4 Steps To Make People Instantly Like You

4 Steps To Make People Instantly Like You

Graham Norton has what many people would consider their ideal charisma for two reasons — one, he doesn’t need to hog the spotlight in order to shine and two, he seems to have the ability to make anyone like him. From rock stars to movie stars to professional athletes
people from all walks of life seem to love being around him. By the way, this is the best time I’ve ever had on a talk show… Graham: Aww. Bless you.
Matt: …without a doubt. [Audience applauding] So today we’re going to talk about a four step formula that
Graham uses to make people love him even when he teases them and how you can use it to make yourself both funnier and more well-liked. The first thing that Graham Norton does with every
guest on his show is create a warm positive connection. Graham uses three main elements very early on to establish
this warm friendly vibe between him and his guests. The first two are smile and touch. What I like about Graham is that he reads his guests’
body language and calibrates his touch based on what he sees. Check out this clip where he greets Josh Widdicombe
with a handshake and Jeremy Renner with a hug. Graham: Hello, sir. [Audience applauding] Good to see you. Have a seat.
Josh: Hello, Graham. And now people, it’s Jeremy Renner! He’s so cool. Hello, sir. How are you doing? [Audience cheering]
Jeremy: Thank you. When we talk about touching, we often get asked,
“What if I’m not comfortable hugging?” I think this handshake is a great example of what to do. Graham gives a handshake, a pat on the back, and a pat
on the shoulder all in the span of just two seconds. The third element Graham uses to create that warm friendly
connection is he complements based on accomplishment. This will become very important in a minute when we talk
about how to tease someone and get them to laugh about it. Tom Hiddleston, have you had any bad reviews? No. Uh… [sighs] You make a man feel good, Graham. Notice how Graham Norton focuses on compliments
based around something you’ve worked hard to achieve. Remember that the goal of giving a compliment is to make the other person feel good. Just a couple months ago there were, Wembley Stadium, 90,000 people, broke sky box office records, showed in 140 countries, world heavyweight
champion, beating heavyweight champion beating Wladimir Klitschko and it’s an incredible, incredible achievements. [Audience applauding] Complimenting your favorite actor generically by saying, “Tom Hiddleston,+ you’re awesome,” isn’t going to make him nearly as happy as specifically complimenting him on the craft he’s worked for years to hone. By using a warm smile, calibrated touch, and compliments based on accomplishment, Graham creates a very friendly vibe almost instantly. This is a super important foundation to lay but if this were all you did, you know a lot of people are fairly lukewarm on you and not a lot of people clamouring to hang out with you again. That’s where Graham’s second step really helps out. He uses humor and laughter to make the other person feel joy around him. So much of what drives human action is ultimately
just the pursuit of happiness and pleasure. When we find something that makes us happy, we want more of it. And two very quick ways to create happiness in someone are
to make them laugh and to make them feel like you get them. Graham is excellent at using a wide range of vocal tonality and emotional expression to get a laugh even when
the words he’s saying aren’t necessarily funny. Watch out Will Smith and Toby Jones react to this simple sentence. What happens there? [Audience laughing] Here’s another quick example. His lines don’t seem
like much but watch the reaction he gets from the couch. …we use CGI arrows so then it could fire fast and towards stuff and do things that— Graham: But I see you fire a lot of arrows.
Jeremy: A lot of arrows, yeah. But it must be quite tiring. I mean you’re constantly… [Audience laughing] Now imagine if he had just said, “That’s a lot of arrows.” No one would laugh. But by using big gestures and moving your voice up and down and pitch to emphasize
your point, you can have people in stitches. …some on my drink—
Graham: No! Because it’s one of those stupid games; you’ll punch me. [Audience laughing] Where’s the fun in that? But Graham’s greatest skill might be laughing along with someone else’s joke. Watch him lose it after Mark Ruffalo takes a dig at Josh Widdicombe here. Josh, what are you most afraid of? I was gonna go with flying but I think I’ll go with, um— Girls over 12? [Audience laughs and cheers] [Graham laughing and applauding] He’s just so good-natured. He laughs a lot which makes him fun to be around and it makes other people feel good around him;
this is a skill that is hugely overlooked. When you laugh at someone else’s joke, you
make them feel like you’re listening to them and you make them feel like you get them. If this is something you want to get better at, I recommend
watching a wide variety of comedies, watch improv shows, stand-up, and don’t-laugh challenges on YouTube and find what makes you laugh. Don’t multitask and distract yourself from it. Spend at least an hour a week watching things that make you laugh out loud. Over time, you’ll find yourself laughing out loud more and
more as those neural pathways get reinforced over time. As someone who used to take everything in life very seriously, I know firsthand that laughter and happiness are
habits and the more you can cultivate that habit, the happier you’ll be and the more people will enjoy being around you. Because Graham Norton interviews three or four people at a time, he needs to be able to make his guests like him while
spending more time and listening than speaking. By smiling touching and laughing, you can create really
positive feelings towards you while saying very little. Now, another thing worth pointing out is that
Graham Norton is not dealing with normal people; he is interviewing the biggest movie stars and athletes on the planet so they can sometimes be difficult to connect with or difficult to open up. That’s where Graham’s third step comes in — he uses teasing and self-deprecation to get everyone on the same level. Car. Who cares? [Overlapping chatter from the guests] Yeah, your sensible shoes. Who cares? [Audience laughs] Playful teasing is what we do in our most intimate relationships. If you think of close family members and friend groups or even romantic relationships, most of them involve playfully giving each other a hard time. If you can effectively jump into this type of humor early on in a relationship, you immediately create a much more familiar feeling between the two of you. This is one of the biggest reasons why Graham’s guests are so laid back on the show. It’s hard to be uptight when you’re cracking up laughing while somebody teases you. As an example, here he is teasing Elizabeth Olsen about her role on The Avengers. So you’re just going… [Audience laughs] There was a lot of trust involved. [Audience laughs] We’ve got a picture of you without the special effects and you know what? It is… it’s not… even Jeremy Renner is really unimpressed. It looks like this woman is fleeing for her life. [Audience laughs] This is a dangerous type of joke to make because it
can easily be confused with putting someone down. But Graham avoids that by keeping it light. He wasn’t teasing something core to Elizabeth like
her acting skills; he’s simply poking fun at a silly pose. The two rules to keep in mind are — don’t attack someone’s identity and don’t tease something that is both unchangeable and important to them. Teasing someone is not the same as insulting
them and it should make the person laugh. Look at this clip with David Beckham for example. This one… okay, what was going on? [Audience laughing] Yeah, that was.. that was maybe a bad decision. Graham is teasing David’s past haircut which is a completely changeable feature and since Beckham is a well-known sex symbol who
has literally won People’s Sexiest Man Alive award, it’s a safe and funny joke that they can both laugh at. Going back to the example with Elizabeth Olsen,
there’s another important factor at play. This was around the release of Avengers age of Ultron where Elizabeth was playing a starring role in one of the biggest movies of the year. Graham even compliments the movie earlier in the interview. It is terrific; it does such a good job with this movie
and people will not be disappointed. It’s just fantastic By starting with such a sincere compliment,
Graham has established that he liked the movie which sets the stage for him to be able to tease little things without offending anyone. Here’s another example of grounding you’re teasing with a compliment with heavyweight boxing champion, Anthony Joshua. We’ve got a still of when you… when you slipped. [Audience laughs] You can see the position; I was like, “Vwoom.” Yeah! I mean, look. Obviously, there’s… there’s water there. [Anthony laughs] Look at how hard Anthony Joshua is laughing there. How is Graham Norton able to tease him about
being knocked down without upsetting him. It’s simple. Twenty seconds earlier, he praised him very heavily and sincerely and it’s a fight that Anthony won so he isn’t sensitive about it. It also helps that Graham delivers a jab; he says
it with a smile, laughing, and an upbeat tone. We’ve all been burned by the guy that takes a jab at us
without smiling or laughing and it feels totally different. This goes back to the point earlier — don’t be a jerk;
don’t say something out of malice or dislike for someone. Whoever you’re teasing should be laughing along with you. Now, if you forget to slip a compliment into the conversation
and happen to tease someone before thinking of it, there is another way to keep the conversation fun and funny for everyone and that is with a self-deprecating joke. Here’s an example from Graham. Are you from New Zealand as well? Lady: No, I’m from Basingstoke. [Audience laughing]
Graham: Oh. I have great ear. It’s funny and it also isn’t a huge put-down. The joke isn’t that he’s a huge loser; he’s actually just acknowledging what everyone
else has already started laughing at which is that he botched where she’s from. By occasionally teasing yourself as well and you’re showing
that it’s all in fun and that you aren’t actually attacking anyone, this creates an atmosphere where everyone is
on the same team and laughing together. There is no in-crowd-versus-out-crowd dynamic. Watch as Graham puts it all together while promoting X-Men First Class. He starts off early in the interview with something nice. But here is exciting — all three of the men also appeared on Empire’s Sexiest Man of the Year poll. [Audience cheering] Then he puts them into a funny and awkward spot by
making them guess where they rank against each other. I’m gonna go… I’m obviously last. Graham: And you’re right. [Audience laughs]
James: I knew it. Now James McAvoy could feel a bit of a sting here although it turned out he ranked 16th sexiest
man alive out of a hundred potential celebrities so he’s probably not hurting too badly about it. But watch how Graham softens it even further a minute later. Where were you? Where were you, Graham? I was at home reading. [Audience laughs] Between the early compliment and the joke at his own expense,
it’d be hard for James to be upset at Graham right now. One quick word of caution here — don’t make yourself the butt of every joke. The same rules apply when teasing yourself as when teasing someone else. By combining achievement-based compliments the person is proud of — playful teases and self-deprecating jokes — you can
tease people while they laugh and love you for it. The last thing Graham Norton does fantastically that really endears him to people is he listens very intently. He speaks much less than most talk-show hosts; instead, guiding the conversation, jumping in with jokes when he sees the opportunity,
and mostly letting the stars do the talking. Watch how he asks a question, makes everyone laugh, and then stops being goofy and becomes very focused on listening intently. I read you usually, as an actor, you negotiated longly for extra nudity. [Audience laughing] “I’m trying to sell the film; it’s not about that.” [Audience laughing] It’s about sexuality so it has to be sexy and there is a love scene in the film… One of my favorite authors, Dale Carnegie, wrote, “To be interesting, be interested.” Especially once you’ve got them laughing and
feeling like you’re someone who is a joy to be around, the people you’re talking to will really value your attention. Listen to how Graham asks this next question and watch his eye contact, facial expressions, and gesticulation. There’s a real sense of genuine interest. …because you were the same; you worked when you were very young, didn’t you? Letting someone talk and share while making them feel listened to can be an incredible experience for them. And there you have it. There’s obviously a lot more that you can do in a conversation to make someone like you; I think the biggest thing we haven’t touched on today is the best way to actually share things about yourself. We can do another video on that later if you’d like but I think what’s amazing about Graham Norton is how he doesn’t say much about himself yet his guests and viewers adore him. And when people love being around you, they’ll eagerly want
to meet up with you again and connect with you on a deeper level. Last but not least, I have a special offer just for you. Do you shit, shower or shave? Well, Dollar Shave Club is hooking our fans up with this awesome and hilariously named Shit, Shower, Shave starter pack for just 5 bucks. It includes shave butter for every razor burn, this delicious body wash, and Charlie’s one-wipes for after you poop. Yep, Dollar Shave Club has you covered from your face cheeks to your butt cheeks and my actual favorite part of the package is their executive razor; it’s got six blades, it’s a great shave, and they give you four replacement razors. You can get the whole thing for five bucks at dollarshaveclub.com/charisma and I switch to Dollar Shave Club because I’m a lazy razor shopper. I would let razor blades get dull, shave my face with them, breakout and razor burn; it’s not a good look. Dollar Shave Club prevents that. Also, some awesome news — Dollar Shave Club obviously sponsored this video which is amazing because Charlie and I have been saving up to invest in more animated videos of videographers to follow us around and videotape him and I actually interacting with people and using what we teach and a full time video editor so we can get you more breakdowns like this one. So if you shave and you want to support the channel, please go to dollarshaveclub.com/charisma and it will let us get you more animated videos, some footage of Charlie and I and it will help with more breakdowns like this one so thank you, we really appreciate you guys, and I’ll see you in the next video.

100 thoughts on “4 Steps To Make People Instantly Like You

  1. The only drawback of this awesome channel, is that its going to be impossible to tell if someones a serial killer, between all the charm and humour, that this channel has taught them…

    so… thanks?

  2. Interesting! Since I've never been a fan of chat shows, I was wondering what magic Norton worked that made me always enjoy his show.

  3. Graham Norton would charm a frigging crocodile. Never saw a more likeable guy. Seriously, I love the bloke

  4. You need to familiarize yourself with objective case pronouns. Examples:
    13:27 "Videotape him and I" should be "videotape him and ME"
    13:44 "Some footage of Charlie and I" should be "some footage of Charlie and ME"

  5. I normally don't watch this kind of stuff, I feel ethically inclined not to, but thank you. It answered some questions I hadn't found answers to until now.

  6. Graham greets and chats to his guests before the show, so what we see isn't the first time they meet. He probably uses that time to gauge what level of touch they're comfortable with, so I doubt it's down to an ability to instantly read people

  7. How did this channel go from 7 million views on a video a year before this, to 800k? Phony hucksters

  8. Do not like him at all.. why he disgust me?
    He reminds me a peacock..(or just second part of peacock?)

  9. I'd like a video of how to handle someone who's subtlety trying to put you down in front of a group, in a way where nobody else is recognizing it

  10. 🙈😂 on the laughing part i thought i don’t need to do that because i laugh at everything already and by that thought i made myself laugh a bit…. wow i’m the easiest person ever so fire any joke bad or good and you got me falling down to the floor in no time

  11. I get what the video is saying. But I don't enjoy pretending to be chummy with people I don't know and don't feel strongly about. On the contrary, I feel phony, and feeling phony makes me feel ashamed. Also, I am instantly suspicious of anyone I just met who touches me. Even beautiful women. I don't like it. I dislike being touched by strangers as much as I like being touched by people I love. I guess I was just not cut out for this kind of interaction.

  12. me: this is very interesting but does this guy actually have good charisma himself
    me at the end of the video: watches whole ad for a product i don't need. well okay

  13. guest comes out w hand extended: gives shake
    guest comes out w arms open leaning in: gives hug
    perceptive genius.

  14. I call the shit, shower, shave combo the ol' Sean Connery Shanitation Trifecta (because of the way he says "S". Really appreciating the recognition that this combination of sanitary endeavours presents, plus the order in the name of the product (shit, shower, shave) is also the recommended order in which to perform the trifecta.

  15. Graham gives his guests the chance to speak and tell whatever story they have and he doesn't cut them off. Most talkshow hosts like Fallon and Kimmel do an awful lot of talking rather than their guests talking.

  16. Graham Norton is my favorite talk show host. If anyone wants a good laugh, just pull up clips from his show, sit down, shut up and enjoy!

  17. Only made it to 3:40, but we get it the guy is enthusiastic….learn to be an individual, some people just aren't that interesting even celebrities

  18. Great video. Graham is just so natural with ppl, I doubt he needed any coaching.
    I try to be like that to ppl in general, especially with my customers but I think I sometimes misread their body language.

  19. When teasing, keep two criteria in mind:

    1. Don't attack someone's identity
    2. Don't target something unchangeable and important to the person.

    This also helps me to see why some teasing hurts me. Knowing that, I can now let those things pass and try not to be offended by them.

    Don't say something out of malice or dislike. That means be really careful with the people you know you don't like very much. You can be polite all the time, but those little caustic remarks can destroy all that work. Instead focus on complimenting those people genuinely.

    To be interesting, be interested. Listen to people and let them feel interest.

  20. This guy is so freaking boring. He must be funny at all costs. He overdoes it every time. Really can't get why his cheap gossipy show is so popular. But then, it's mass entertainment

  21. I found your channel a few days ago, (I want to see if I learned anything).
    At the end of the video I was wondering, if the shaving kit came with a man's makeup kit? For when you cut your forehead. LOL
    Thanks for the videos.

  22. never heard of him.
    mere actors because they do not know truly who they are. Sadly these people are all seeking others or outside approval instead of the realization WHOa person is comesfrom within.

  23. I go a bit "feotal and suck my thumb" in social situations – this may help… mental note, remove thumb and remember to laugh!

  24. Awesome video and great advice. Especially the part about watching videos that make you laugh to make it a habit

  25. This video is total balls. It's essentially be a fawning sycophant and people, on your TV show in public, will, in an effort to be liked, not appear to be assholes.

  26. I am a very serious person. I can sober up a drunk with just a 5 minute conversation… thanks for the info! I'll get laid, eventually.

  27. Great video. so thanks for posting. It was an excellent decision on your part to use Graham excerpts for getting your points across. Graham is by far the best talk show host that I have ever seen.

  28. This guy: “touching smiling and laughing are important.”

    Me: reaches out and gropes someone while grinning huge and going “muahahahaha!”

  29. If you want others to like you, you have to be able to like your own first and you could never like yourself if you are not genuine, imitating others only drives to frustration and falseness.

  30. I'm scared that these things won't work because a lot of people my age are very stuck up. the kind of people that go out of their way to not laugh at a joke and then go "haha funny" with the most sarcastic tone possible.

  31. I don't like him.

    Also make a video on what these phonies react like to people that are not amused by their superficial "charms".

  32. Very interesting but, what on Earth is the point of showing a picture of "The Orange Psycho" on a video about personal charisma? What a contradiction!

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