Okay, it’s the height of the morning rush hour here at downtown Nuuk. I am standing at one of only two traffic lights in the entire city. This one here and then of course there’s that one, down there. You got number one then you got number two, that pretty much explains it here at downtown Nuuk, as you can see traffic pretty heavy. Here comes Schluden, Schluden is always coming through in his Volkswagen. Schluden’s off, he always drives by. There goes Gluk. Gluk just went by. Gluk is in a big hurry this morning. You know Gluk, he’s gotta build that bird house. Back to you, Conan. It’s funny, it’s the only member of the paparazzi here in all of Greenland. (audience laughing) He’s never had anybody to shoot a photograph of and finally he’s got something to do. Who are you? My name is Cate Blanchett. I’m an actress. Really?
Yeah. Welcome to Greenland. Thank you. Next it was time to take my offer to buy Greenland to the government. (knocking on door) Hello. Hello Mr. O’Brien. How are you? Pele Broberg. As you know, our president, Trump, would like to purchase Greenland and make it part of the United States. I am here to facilitate the negotiation. Tell me, how do we make this happen? If anybody is to sell Greenland, it’s Greenlanders and Greenland, not Denmark. So, I thank you very much for coming to the right place, at least. The second part of it, we haven’t advertised the property on any listings yet. I did take care of that this morning. Oh, you did? I went to a local real estate office, here in Nuuk. Our president has made a serious offer on this country. $1 trillion is the number we’re talking about. The commission is 6%. I will split it with you. It’s 30 billion for you, 30 billion for me. Okay, you don’t have to make another sale this year. 30 billion. (audience laughing) (audience applauds) Pleasure doing business with you. Welcome. Greenland is now for sale. As a member of parliament,
Yes. You do have power, you do have the ability to make things happen, and I’m prepared right now to hand over this Starbucks gift card. Fall is coming and the pumpkin spice latte mocha will be available. I’d also like to show you I’m serious and brought a special gift. This is 120 thousand US dollars. This is not my money. I don’t want to tell you where I got this money. Okay?
I can imagine. Let’s just say I borrowed it from some very bad people. And you did of course pay taxes importing it to Greenland. (audience laughing) That’s another thing I’d like to talk to you about. Okay. I took this into the country, illegally. I put myself in great jeopardy. I’m gonna leave this here for you. I would like the suitcase back because this is how I got my underwear into the country. Do we have a deal? No. This is harder than I thought it was going to be. This is Malene Rasmussen and she is a member of parliament and you are 24. That’s incredible. So young to have seized power. Good for you. You are the AOC of Greenland. Yeah.
That’s very cool. What would you like to do for Greenland? Get the youth Greenlanders, care more about politics. It’s an issue too, in the United States is getting young people involved in politics. I love your office, by the way. Thank you. I think you could use a little more stuff in here. You thinking about that? Would you like a picture of me in here? No. (audience laughing) You just said no immediately. I mean I have one right here. You could get this framed and it could be in your office. You don’t want this? No. I like the blue color but… You like the blue color but you don’t like my face? Yeah. That’s the most insulting thing anyone’s ever said to me. Look. Please, here. I will give you this money if you hang up my picture in your office. No. Unbelievable. Hey, this is Kim. How you doing Kim? Oh, great. You live here in Nuuk? Well, I’m born and raised up in Sisimiut which is an hour from here. Okay. With plane.
Oh. We don’t have roads between the cities here. I’ve noticed that there’s no roads between the cities. The only way you can get from one place to the other is in a plane, right? Yeah, exactly. How come they don’t build a road going from one place to the other? Well, it’s the Arctic, like Arnold Schwarzenegger says, “It’s the Arctic.” Yeah, yeah. That was a pretty good Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I’ve been learning that for a long time. Yeah, actually yours is almost too audible. You know what I mean, you gotta mess it up. It’s the Arctic. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. That’s pretty good. Try it again. Get to the chopper. Now give it more. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. Get to the chopper. No. No. No. No. No. What do you do Kim? Well I’m an artist. I carve walrus tusk and all that stuff which my grandfather catches. Oh, wow, that’s so cool. You probably read on the news that President Trump is interested in buying Greenland. What do you think of that? I’m getting the vibe that most people are happy the way things are. Yeah, they are. Yes, we don’t have wars, we don’t have like, huge politician issues with the other parts of the world. Right, you’re just a happy guy carving some walrus tusk. (laughs) Yeah. Right. Want to meet later on and have a little red wine? Carve some walrus tusk? Well, it depends on my wife. She’ll kill you or something like that. She knows how to handle weapons. Oh, you’re wife is good with weapons? Oh yeah. Yeah. Well, I proposed to her when she got her first musk ox. Boom.
You proposed to your wife when she killed her first musk ox. Yeah, exactly. And you said. On my knees. On your knees, “Will you marry me?” Yeah. I got a picture of it somewhere at home. (audience applauds) I made the ring. You made the ring? Was it made out of walrus tusk? Boom. So, you knew it was love when she killed a musk ox. More than love, that’s where you find out more than love. Right. I didn’t know there was more than love. Exactly. (audience laughing) I felt that way when my wife knew our Netflix sign in code. (Kim laughing) That’s the American equivalent. That’s when I knew this was the woman for me. You know? So, in a way, you and I are the same guy, aren’t we? I don’t know. (audience laughing) Sure, why not? Do you think I can make it here in this country? Do I seem man enough to you? (audience laughing) (audience laughing) Yeah, it’s all good. You could. Well this is exciting. Three high school students just approached me and they say that they would like to interview me for the school paper and discuss this issue of Trump buying Greenland. Is that correct gentlemen? Yes. And your names are? Liam.
Kasden. And Nojus. Nojus? Nojus, it’s Lithuanian.
Okay. I’m having a hard time with names here. So, I’m going to call you Schluden, Duden, and Luden. Okay, Schulden, Duden, Luden, Luden, Schluden, Duden. I just switched them interchangeably. You can call me Schteivy. Let’s begin. What are your questions? Do you think that it’s disrespectful that Trump comes with this offer to buy Greenland? It’s never disrespectful. He is a real estate genius. This man managed to open casinos in a very profitable area, where people love to gamble and they fail. That’s very hard to do. This man knows what he’s doing, okay. I don’t like most of Trump’s ideas. I think this one might be a good one. I love Greenland. We should have Greenland. Wouldn’t you like to have McDonald’s? It would be nice. Would you like McDonald’s? Okay, would you like Arby’s? I would. You shouldn’t have Arby’s. (audience laughing) I’m sorry, Arby’s. I don’t think Trump’s being disrespectful. All he’s saying is I want to buy your country. If I came to you right now and said, “Hey, I love your hat, I want to buy it.” Are you insulted? No.
No, you’re not. See?
I see. Yeah, yeah. Yes. If you don’t mind, I’d like to make a gift to you. I’d like to change the hat you’re wearing now for this hat, “Make America Greenland also.” (audience applauds) It should be America great. (audience applauds)