DRAW MY LIFE – Anthony Padilla

DRAW MY LIFE – Anthony Padilla

I removed my last Draw My Life because so
much in my life has changed and I feel like it’s finally time to talk about it. So here we go. I was an accident. My parents had me when they were really young. My mom was 20 and my dad was 22. They broke up when I was only two, so I don’t
really remember them being together… ever. Growing up I was always really jealous of
all the kids who got to live with both their parents. I lived with my mom but I’d go to my dad’s
on the weekends. When I’d get to my dad’s I’d cry to
see my mom. And when I’d get back to my mom’s I’d
cry to see my dad. I apparently loved crying. I was a painfully shy kid – I’d cry whenever
I’d get any kind of attention. Yep that’s me crying again. I also suffered from night terrors, which
is basically being aware you’re sleep walking but not being able to control yourself while
you’re sleep walking. And as the name indicates – they were absolutely
fucking terrifying. My mom is a stay at home mom. Literally. She suffers from a form of anxiety so intense
she hasn’t really been able to leave for the past 25 years. One night when I was 13, my mom’s boyfriend
said he was going to work… and he never came back… leaving my two brothers, my mom
and me behind. Since my mom didn’t leave the house, we
had no way to get food or go to the hospital… My grandma moved in to help for a little bit,
but she suddenly became very, very sick and she died. Now with no one left to help, it became my
responsibility to get groceries for my family. Since I was 14, I had to take a four wheeled
taxi to the grocery store – not a six wheeled taxi like I’m drawing right now, unfortunately. It wasn’t that cool. I’d roll up with food stamps in one hand
and a shopping list in the other. I had no idea what it said. I was 14 years old, I could barely read english
at that point – I was only 14. But, things weren’t all bad. I had a few friends, including one boy who
shared the same immature sense of humor as me. He was one of the only people I felt I could
truly be myself around. His name was Ian. There were a few girls that liked me too,
by which I mean one girl poked my penis in a movie theatre one time and ran away one
time. You know, normal stuff that all of us teens
did. I was able to coast through high school, until
I was 15 when I was diagnosed with Henoch-Schönlein purpura, or HSP for short. It’s basically a disease that causes your
immune system to attack it’s own red blood vessels, which causes you to have extreme
joint pain, intestinal pain, a really intense rash and constant puking. Suddenly I was bed-ridden. I lost 30 pounds in two weeks and I was really
malnourished. I couldn’t go to school anymore so a teacher
had to come once a week so I wouldn’t fail. But being sick gave me a ton of free time. I was able to start learning how to code on
a computer – I started working on a website, which was a forum for my closest group of
friends without having to leave the house. This was before social media so I wanted to
create something useful that we could all use. I called it smosh.com. After four months, I started getting better. I’ll always technically have HSP but thankfully
it’s remained dormant and I haven’t seen any signs of it since. I was able to return back to school and things
were looking up. The website I had created started gaining
popularity outside my friend group and the whole school was using it. I went from 30 daily users to tens of thousands
within a few months. I sold some ad space on the site to make some
money and I saved up a bunch and was finally able to buy a really shitty car. But at least I didn’t have to take a cab
to the grocery store anymore. One day when we were waiting for college to
start, I started lip syncing to the Power Rangers theme song. I don’t know why I did it but for some reason
we thought it was really funny and Ian joined in and we filmed it. We posted it on smosh.com. Our friends loved it so much, they convinced
us to make another one. So we did. That video blew up. People re-posted the video file all over their
own MySpaces which was super exciting but also super expensive. I was paying for the bandwidth on smosh.com,
so basically every time someone watched the video, I had to pay a small amount for the
server load. At the height of it, I was paying 300 dollars
a month for people to watch our videos. One day I googled ourselves and found that
someone had uploaded our newest video onto a new site called YouTube. It had about a dozen comments, which was really
amazing because it was the first time I was able to see what people directly thought about
our videos. I was getting pretty tired of paying for people
to stream our videos, so we made a smosh YouTube channel and started uploading our videos there. I remember when our first video got 100,000
views. We were so excited. We celebrated by going to Taco Bell and getting
six tacos. I loved tacos more than probably anything. We turned my bedroom into a little merch factory
so we were able to make money selling shirts while we stayed in college. After two years, Youtube contacted us to be
part of their first wave of their ad program. So we were finally able to make money on our
videos. After about six months, we dropped out of
college so we could do YouTube full-time. It seemed while we could always go back to
college, we couldn’t always come back this amazing opportunity. Spoiler alert: we never had to go back to
college. Somehow I had ended up in front of the camera
— the shy kid who just loved to sit in his bedroom coding was now starring in comedy
sketches being viewed by millions of people. Things were really good until suddenly they
weren’t. When I was 21, I was sitting around with a
couple friends when out of nowhere I became overcome with fear — my entire body went
numb. I could only hear the deafening sound of my
thoughts and the beating of my heart, like the world around me was no longer real. I remember going to sleep full clothed that
night because my hands felt too numb to take them off. It was my first of many panic attacks. It unlocked a door in my brain I couldn’t
shut again. I was terrified my mom’s agoraphobia was
genetic and I’d never be able to leave the house again. I even had a few panic attacks while shooting
videos, which caused me to have even more anxiety, because what if my anxiety ruined
this career I had just started. For five years it more or less controlled
me. But one day when I was completely overcome
with the fear of having a panic attack, I decided I was going to try to give myself
one, just to see if I could control it. I wasn’t able to give myself one, which
just proved that, for me, the only thing that caused me to have panic attacks was the fear
f having a panic attack. Ever since then I was able to prevent them
from happening in the first place. When I was 25, I moved to Los Angeles. At the time, I was in a manipulative relationship
with someone that I now feel was using me. I was so thoroughly walked on, I would seek
approval from her for every aspect of my life, causing me to lose who I really was. My confidence was at an all time low — And
as all toxic relationships go, I didn’t really realize how bad it really was until months
after it ended. I now feel I’ve transitioned back into being
myself but a version of myself I’m even happier with. I feel like I’ve grown more in the past
year than I have in my entire life. I’ve learned some lessons the hard way (like
maybe keeping my romantic life a little more private) but ultimately, I’ve learned not
only who I want to be, but that who I am now is okay too. I’ve accepted being introverted and having
anxiety – I mean, who doesn’t sometimes? Thank you so much for all the support you’ve
given me, and I can’t wait to see where it takes us next.

100 thoughts on “DRAW MY LIFE – Anthony Padilla

  1. “I was an accident , my parents got me when they were werry young (20 and 22) “

    Me: my parents got me when they were 16 and 20 and wanted abortion but faild ;-;

  2. My dad just left me and my mum has cancer and life sucks so please send me money so I can pay my mum’s cancer treatment because I don’t have any

  3. Anthony's life is basically a replica of my life except with changes like my mom doesn't have anxiety but is a stay at home mom and my dad and mom split up when I was 4 or 5 not 2

  4. For some reason I don’t remember watching this video but I still remember everything that happened in it.

  5. ⚠️⚠️🔞🔞🚱🚱👨🏿👨🏿👨👨🎱🎱🎱🌝🌝🌞🌞🙊🙊🙉🙉🙈🙈😀😀🙁🙁👨🏿☝️👨🏿☝️👨☝️👨🏿☝️👨🏿☝️🙊☝️🙊☝️🙊🙊☝️🚱🙁🚱🚱💯💯🌚🌚🌚🚱🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚🌚

  6. I have the exact same story as him (but only see my dad on Saturday) and my grandad is swapped 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

  7. Yeah the fear of freaking out is a lot worse then actually doing it. My panic makes me flail my arms and in intention to hurt something bad. Like my poor Floof puppy that had a bee on his butt, I went out to save him but he bit it off and was fine…lol

  8. Thank "you" for sharing your experience and wisdom with us! We're the same age (May 87) so ,the most part of your story was relatable to me!

  9. And right now I'm experiencing a stressful and tough time of my life, so this video was just what I needed
    Thanks again

  10. Well, I can say that this was very inspiring! <3 Like, I can relate in many ways, with difficult childhood, being introverted and fighting anxiety and well, you are another example how somebody can fight whole set of difficulties and find something that can made them happy. Woo, I even cried at some parts of this vid. And it's funny, because I have known more about Smosh and its vids in last two weeks, long time after you left it, so I am not within all 'missing Anthony' drama. Just everybody needs to do what makes them happy the most, and it's normal to not feeling good with their own creation being very big company now. Just greetings and be inspiring even more!

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