself, but she’s learning and getting better and more comforting, luckily. I am so excited for this new chapter in your life. I LOVE YOU!!!!

  27. so touching Emma what you say at beginning♥ (and all of course), thankyou so for all you give:) and understand-relate deeply with your experiences, much thanks

  28. This is my second time watching this after watching it awhile ago…and it still hits me with a potent tear at the self growth of Emma, and the journey to self love, climbing the peaks of life challenges and combating them….Way to go Emma xxx

  29. omg, what an emotional story. I cried … so happy that your family is happy together. I wish I could give you a big warm hug right now. Wish you all the best, much love and happiness to you and your family.

  30. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. You have reminded me of what we suffer for by the hero, healer, and beautiful loving woman you bloomed into. My tears tonight have fallen into a shimmery pond of faith 🥰
    I would be honored to share in return for the sanctuary you bring. With Love :

    https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=DJPPwrSFQtQ

  31. Dearest Emma tell your husband he's a lucky guy to have you. When God Made You he broke the mold not only that you're gorgeous and beautiful on the outside you're also gorgeous and beautiful on the inside and helping a lot of us and I understand what you mean by the tingles in the neck I had them as a child also I understand what you mean. I deeply thank you for all that you do for everyone.❤

  32. Hey! Watching/listening to your story filled me with emotions. I've had a very different upbringing and life in general but, amazingly, there are some coincidences. I had a very long hiatus with my partner after being very happy for 8 years. Now, like you, we have got back together. It's unbelievable and I've been very happy. However, I wish I could feel less resentful and damaged. I know I am an interesting, kind, pretty, smart and creative woman, but still for some reason I feel insecure and I hate it…
    Apart from that, I have to tell you that after a full year of insomnia and feeling unease, I started watching ASMR videos. I'm from Uruguay but as an English teacher, I developed a preference towards videos in English… Your videos gave me back my peace and now I sleep very well again, even when I'm a bit upset. So, above all I wanted to truly thank you!
    =)
    Ana

  33. The story of a perfect ! cause imperfect ! natural unique gorgeous wonderful soul ! As everyone’s……remember you are loved 💫
    Thx 🧡 for sharing !
    Greetings from Germany ☀️

  34. I’m like Emma in a way. Music and band is my life and I can’t imagine life without it. My life would be so boring without it.

    Btw I was shocked when I found out that Emma’s hair isn’t naturally red.

  35. I have seen many Draw my life videos but this one was different This was really touching and it is long but really Nice

  36. What a story, thank you for being so honest and open. You’ve achieved so much, well done for being so resilient and brave. ❤️❤️❤️ I feel motivated to keep trying so thank you. I’m excited to see what your future brings and I’m sure it’s going to be amazing Xxxx

  37. Thank you so much for sharing. I'm so sorry awful people made their way into your life. You are so strong and for every 1 person who disliked you i think theres about a thousand who love you. You have helped so many people and I am so thankful for you and your videos. This has made me just love you all the more. Thank you Emma. PS. The part where you met Nam I was SO excited and giddy! LOL <3

  38. i was born in lancaster and i’ve lived here since, so i understand completely why you’d want to get away

  39. I doubt you’ll see this but I wanted to thank you for sharing your life with us. I’ve only discovered ASMR in the last 18 months. My true strength comes from God but it has helped with my chronic pain issues and all that goes with that. You have been my favorite and such a lovely blessing. Joy to you and your family.

  40. Awww Emma! Thank you so much for your honesty and openness. It is Amazing to me how positive and how much light you have after so many painful life experiences. You are a wonderful and strong and determined woman! I love your videos and I just can’t believe how people have been so mean to you and not supportive. I didn’t know what ASMR was until I met you and I love what I have learnt and the relaxation that I have experienced.so Thank you! Much love to you!❤️❤️❤️❤️

  41. I know this is a rather old one but. I am so moved by your story. I'm rather shy and I dont want to bother you with a long couple of paragraphs about what I think or see you as but. To put it simply. On a long night of no sleep and rocking on this scary cliff edge of change and personal growth, this gave me the strength to be better. To bloom even when I don't know what the weather has in store for my little family just yet.

    You and Nam are truly beautiful and inspiring.

  42. This was the most touching, inspiring, amazing video I have ever watched. Normally I'm not a big fan of long videos, but I related to many of these things. You're an amazing person, I just know that. You've been through so much and you still keep on thriving. ❤️❤️❤️ Thank you, thank you for this video. I'm so sorry for what has happened, but the only thing I can do is to wish an incredible life for you and your family ❤️

  43. I cant listen anymore to your hardship ive reached the part about your wedding ring and stopped so sad what had happend to you, im hoping its a happy ending, uour voice is succulent for asmr i first heard you doing hotel check in and wow, you would be great at kids bedtime stories, you couldnt have picked a better country to chise your partner i visit twice a year, and they are so accomadating, warm, kind people who WANT to know you

  44. This was such a touching story! You’ve had a beautiful journey, Emma. I’ve never seen a Draw My Life quite like this one, and I’m so thankful you shared this with us. I’m so proud of you and I can see why you shine so brightly. ♥️

  45. I actually just wanted to have a little nap and found you an bo and fell asleep. When I woke up, your story was on and I couldn't stop listening, crying and laughing. I don't know you and your family but there must be so much love and I'm glad there are still people like you and your husband! That's what really makes you believe in love and friendship!
    Thanks so much for having the courage to share all this with the world, I know that this will help lots of people! Please never stop doing asmr. Don't let anyone take this away from you! You are a great person!!

  46. Honestly, so many people who make videos like this seem to have perfect and happy lives and it makes me sound bitter but I hate it; I can't relate at all and all it does for me is remind how shit my childhood was.
    I can appreciate and respect this so much more; thank you for being real and honest.

  47. You are amazing! It's incredible that you're so confident with yourself to share all of this with us, it goes to show that even the happiest of people have gone through hell and you're awesome, keep up the good work you're so amazing xxxx

  48. What an interesting story of your life, especially seeing the drawings. Thank you so much for sharing this with us. I'm a very big fan of your ASMR videos, too.

  49. I only now realized this was on here! I loved hearing about your life. You and your family are so beautiful. Thank you Emma!

  50. Watching this in 2019. You’re such an inspiration Emma. Thank you so much for sharing. I feel so much love for you

  51. Just a wonderful video, you’ve gone through so much. Thanks for all you do. I can completely relate to the Mother- Sister thing. Lots of love xxx 🥰

  52. I can never imagine you with short hair. You have such long beautiful hair. I wish I had your hair. My hair has always been above my shoulders and never grows much.

  53. Thanks for sharing your story, I would have never guessed, what an amazing trek you've had so far. I hope you build the ASMR Retreat, that would be incredible.

  54. You Are An An Angel I felt your pain you never think you been though all thought bless you my beautiful friend love to meet you when I come UK I cried other some the issues you faced because of your calming voice I listen all night I listen to you on Spotify I fall asleep I wake up your still on you are amazing I'm so glad you got nam

  55. Very touching and very moving story.  Got a lump in my throat.  Thank you for sharing your stories.  You are very inspirational to me at this point in my life too and have been a great help with trying to overcome many of life's challenges and during difficult times.  I would love to do what you do!.  Look at where you have come from.  Wow! xoxo

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